Taking friend's sons to school as a favour.

[Polly7]

As a favour to a friend whose sons attend the same nursery as my 2 sons . I agreed to take her sons to and fro to school and back. (I'm going anyway, so it's no biggie). However her eldest son has declined to invite my eldest son to his birthday party, her reason-" it's up to my son who he invites to his birthday party)! "I didn't want to get into a paid type of arrangement. I know that she's short of cash, so her job is vital. Her husband doesn't lift a finger to help her with her sons. I'm quite pissed off, and on the point of telling her that my eldest son doesn't want her son to accompany us to school! My husband and 2 close friends have said that I should tell her that our "arrangement" is terminated-she has taken advantage quite frequently re her kids staying for lunch with us,and what not! Any advice?

Ew you are nasty OP

I agree with RangeRider, from the way the thread began i thought your friend had thrown a big party for her child. If it was just 2 children and the MIL then she was probably much more limited on who could be invited. I think expecting your DS to automatically be invited to such small close gatherings because of the favour is unreasonable, tbh. I don't think she sounds like a CF.

Are you the CF friend Doris ? you seem very invested in this thread !

No, threecee. The taking the piss out of someone struggling financially, and in general, has just made me sick, is all.

Oh. Just seen OP was previously under the impression it was a bigger party, hence the protest. That'll teach me to skim read. Still don't think she's a user or unreasonable and not very pleasant to bitch about someone who sounds like she's struggling.

If I hadn't stepped in the situation with her husband languishing on their sofa 24/7 would have continued
You sound like Lady Bloody Bountiful! And you're coming across very sneery. Real friends don't do that. She might be better helped by finding a friend who doesn't look down on her.

Aaargh, I didn't mean to post three times! I've asked MN to remove, sorry! And i think I'll keep away for the rest of the evening...

Tbh, to start with I was on your side OP.

But the more you have posted the less I am.

By your own admission your BF gave her a list of expensive presents to buy for you, (one of which she went out and bought as a thank you), despite knowing the family is struggling for money. And then was "mischievously" telling you about it.

Her DS invited 1-2 friends only for his Bday, not the whole bloody class. Yet you take offence.

You are sneering about her husband who you then drip feed has more going on with his mental health that just being "lazy"

I do not think she is a CF at all.

By all means, you have the right to not help her out anymore, but don't try to make yourself feel better for no longer helping an apparently struggling mother, by making out she is the very picture of a cheeky fucker. Just own it that you did not want to do it anymore, fine, but don't try to "justify" it with some faux outrage over nothing.

Start asking her for favors and see how she backs away quickly

I started off thinking the OP was being taken advantage of. But seriously OP, you come across appallingly and in your later posts you have shown your true colours. You are clearly not a friend to this person. I suspect she's better off without your favours.

And people who criticise you are not trolls btw. Did you genuinely think you could be such a cow when talking about your "friend" and that everyone on the thread would stay on side? I suspect those who are still siding with you probably haven't read all of your updates...

at the updates. I was last on this thread a few pages ago. Things have taken a turn for the nasty.

Tell her that you agreed to the arrangement because you considered her child and yours friends. As the children are clearly not friends the arrangement isn't convenient as DS wants to share the spare car space with a friend.

She is using you. Telling you her nursery age child has complete say over who he invites to his party is just an excuse. How many nursery age kids make all the choices at their parties? All it would take would be to say to party kid..yes you can have kid ABCD ext and of course we will be inviting kids e and f ...they are so kind in sharing their car with you. It's just starting the teaching of basic good manners and consideration and that you just don't use people for what you can get out of them and then ride rough shod over their feelings.

What is really bad in this case is that she is using you for her own convenience and riding rough shod over your children's feelings

I never iron, but some people do, so I don't see anything odd about her ironing at all. Surely if your house in in chaos, you sort it out one bit at a time? And maybe she just likes ironing, I hear some people weirdos do.

How is she struggling ? I thought she was a supply teacher, they are renovating a large house and planning a third baby next year when she is eligible for paid maternity leave from her new job.Why would you do that if you are struggling.

Arhh!! Just realized your friend is only inviting 2 kids. That puts a different spin on thing. Also just read back and see that you have been very judgemental over friend's situation. Also given quite a lot of information which could be outing for someone already struggling. That is not nice OP.

Fair enough her problems are not your problem but if you dislike the woman so much it's time to stop the lifts. Either help out with a good grace or leave well alone.

Plus shiningstar it isn't even the nursery child who had a 'party' - it was the older sibling of the nursery child.

I suspect the "struggling" is very much from the OPs perspective. This is the OP who snears at the friend because she stands ironing when the OP sends her husband's laundry out and seems astonished that the friend wouldn't do the same thing..

I misread that as channel 5 and was mystified for a bit there. I quite like BBC4 but probably wouldn’t put it on a present request list

OP these things rarely end well. Essentially it all hinges on everyone’s expectations being the same at the same time. I can never get to that point within my own family, let alone lining us up with another’s.

my husband's shirts go to a laundry every week. How weird is that standing ironing, I think it gives her respite form the chaos in her life!

Wow

maybe it was schadenfreude for her

Don't drag me into this! I have many faults, but I don't shit-stir. I think your BF is a spiteful twat.

some people don't get the full picture, so make erroneous judgements on the scant , edited information provided by the OP.

If you provide scant information, then you will get erroneous judgements.

It seems to me from your posts that you OFFERED to take her children to and from school and are now upset that your son hasn't been asked to her son's "party" (inverted commas because it isn't a party is it? - it's a little tea).
Your son is apparently not bothered, but you are -I was sympathetic to you at first - I wouldn't watch my child get snubbed and upset either - but it seems that your son wasn't bothered, so what's the problem?

Your BF sounds very unpleasant - that sort of behaviour is not amusing, but it sounds as thought the pair of you have been sniggering behind this poor woman's back over this "joke".

Mischievious? SPITEFUL!

Agree with everything @user187656748 has said. It seems everything you have done to help out is followed on by a put down about information gained by helping out. Very odd.