is porn ok?

[lucyellensmum]

following on from another thread where someone has made a point about her DP watching pay per view porn on the TV ( i didnt want to hijack the thread so starting a fresh one) behind her back. I just wondered how people felt about it. I personally do not have a problem with porn (nothing heavy - just waiting for the feminists to pounce), as long as it is of consenting adults and is shared. I would however have a huge problem if my DP watched it while i wasnt around. As for internet porn, that is a big no no and besides, DP doesnt get chance to go on the putor cos im always on MN Actually, i can't understand why a man (or woman) would want to sit alone watching, well you know

So really just a poll of peoples thoughts and ideas. Does it degrade women or can it be empowering?

Feb: if you don;t want to engage in the act and, by the sound of it, he doesn't actually want to do whatever it is either, then him looking at porn that features this act is siimply a harmless safety valve. Many people have a particular sexual fantasy or fetish that they wouldn't actually want to act out for whatever reason but trying to repress all thoughts of the Special Stuff messes your head up far more than just enjoying the occasional masturbatory fantasy, with or without pictures of it.

UQD: you see, this is why I'm forever baning out about monogamy not being compulsory. Because the monogamy obsessives have got so much propaganda out there to the effect that "proper" relationships consist of obsessive controlling of another person's sexual behaviour, perople tend to assume that if they are "in love" then monogamy is the only option. For the naturally monogamous, it is - and if one naturally monogamous type hooks up with another then they should be fine. But people who don't find monogamy suits them spend too long thinking that it's somehow a fault in them that needs to be overcome rather than simply a different way of being, and this leads them to hook up with monogamists and make each other wretchedly unhappy.

The non-monogamist I know thought he could "change" his monogamist wife - tried to persuade her of the fun benefits of bisexual swinging.

(I've no idea about his relationship with porn, to bring back on topic.)

Fatchance: "Cybersex with partners - he wants to have an affair, but probably has too low self-esteem to do for real."

Was that in response to me saying my husband and I do that when he is overseas?

Thanks for your opinion, I chose not to apply it to us.

UQD: well, for some couples introducing swinging would have been great fun and mutually enjoyable. I don;t know your friend, or his wife, so I don;t know if one or the other of them was selfish and unreasonable or if they were just mismatched. People's situations vary.

Oh, I think they were just mismatched. It all only came out after they got married.

Do you find, madamez, that, when people (I suppose I'm thinking mainly men) find out you are non-monogamous, they start to make assumptions of the "you must want to shag me, then" kind?

Sorry, milkchocolate - you are dead right, I meant "cybersex with third parties" as opposed to "cybersex without anyone else involved". IMHO cybersex between DPs is a perfectly logical extension of a sexual relationship over distance.

Really interesting perspective there, Madamez. I suppose I've never really looked at it that way, and always just assumed that adultery equals weakness. I suppose if you look at it your way it might be so much easier to get what you really want from your lovelife instead of trying to fit a particular (and it could argued pretty flawed) model of a monogamous relationship.

I was in an open relationship which worked for a while until I began to question his motives. We met online, he lived 200 miles away, he only visited me as he constantly said his house was just about to be sold and the majority of his furniture was in storage.

I was gullible and didn't smell a rat till after we broke up, at which point I began to suspect he may have been in a relationship and I was unwittingly "the other woman"- a different thing entirely to an open relationship where boundaries are agreed on and everything is out in the open.

UnquietDad-
Do you find, madamez, that, when people (I suppose I'm thinking mainly men) find out you are non-monogamous, they start to make assumptions of the "you must want to shag me, then" kind?

UQD- I have to say that for most men, asking them the time in the street leads them to the absolute conviction that you want to shag them. After all, why did you ask them, as opposed to a lesser studly mortal?

"bovine monogamous contentment" - there you go building straw men again.

If you live in "bovine monogamous contentment" do you always have the horn?

I've never herd of that.

You have to be in the moooo-d for bovine monogamous contentment.

now you're just milking it, UQD

No, just getting it off pat.

Does Bovine Monogamy includes lots of cuddles?

Could be worse - what about equine monogamous contentment? That's what you call a stable relationship.

That's udderly ridiculous.

Enough!!!!

Encore, encore!
That was quite brilliant

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Oh here it is!!!!

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