is porn ok?

[lucyellensmum]

following on from another thread where someone has made a point about her DP watching pay per view porn on the TV ( i didnt want to hijack the thread so starting a fresh one) behind her back. I just wondered how people felt about it. I personally do not have a problem with porn (nothing heavy - just waiting for the feminists to pounce), as long as it is of consenting adults and is shared. I would however have a huge problem if my DP watched it while i wasnt around. As for internet porn, that is a big no no and besides, DP doesnt get chance to go on the putor cos im always on MN Actually, i can't understand why a man (or woman) would want to sit alone watching, well you know

So really just a poll of peoples thoughts and ideas. Does it degrade women or can it be empowering?

Actually ahundredtimes.Our posts kinda crossed.
In fact almost all porn actresses are there of their own choice also if prostitution was legal then there would be less chance of people being forced into it by twonks.
Why are you of the opinion that the women are forced into porn?
Actually there has been a lot more regulation in the porn industry to make sure as much as poss that the people taking part are not forced but choose to be where they are.Also there are a lot of porn companies who do everything possible to look after their people.Yes in the past there was a lot of probs with this kind of thing now however it is rare.
I too have watched quite a lot of documentaries on the whole porn industry and to be honest I don't think some of them are looking at the whole pic.Reading between the lines though I honestly don't believe that it's that bad.
I actually feel worse buying something made in countries that commit human rights atrocites than buying a porn movie.

I meant in comparison to some other jobs that they could do.
I also didn't say highly paid I said well paid.Big diff between being comfortable paying the bills and living movie star lifestyle.
I am of the firm belief that everyone has a choice in life and if they want to chose that path then it's their choice.

milkchocolate, ah, that's alright then. prude battles can be messy affairs, anyway.

re: the unrealistic fantasy element of it all, that's one of the things I dislike about it, tbh. I prefer dh to get his jollies from the reality of my wibbly bits and the fact that he has to get to know exactly what I like before I start bucking around in ecstasy, same as I'm sure he'd prefer I get my kicks from his real body and not the stallion style sweaty bod rogering someone else on the telly.

I find in Britain sex and porn is still deemed to be 'dirty' particularly if women enjoy it. Of course there is an illegal sex trade wher women are exploited and worse and that amkes me sad. But, there are alot of women who make a decent living out of pole dancing/lapdancing/porn films etc and are there of tehir own free will, they don't all have a gun against their head.

in answer to the op though,watching porn on sky when your wife is upstairs feeding your baby son,having subscribed to sky porn channels using your wife's bank details without her permission,running up huge bills and bank charges when you are already up to your eyes in debt due to a gambling habit,and living on benefits cos you are too lazy and smelly to get a job,is not ok.

and was,thankfully,grounds for divorce

Singinmum, there's 'glamorous' porn, ie, the sort you may see in on tv, on a video and down right 'dirty' porn and prostitution street level style.

The two are very often connected.

Well yes divastrop I quite agree

I ma just curious. You guys with dh's/dp's who don't look at porn did they before the met you? Have they ever?

Btw, our IT man at work is freelance and he services peoples laptops and he said he always finds porn on laptops that belong to men. Always.

I really dislike this insistence that all men, yes ALL men, use porn, and that if you're deluded enough to imagine that your partner doesn't then you must need your head read. Bog off.

policywonk, aye, agreed. Dh is quite open with me about the temptation of it, but he doesn't. For a start he knows bog all about how to hide a trail on the computer...

We keep getting porn through the post for the person who lived there before....I opened it thinking it was an X box game that ordered for DH and found myself staring at the biggest cock I'd ever seen in my life.....I binned it....don't have any interest in watching it...filled in the address slip and told them not to send it anymore....so...hopefully won't get anymore...unless DH is ordering it behind my back!!!

No need to be rude policywonk

I'm just curious that's all. All the men I have ever been with have used porn and I'm wondering if it's because I am OK with it and talk openly about it and sometimes watch it too so they felt OK about admitting/doing it.

Sorry for bog-related rudeness.

I'm sure most men do, but that's not the same as all. Some men might choose not to look because they know how strongly their female partners feel about it. This is the case in the Wonk household.

Or it bloody well better be...

my dp used porn before we met.so did i.now i dont feel the need,and dp doesnt either.if he wanted us to watch/look at some together,though,it wouldnt be a problem.it would only be a problem if he did it behind my back,and he feels the same about me doing it.

Indeedy. Self-control does exist. Backed up by the threat of a home-circumcision, but none-the-less...

lol@ home-circumsision

Aha, so they'd like to, but you wont allow/tolerate it?

Well even if dh did not view it on line he would see it at work, he works in a very male dominated profession and it is bandied around like sweets.

I know Dh would like to, as in, it's a temptation for him, but he sees it in the same way I do - as a betrayal.

So in that sense, it's the same as having it away with some foxy woman. He'd like to on one level, but he knows it's not right, so he chooses not to. My disapproval (and rusty garden shears) are part of the motivation, but it's a lot to do with how he'd feel about himself, too.

If I said I'd like a strawberry cream please, would that indicate which side of the fence I'm on in this?

Did see some rather odd dot-to-dot porn a couple of months ago...

Dot to dot porn?!!! The mind boggles

I don't understand why people see it as a betrayal. I don't think my dp does, no evidence to suggest he does, but if i found out he did i wouldn't feel betrayed, I don't own him, he can have his own private thoughts and fantasies without it being anything to do with me. Why is that not ok?

I don't see it as a betrayal at all, and I am the first to say I would NEVER accept dh if he had an affair. He'd be out on his arse, and he knows it.

Looking at porn is completely different in my view.

Well, I'm not about to make decisions for other people, Boco, but as far as I'm concerned, personally, if my husband was thinking about other women intimately, I'd consider that a betrayal.

But they are not 'other women' it;s not like they are dreaming about shagging some women at work who they know. It's an image, in the moment, a tool to get the job done.

Don't think for one minute it's because they love their partners any less or a reflection on a bad relationship.

Anyway, different strokes and all that. People just have different views I guess.

I once (unknowingly) lived in a former brothel. Ok it was very low key and a one woman band afaik, but it still wasn't nice to have punters knocking at your door on a Sunday afternoon and asking 'Are you open for business?'

I also have a friend who worked with young (mostly foreign) prostitutes in Amsterdam. What you see in the windows is not what goes on behind the scenes; only the attractive ones are on display.

Many of them go on to perform in sex shows and certain types of films, the totally non-glamourous ones

Same friend lived a suburb of Amsterdam where men could be seen queuing for a fuck at 8.00 before they went to work. The women were just very ordinary if not down at heel looking. It was not too nice at night unless you were a local.

Same goes for that place just outside Amsterdam (sorry can't rememeber the name)

Well, yes, people do see it very differently, lol.

They are other women, just as much as having a rude fantasy about someone unobtainable he sees on the train or something like that.

The operating annoyance from my perspective is that he's spending time fantasizing about someone other than me. Creating an appetite in himself that I don't have a hope of fulfilling in reality. I just don't think that's very healthy.