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Original poster

Dating thread 140 - Why????

999 replies

RunsforCake14 · 02/10/2018 09:30

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

OP posts:
Original poster
RunsforCake14 · 02/10/2018 09:34

I couldn't find a new thread so I thought I'd start one.

I have my date tonight that I've been set up on. Not looking forward to it but I'll go anyway.

OP posts:
VixenSixen · 02/10/2018 09:36

Wow thank you Runs.... I've been desparately hunting for the thread and wasn't able to find it 🤣😂🙈

DaffoDeffo · 02/10/2018 09:37

I have cancelled my date tonight - I am having second thoughts about going out so much during the week with ds at home. Think it's only fair that I only go out once during the week. Weekends fine. So I'm out on Weds night already (with a friend) and I think then dates should wait till the weekend tbh or the one night during the week I can fit it in. So have put off new bloke till next week.

runs why aren't you looking forward to it? the ones I don't look forward to are always the ones that go better I find!

Original poster
RunsforCake14 · 02/10/2018 09:41

Daffo I think because I know I was set up by my friend and her boyfriend. I only found out by accident. So I feel there's a bit of pressure on me to like him.

OP posts:
DaffoDeffo · 02/10/2018 09:58

Bumble has definitely got worse over the past month. I think a lot of men have heard about it now and are on there just swiping yes on everything to get a chance of getting a conversation with someone they fancy. 2 months ago, I'd get like 5-10 matches a day. Now it's nearer 50 and it's overwhelming and most of the half reasonable ones don't reply to messages. It's actually becoming quite difficult to manage so I've stopped looking at it completely!

I need to kindly end things with MrCoast and I'm not quite sure how. He is going to take a job miles away but could easily still see me on weekends etc. but I don't think I want that. I'm not sure if it's kinder to arrange a date and do this face to face. I do really like him but it's just not going to work out.

New person we'll call MrForest - he's the one I cancelled tonight but will see next week.

Right on cue, MrMusic has messaged me again, as he always does when I walk away. MrLBG (fwb) we are trying to sort something out this weekend as we didn't manage to this weekend. MrNorth1 is lurking in the background.

DaffoDeffo · 02/10/2018 10:00

runs i would hate that too. But I suppose you have nothing to lose at least. What I dont' like is the insinuation at the end that if you don't like them, there's something wrong with you. That's what I get when couples set me up with people grrr.

pinkpixie83 · 02/10/2018 10:26

Hi again guys,

Had a break from dating and got bored so back at it again. As per normal with me I'm in a situation!!

Am due to have a second date tonight but really unsure about going.

@Runs hope tonight goes better than you think

Lovemusic33 · 02/10/2018 10:33

Found you.

Was meant to be meeting My kayak today to go kayaking but weather is rubbish so he's now coming to mine for bacon sandwiches 😁
I'm secretly hoping for MB, even though he's possibly not relationship material his would make a good FWB. I hope it's not disappointing.

Some random man knocked my door this morning, he had broken down outside and had ran out of fuel. I offered him a lift to the garage, probably a stupid thing to do as he could have been anyone. He was very grateful and bought me chocolate and said he will return with something better later (told him not to worry that the chocolate was suficiant). See how easy it is to meet real life people 😂 I just wish Mr perfect would knock on my door and not some old scruffy builder.

Ittakestwo · 02/10/2018 10:51

Joining you all, first time OLD, so will probably need this place for wisdom. I’ve been separated nearly 3 years and been single since. I was in my previous relationship for 25 years. Joined bumble last week got quite a lot of matches and seemed to have hit it off particularly well with one guy we are going for coffee next week.

PookieDo · 02/10/2018 11:12

Hey you guys. Date with Mr Anxious was not fun and sex filled and I fear I am wearying of his anxiety, we spent 2 hours talking when we could have just been bloody snogging. I tried to snog and he wanted to talk Hmm and said he worries he wasn’t a good kisser

I drove home fairly late from his last night and was tired, sent an ‘I’m home’ text then went immediately to bed, woke up this morning with a response saying you have been short with me, have I offended you, what’s wrong and I had to say nothing, I’m just tired

I am kinda half dreading spending the weekend with him if it’s like this. If he has a drink he will probably be much happier which isn’t a good thing IMO

I don’t know whether I should just opt out now....

DaffoDeffo · 02/10/2018 11:24

pookie that sounds like enormously hard work and you'd be second guessing yourself all the time

pudding21 · 02/10/2018 11:30

Checking in with the new thread :)

pookie sounds liek hard work, i am very wary of people who can't keep their thought and anxieties in check so early on. I don't know the background, but he sounds needy.

daffo sounds like you have lots of options :)

Well for those of you who remember, I finally moved into my house that I was rennovating, I have never worked so hard in all my life to get it finished. I am now ill, and feeling like the walking dead.

I am still in contact with Mr surf/ ski but haven't had the drive to meet up with him again, he will be leaving for Austria in the next two months. I would like to see him again, but it won't go anywhere.

