is porn ok?

[lucyellensmum]

following on from another thread where someone has made a point about her DP watching pay per view porn on the TV ( i didnt want to hijack the thread so starting a fresh one) behind her back. I just wondered how people felt about it. I personally do not have a problem with porn (nothing heavy - just waiting for the feminists to pounce), as long as it is of consenting adults and is shared. I would however have a huge problem if my DP watched it while i wasnt around. As for internet porn, that is a big no no and besides, DP doesnt get chance to go on the putor cos im always on MN Actually, i can't understand why a man (or woman) would want to sit alone watching, well you know

So really just a poll of peoples thoughts and ideas. Does it degrade women or can it be empowering?

its ok if together yet sordid when apart!

we are faced daily with images as women we can't live up to or measure against. hence celebrity, so i dont. i dont measure myself against a porn actress and i dont measure myself against angelina jolie either.

remember this is a two way thing. the measureing

We had a visit from the police once

and the Inland Revenue

I am obv waffling to myself.

Porn is crap basically.

Nikki am PMSL re your SAHM comment

There are people out there of both sexes that just get turned on by watching someone else having sex. It doesnt mean that are fantasing about having sex with the porn stars themselves they just get off on it. To me watching porn is ok, whether alone or as a couple.

glory, you're all still here. Mercy I'm a hearing you.

The visit from the Inland Revenue must have frightening!

God yes, Inland Revenue are my worst nightmare at the moment.

But i just think, its not fantasising about another woman, it's an image of sex, he could be thinking of anyone at anytime, you can't control other people's thoughts, and shouldn't try. Some people use pornographic images as a prop for masturbation, that in itself, i don't really have a problem with.

The exploitative side of porn is obviously vile and seedy. I can't imagine finding it a turn on myself, because everyone looks like they have liver damage and very very dry hair.

I don't try and control his thoughts... I just ask that he does

Message withdrawn

diva, i am sorry if my thread upset you,really i am, LEM makes mental note to self to think before she posts AGAIN! i think what your DP did was definately wrong, on lots of levels,with dishonesty and lack of respect being high on the list. I guess thats why i didnt post on the thread you were on as your post just made me wonder what the general consensus amongst all us wonderful mummys is.

Do you control yours Sue? Are you faithful in every waking (and dreaming) moment? And does your husband require that you are?

I'm really not disagreeing actually, i just feel so differently. I'd think it was a bit odd if dp didn't find other people attractive, he'd be either lying or brainwashed. But i'm not threatened by that fact - i'm allowed to find people attractive too. what goes on in our heads does not mean we have to act on anything or be unfaithful. I love that i can say to dp - 'do you think he's sexy?' or 'do you fancy her?' - adn i trust his answer, because he knows i'm not saying to trap him or make him feel guilty, i'm genuinely asking his opinion.

Boco, I don't disagree with you either on that point. I just think there's a world of difference between finding another human being attractive and getting down with Pam and her five sisters while thinking about that other human doing the deed.

And no, I'm not an innocent, and neither's he, and I don't expect that, certainly. I'd be a big fat liar if I did. But to me, porn goes waaay over the line.

You know Sue, you are sort of nearly convincing me. Not entering into the seedy aspect or business aspect of it, I have not really minded porn, as I rather my husband look at some pretty stranger, or pair of boobies than fantasizing about Natasha or Trisha in the office, it is less threatening. I mean, if I ever ask him, he will just say "I was thinking of you of course". Do I believe him? NO! Ok, I am pretty enough, but hardly wank-off material. And I am a mum, so somehow being a sexual fantasy is sort of beyond my comprehension. But I am beginning to see your point, or rather a different point. Not sure yet.. But somehow you anti-porn lot are making some kind of sense. At least for me.

For the last 10 years I have been thinking about my husband when having some "me time", but lately other images have been playing on my mind, not porn mind, just my own imagination going in different direction. Would you say that is a betrayal? I never do that when I am actually making love to my husband, then I focus completely 120% on him...

SUeBaroo - have you never, never, had a daydream about Johnny Depp/Robbie Williams/Brad Pitt/(insert name of your own fave male celeb here)? Would you be upset if your partner confessed to thinking that Kylie Minogue/Angelina Jolie/Charlotte Church is fanciable? Or is it just that "porn" is in that category of forbidden stuff that nice people don't engage with?

