Are these things nice and normal, or are they red flags? I'm not used to this behaviour

[elephantsegypt]

New man from online dating, 7 weeks in. Met about 7 times but spoken daily on the phone and text, we both love chatting, it is fair to say it is not just him who has encouraged that. and usually, i wouldnt speak to someone that much at all, but we really have clicked.

however... he also does other things that i cant work out are nice or a red flag. worth noting that i have previously been with men who played games and werent particularly sensitive to my feelings, at least not consistently, so this sort of thing is new to me and i dont know if it is normal...

Things he does:

1. tells me if he has low battery/no signal/driving etc so that i know he's "not ignoring me"
2. often calls me if with friends to say he wanted to just let me know he now wont be able to speak for x number of hours and wanted a quick chat
3. when i say i am busy he totally accepts it and will stop messaging, go off the phone, cancel a potential plan without being moody - but then will contact me later on again
4. he's made it clear he hates games and so just says how he feels - tells me he likes me a lot and if i want to slow it down that is ok
5. i dont want anything beyond kissing at the moment and have been honest about that. he has accepted it without question.

not sure if relevant but he ended things with his ex of 4 years because he didnt want to marry her - this made me think he does have boundaries etc and is simply looking for the right person. his last relationship ended 8 months ago.

his consistency is what i always wanted in someone - but never found it in my exs who were very much up and down relationships...i know we are only two months in but there has been none of that here. no huge high or wondering if he will text or call, or whether he is dating others, no complicated issues to work through. i am out of my comfort zone - is his behaviour normal?

I think you are looking for problems. He's being respectful. Why not just appreciate it?.

Those things sound nice to me... very respectful. Guilt trips and jealousy would be red flags to me

I can't see a single thing wrong there. He is being respectful and doesn't want to need things up with you. It doesn't mean that you will end up with him but no reasons to worry there I think.

Mess things up with you

He sounds a dream. Lucky you!

All sounds good and respectful to me.

As long as he isn't expecting the same level of info about what you are up to and doesn't accuse you of "ignoring" him if you don't stay in constant conact I don't see an issue

Personally, I wouldn't be interested in a bloke quite as pedantic as him and would it all a bit needy but each to their own

Would find

I tend to think that if you're looking for red flags it means that... well, to use the cliche, you're just not that into him.

It sounds like he's a lovely man, but he's not right for you - at least at the moment. And just because he's lovely, and ticks the right boxes, doesn't mean you have to continue with the relationship. It's fine to end something just because, particularly when you're only two months in. There doesn't have to be a logical reason.

Can't see anything wrong... You are on to something special here hopefully x

I don't find it pedantic to let a person you are constantly in touch with know you are going to be off the radar.

God knows the number of people that immediately fret and think the worst if they are ignored.

You are in the early stages of your relationship, he is offering plenty of reassurance. I'm sure as time goes on and you are more secure with each other he won't feel the need to keep you updated so much.

You could always tell him you don't need to know when he's going off radar if you find it annoying or too much. :)

It sounds quite normal and respectful to me so far.

Is it you are missing the excitement of a "bad boy".

You won't get the highs and lows but I couldn't be doing with all that. It depends if you like him enough for himself rather than the games men have played with you before.

He sounds awesome. I get the impression you’ve told him a bit about your past so he’s going that extra mile to reassure you? This is honestly what normal men are like. Just enjoy being treated well and come back to MN for advice if that changes.

1. tells me if he has low battery/no signal/driving etc so that i know he's "not ignoring me"

I do this with my GF of 1.5 years IF there is a reason to think she might want to talk to me at that particular time. Since you guys are talking all the time right now, that seems fair enough.

1. often calls me if with friends to say he wanted to just let me know he now wont be able to speak for x number of hours and wanted a quick chat

I might not do this, but I wouldn't say there's anything wrong with it.

1. when i say i am busy he totally accepts it and will stop messaging, go off the phone, cancel a potential plan without being moody - but then will contact me later on again

Isn't this what everyone does? If my GF is busy with friends or whatever then I'll leave her alone for however many hours I think she needs and then maybe drop a text saying "Did you have a good time?" or something.

1. he's made it clear he hates games and so just says how he feels - tells me he likes me a lot and if i want to slow it down that is ok

I can't imagine why this would be a problem.

1. i dont want anything beyond kissing at the moment and have been honest about that. he has accepted it without question.

As above.

He seems like a decent guy, if a little excited and maybe nervous about his new relationship, which is entirely understandable after an 8 month gap and a 4 yr relationship.

Does he expect you to keep him informed of when you are /are not available?

I tend to think that if you're looking for red flags it means that... well, to use the cliche, you're just not that into him.

Or they've spent too much time on MN and are expecting any man to be a baddun!

Bombardier - true .

Give me his number. Sounds respectful and decent.

He sounds lovely.

I'm wondering why you seem to be looking for fault in him.

He just sounds like he’s trying to do the right thing. My BF was like this a bit at first as for various reasons our relationship was largely conducted over text! I did end up saying that he didn’t need to, and I wouldn’t freak out and assume the worst if he went off radar, and it did stop, but he was only trying to keep me updated and not suddenly disappear from view. He didn’t expect it from me either.

He sounds lovely. Nothing weird in anything you have listed.

He sounds lovely. I think you are used to the other 90% that do the opposite!! And that's why it's a surprise because it seems too good to be true. Sounds like he knows what people's insecurities are....and has also gone through this himself....and is making sure you don't feel that.
It's a new relationship and it obviously means something to him, he's wanting you to feel secure in it. I wouldn't read into it that he's trying to hide anything by it. That's your feeling from what you e been used to with the other guys.
Relax enjoy and connect. See how things go x

Thanks for all the posts!

In the past I have gone for men who gave me huge highs and lows and I am doing my best NOT to get mixed up with someone like that again! But the other side to that is being very cautious about a persons behaviour, maybe too much.

He has never made any demands on me as in he won’t push to meet if I don’t want to, he will accept it if I don’t want to have a phone call. But by the same token he’s not afraid of asking to meet or asking to call!!

One poster mentioned he seems nervous about it and giving me re assurance, he does appear that way to me too. I’m typically attracted to men who play games...all this upfront stuff is new for me and makes me suspicious as to the authenticity!

It sounds as if he has adulting off to a tee. I think he also likes you.

thefifthkey it is exactly like that with this guy. It makes me so suspicious though! And strangely I feel like I want him more when I don’t hear from him...and have to remind myself that’s not a healthy relationship to want to have