Dating thread 140 - Why????

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

@coolcahuna Sorry things didn't work out with Mr London. What an odd chat up technique "I don't fancy you, shall we have sex?", yes you definitely dodged a bullet there.

Things with MrOld have heated up somewhat seems there's life in the old dog yet. He sent me a lovely pic of him yesterday standing waist deep in the sea (Cornwall - it's baking hot here), and all in can say is "I would"

Poor MrYoung is going to have to pull out all the stops on Monday to persuade me to stop engaging with MrOld (he only dates one at a time. Apparently...)

@lovemusic33 - the first message thing it's always good to have a couple of standard opening questions . I find on Tinder I usually have nothing to work with as most guys don't fill out a bio so I usually have a couple of questions I like to ask.....

Top 3 Bucket List destinations
Top 3 Films
If you could invite 4 people to a dinner party living or dead, who would they be and why

Or I comment on something I've noticed in the photos.......

It's do difficult if you've had nothing to work with but I detest the "Hi" or "Hey" messages so I always try and open with something a little different if I can.

🌈

I ended up having a random 2hr phone conversation with someone I just got talking with a couple of days ago..... I haven't really thought of a suitable name for him yet but it was an interesting conversation and we had lots to talk about.....

He told me that someone called him emotionally unavailable and that he hasn't had a long term relationship or any relationship that has lasted beyond 3 months. Talk about red flag central.... 😂🤣 It sounded to me that he just didn't like anyone getting close, for whatever reason.

I'm learning so much about men throughout this process.

@coolcahuna yes 💯 bullet doged.... He sounds like he was either married or makes a habit out of treating women like that because of his good looks. Jeez, keep your head high and don't ever look back you are worth so much more! X

@VixenSixen A 2 hr phone call sounds promising though - possibly longer than some of his relationships by what you say. If you're just looking for a quick fling he sounds perfect and he's made you aware from the start that he's not really long term material - or may be he could be for the right lady...

I do think you think some of the red flags (like no long term relationships) are worth noting but shouldn't be an immediate deal breaker, some people just don't meet the right person or life doesn't turn out the way they planned, my BIL would raise many flags but he's a decent person just been unlucky. MrPB told me a couple of things early on that he expected would make me run, but actually it's not necessarily a problem, might be for a woman in different circumstances herself.

i've finally thought of a name for 1st OLD date and it will be Mrcheekynymph (or is that too long?). The man talks about sex or sexual things every second sentence. He does ask other questions and give gentlemanly compliments but his "cheeky banter" as he calls it is very prevalent. I don't know how to describe it....it's not done in a creepy way, it just seems that he is that into me and wants to get me into that bedroom asap. What's even more alarming is that I've been dreaming him about him and what could happen in that department .....I have to keep my feet on the ground because I'm aware I could so easily be taken in by it because it's the first sniff of an interested man I've had in 15 months......I'm even contemplating suggesting a FWB scenario if that is what he is looking for, I don;t think i would be opposed to it as i'm not desperate for a relationship and with the way it works out with kids being with ex my free time is very sporadic.....he wants to meet again this afternoon as we won't then be able to meet up until during Xmas holidays so I'm going to dig deeper to see what he is actually expecting relationship wise.....

@jesuispreist & @likeridingabike - yeah I totally get that and whilst it is good to have your guard up and be aware of red flags I don't think I would discount someone so early on. The conversation was great - covered a lot of ground, articulate and quite funny with it.

We ended up talking about why he has ended up not having a LTR and he said he'd been focusing on his career and just enjoying his life. I mean, looking back on my life I've had 3 LTR relationships and at the time I 'needed' to be in a relationship.

Now I don't feel like I need to be in a relationship, I'm not sure if I particularly want one at this moment in time..... I've just got back in touch with who I really am and quite enjoying my single life.

I've met a couple of guys who have been not as upfront about thier intentions and ended up being messed about a bit.

I guess you've got to admire his honesty and self insight & awareness. At least he acknowledged to me that he doesn't let people in .....

Do I want that from someone in a relationship - absolutely not. Do I fancy him - absolutely yes 🤣😂. ....... Definitely short term fling material.

@scotgal2017
I think you need to establish that you're both on the same page to avoid any confusion or hurt down the line so having that chat would be a great idea
I always feel when they're spouting all the 'sex talk' so early on it's probably just generic crap they say to everyone to see who'll jump into bed with them but I know that's a very blanket assumption!

@scotgal2017. - in my experience the guys who go straight in for the sex talk are usually only after one thing..... If that is what you want, go for it.

Otherwise steer clear if you think you might end up becoming emotionally involved x

@coolcahuna gosh that sounds pretty harsh! We do have to have thick skin for this dating world don’t we. Definitely dodged a billet there!