Still seeing FWB, things have shifted a bit in the last couple of weeks and he is being very attentive and sweet. Cooked me dinner at the weekend, seems like he wants to "look" after me a little bit. I like him, sex is great, we have a good vibe, but it also won't go anywhere.

Tempted to join tinder again but I just can't be bothered. Still would rip off Mr Architects clothes but he isn't interested in me. Although there is frision still there for sure.

Happy dating people :)

PookieDo · 02/10/2018 11:32

I’m already watching what comes out of my mouth Sad

He’s also set some alarm bells ringing with me, have listed below

  • Picking up on comments I might make light heartedly and quizzing me, I made some comment about not putting out on the first date and he panicked I was still dating other people
  • Questioning why I have 2 phones when I have already told him one is a work phone and sometimes I am on call for work in the evenings and weekends
  • making comments like ‘in the past I would have got really angry about that but now I dont’ almost worrying me he has issues with anger
  • constantly needing reassurance he’s attractive, That I like him, that he’s not done anything to put me off, that I could see a future between us (to this I have said we need to go with the flow)
  • making a lot of comments that his ex did things that made him annoyed and jealous
  • instead of shagging me he wants to have deep and meaningful chats
  • he doesn’t sleep much
  • worrying about where I am and what I am doing...
PookieDo · 02/10/2018 11:36

I think I just want a FWB now, that’s where I am veering to but my last one was a disaster as he was so flakey and I lost my rag with him about it. I had known him since we were very young as he was my exes best mate, and when we were about 17 we had a very naughty secret bunk up. So we started hooking up about 2 years ago but it didn’t last

I actually walked past him yesterday, as we walked towards each other we both had our children with us and I just walked straight past him didn’t say hi! I don’t know why 🤦🏻‍♀️

Mr Anxious has a life long history of anxiety and a failed relationship with mother of his children and I suspect it’s because he’s maybe jealous and controlling

Ittakestwo · 02/10/2018 11:56

Pookie I’m new to all this but I don’t think I could cope with mr anxious!

PookieDo · 02/10/2018 12:05

How do I dump him?

Ittakestwo · 02/10/2018 12:23

I admit I’m dreading this scenario but I’m of the opinion now that I’m not going to suffer to appease someone else. Won’t be easy but be honest in a nice way he’ll meet someone else

Original poster
RunsforCake14 · 02/10/2018 12:36

PookieDo I would send a text saying that you've enjoyed the time you've spent together but you don't see a future for the two of your together. Or that you've decided to take a break from dating to concentrate on other things.

Whatever you say, he will take it badly but that is his issue, not yours. You've done your best to be supportive but he's too wrapped up in his insecurity to just enjoy time with you. You'll probably have to block him after.

OP posts:
Dan89 · 02/10/2018 12:45

Pookie, what did he actually say/do to attract you in the first place?

Ittakestwo · 02/10/2018 12:53

Good answer @RunsforCake14 making a note of that.

PookieDo · 02/10/2018 13:17

Thank you - I don’t actually want to be cruel and I don’t want to hurt someone fragile so I still want to be kind

@Dan89 he is attractive and came across as someone who is self aware and working on their flaws, had a positive outlook on life and wanted to have fun

I believe that’s what he thinks he should be like but is struggling to actually genuinely be that way
Whereas for me I do not struggle with this it’s not an act it is who I am

PookieDo · 02/10/2018 13:19

He likes the concept of me. I think that’s what it is. I’m fun and chatty and kind and he likes all those things but sometimes I think because he is putting on an act he is trying to pull my mask off - I don’t have one

DaffoDeffo · 02/10/2018 13:31

I think he likes you, I wouldn't put yourself down pookie. He just needs someone who can tolerate his behaviour. I went out with someone with OCD (severe OCD) and I couldn't do it in the end. We were winding each other up massively and I also had to check my behaviour all the time as I was worried I was making him worse. Once you stop being yourself, any sort of relationship cannot work.

PookieDo · 02/10/2018 14:05

No I think he is paranoid I am faking it and too good to be true. I know we all have our persona we put on, he is clearly struggling with this!

Sometimes the right things come out of his mouth but actions don’t seem to back this up

Aside from this he is very caring considerate and kind

Lovemusic33 · 02/10/2018 15:32

Pookie you sound like me, I feel really guilty telling someone it’s not working, I don’t like upsetting people but the longer you leave it the harder it will be. I usually do the whole ‘it’s not you, it’s me thing’ as I don’t want them to think it’s anything they did wrong and I don’t want them to come back with the ‘I can change’ thing.

Just had a weird afternoon with Mr Kayak, not sure what I think of him TBH, we had fun which is what I wanted (and it was really good) but some of the thing he says are a bit weird. He commented on me talking too much, I know I do this, even more so when I’m nervous, I probably talk a load of rubbish because I hate awkward silences and I do find it hard to just relax but I felt a bit annoyed that he mentioned it and kind of joked about it. I’m trying to be super cacious and to not over invest, he seems to be a little bit pushy, not for sex (he was a real gent) but for the whole relationship type thing, asking if he could stay for dinner, asking if he could come back and see me tonight and he’s left something here (maybe not accidentally).

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