Oh, and as to the exploitation argument: many porn performers (and sex workers) are doing it of their own free will and earning a good living. Yes, exploitation occurs in this as in every industry. Do you worry about the sweatshop labour when you buy a new handbag or t-shirt? Do you think about the slave labour involved in your cup of coffee or chocolate bar?

Madamez, it's not the finding another person attractive thing that bothers me, as I've said. I've got no intention, and wouldn't have a hope anyway, of stopping myself or my dh from having thoughts about someone who is attractive. I'm not even saying it hasn't happened - I'm just saying I don't think it's really right. It's a grey area, I think, when it goes from passing fancy to full on imagining sex.

However, deliberately watching someone else getting frisky isn't a grey area at all. It's got nothing to do with someone being nice or not, it's about what we would consider a betrayal in our relationship.
I appreciate you use and enjoy porn, madamez, and that's your prerogative, it is a free country.
For us, it is well out of order, and it's got nothing to do with being nice. It's much more to do with encouraging dh to think about me more than Freema Agyeman, and for me to think more about dh than David Tennant. It's precisely because we have the capacity to not be nice people that we want to stay as far away as possible from things that draw us apart instead of together.

As far as the exploitation goes - well, yes, I do happen to think about slave labour when I'm purchasing goods and services. It informs my choices when I buy those things, because I try not to buy things which have a history of exploitation. I thought quite a lot of people did that nowadays?

Agree with you on that last point Sue, I do think about where my coffee and chocolate are from, and avoid companies that use sweatshop workers etc. You can't tell when looking at a pornographic image if the person is doing it to feed a crack habbit, and is exploited - or doing it as a valid career choice and funding their degree in social work. For me theres a mental connection between the orange shaved writhing ladies, and exploited crack addled damaged women, which isn't a Nice Thing, and i'm not really interested.

But i still think that what we imagine isdifferent, it's private, we can imagine what we want and shouldn't feel guilty about it. I seriously wouldn't have a problem with my dp thinking about whoever he wants. We've been together since we were 19, if he's never fantasised about another woman he'd be a bit freaky. That's too much pressure for me, and it feels like saying otherwise would be a giant guilt trip. I expect him to be faithful and show me plenty of adoring attention, but what he thinks about when he's on his own is his business and no one elses, i wouldn't want to know!

Hmmm. I don't think the fact that the industry is so exploitative is necessarily an Ethical or moral point, it's just that when you know what goes on behind the scenes it's very difficult to get off on the final product to be honest. Yes, same goes for coffee and chocolate too. AND for a fancy top which was made by the hands of underpaid children.

BIG difference between having an erotic imagination and watching porn I think. I think you maybe watch the latter if you have none of the former?

100x that was what i was trying to say, but didn't say it very clearly. Once you have this idea of what is happening behind the scenes, it has no appeal.

Have you seen Restricted? There was a short, all filmed on one sofa. They selected a young man who wanted to be in a porn film. He then had to interview porn actresses and select one, and have sex with her. The whole thing was so amazingly lacking in ANY lust / enjoyment or even interest really, it was really wierd to reduce sex to this wierd act - everyone was so bored and peculiar. I think rutting bugs would be vaguely more erotic.

ahundredtimes, succinctly put, and I don't disagree.

No you did say it very well Boco, I was just saying it too.

No have never seen that film but it sounds deeply unerotic. I don't know, is all SO manipulative porn I think, is a sort of dead-head activity, erodes the soul after a while I should think.
Anyway we seem to have bored all the porn users of the thread. Is new political movement, Boredom Resistance.

That could really work - bit like bromide in the tea, going on and on about how it really isn't actually very nice and it's a little bit dull and not pretty or clever, until everyone's libidos have wilted - and then get them talking about .... um..... crows?

and hand out free copies of The People's Friend and The Lady

LOL at The Lady and Bromide. Oh yes, we'll have them with our knitting needles and slide shows of interesting geographical oddities we have discovered on our wholesome walking holidays.

woollen plaid patterned skirts are surprisingly comfortable, you know. The day I discovered the hidden elasticated waist was a liberation!

My dad went to India and sent dds a postcard of a statue clasping it's huge penis. He's really not a pervert or anything, he just doesn't concentrate.