I’m not feeling too great about the guy I’m seeing, it’s not that he’s not said anything but he’s just quite quiet and short ish on the texting! Maybe I’m reading too much into it! But for me having sex the other night after not having sex for 2 years is and was a big deal!

Not sure what to do x

@Whoknows11 you can't really do anything. You have no control over the other persons behaviour so worrying/ stressing or overthinking do nothing other than make you feel worse! (Absolutely easier said than done I know!!)
How long have you been dating this guy?
In an ideal world what would you want to happen now?

love I do think a lot of men do that on bumble now. But I also find a lot don't reply to messages. I tend to write hello then comment on one of their photos (like you've got a lovely smile or something). Problem with writing a lot is when they don't reply it gets annoying.

cool sorry the date was so disappointing

for the first time in an age, I have no ongoing chats and no dates! Not sure if I should just pull myself off the sites for a bit and give up. Weirdly I get a lot of compliments in real life, I wonder if my photos are just shite. I might try and see my one remaining fwb this weekend though I haven't seen him for months now.

oh I have one chat. With a hysterical bloke 10 years older who is into tantric sex and deep dating. SAVE ME NOW!

I agree whoknows nothing you can do, but a mismatch in communications is not untypical at this stage!

@DaffoDeffo yes agree, have had that on Bumble, I write a bit then no reply! Why match if you have no intention of writing back! All quiet on the irons front so heading out tonight instead!

Scotgirl - I chatted to a guy like this. V sexual/cheeky but funny early on, which isn’t my thing. He told me about his previous dates and sounds like he’s into ONSs. He was very keen to meet but I knew it wouldnt get anywhere so unmatched him. He was fun for banter but I was worried about being swept away in it all.

@coolcahuna so the funny thing is I’ve been dating him a week!!! I know I have to chill out and this forum is definitely helping and hearing your advice!

Isn’t life so much simpler when you’re single!

Morning all, I've had a quick read through. Seems like the usual ups and downs of OLD are continuing.

I recently had an "encounter" with the bloke I was dating last year. Long story - should've have a good ending but he decided to be a twat instead.

As a distraction a friend made me go back on Tinder to just try and get some chats going and practice my flirting again, as been so long. Surprisingly I got 15 matches within 24hrs, usually I get nothing. But same old story - not a single one messaged me. So I sent them all a message - proper text, not just hi.

Only one replied. Started well then he suggested I came over to his house there and then. And got nasty when I said no. Called me a liar and a weirdo because he deliberately misunderstood something I'd written and refused to admit he was wrong. FFS! He's 49, seems to be a professional, judging by his photos - why would anyone think it was ok to invite a stranger to your house late at night, then get abusive when they say no.

I haven't binned Tinder - yet. But my attempt to get back into OLD hasn't gone well so far. Child free weekend and I thought with 15 matches, I could get a date from at least one of them!

@Whoknows11 if it's only been a week I'm assuming it's not a 'relationship' yet? I.e. you're both still active on dating websites/ open to seeing other people??
I think as hard as it is at this stage, you need to stay grounded and keep cool.
If you want it to lead to more then that progression will happen naturally if both parties feel the same, you can't force it.

Have you fixed another meeting with him?

@RunsforCake14 Sounds like you've had a lucky escape there! I think some men handle rejection terribly and act like total twunts when someone resists their irresistible charms 🙄

@wishywashy6

No definitely not a relationship yet!

It’s weird as I want things to go slowly but also I’d like a bit more than he’s giving currently!

Yes potential date on Mon due to the fact we both have our children this weekend! He seems keen on that front but he’s very laid back about things and it’s a bit frustrating!

I know I need to keep cool, I’ve just got to put the actions in motions!

Thankyou @vixensixen and @whoknows for the support. I can't lie, it rattled me a bit! I've deleted and unmatched. I didn't get the married vibe from him, just overly self confident! I think he's only been in long term relationships so not really sure how to handle himself. I am probably being too kind here, hes an idiot. Some seduction lessons are needed - women need to be desired, it takes more than being good looking! I told him to pay for an escort and be done with it.

@lovemusic - opening lines on Bumble, this is cheesy and short but works. I just open with 'Hi handsome' , gets a good response!

@daffo, what is deep dating?!

@runsforcake, what is wrong with men?! I had one ask me if I wanted to go on a late night walk at 11pm for a first date. Um...let me think about that for a nanosecond.

@Whoknows11 some men just aren't great on text. Let it take its course, the fact he's keen on that front should say more to you than anything else you've mentioned 
I tried to keep the mentality that I'd just enjoy the moment rather than getting caught up in overthinking the whys and ifs and buts.
Enjoy it!

@coolcahuna "I told him to pay for an escort and be done with it". - you are my HERO. Go girl. 🤣😂😎

Yeah he sounds like an arrogant entitled asshole who you are better off without......

Actually yeah @DaffoDeffo what is deep dating? 🤔
Underwater? 🤨