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Original poster

Taking friend's sons to school as a favour.

240 replies

Polly7 · 22/09/2018 12:21

As a favour to a friend whose sons attend the same nursery as my 2 sons . I agreed to take her sons to and fro to school and back. (I'm going anyway, so it's no biggie). However her eldest son has declined to invite my eldest son to his birthday party, her reason-" it's up to my son who he invites to his birthday party)! "I didn't want to get into a paid type of arrangement. I know that she's short of cash, so her job is vital. Her husband doesn't lift a finger to help her with her sons. I'm quite pissed off, and on the point of telling her that my eldest son doesn't want her son to accompany us to school! My husband and 2 close friends have said that I should tell her that our "arrangement" is terminated-she has taken advantage quite frequently re her kids staying for lunch with us,and what not! Any advice?

OP posts:
Original poster
Polly7 · 24/09/2018 21:39

I wasn't ecstatic about helping her! I felt/ feel sorry for her, she was struggling, and it was evident that she had zero support from relatives or husband. When I saw her huge pile of ironing yesterday, I stopped myself in time from asking if she had another ironing board+iron, so that I could help her! She's probably a nice person just takes on too much. Her son's birthday was the straw that broke the camel's back. She should have been honest, if she had said "just inviting 2 kids to elder son's birthday +MiL, no offence intended to anyone missed off the invitation list." It was the lies that annoyed me. I've tried to be a good friend. Others feel sorry for her, sorry to say she capitalises on that! Seriously who would have thought that the school gate would be so fraught!

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 24/09/2018 21:43

you did well OP... Flowers

Ellisandra · 24/09/2018 21:46

I still don’t understand about the Spode tea cup 😫

Ellisandra · 24/09/2018 21:46

Did she get you one or not?and how is your shit stirring best friend the fault of the supply teacher?

Gemini69 · 24/09/2018 21:57

whats your obsession with the Spode tea cup Ellisandra Hmm that's confusing me tbh

Ellisandra · 24/09/2018 22:01

Several other people seemed to have the same “obsession” on the thread, Gemini. It’s not unusual for a poster not to understand something, and say so. At first OP said the supply teacher said to a friend that she was going to get her a Spode tea cup - which didn’t seem like an example of a bad thing. Then it turned out the friend lied about OP liking Spode to the supply teacher. I don’t get it. I’d like clarification as it seems rather random - but not to the extent that I’d call it an obsession 🤣

Gemini69 · 24/09/2018 22:04

it's very random.. but OP's resolved it all... Flowers

Magicpaintbrush · 24/09/2018 22:32

There was another thread on MN last week from somebody who had friend taking her kids to school and who was wondering why the friend had suddenly become rather cool with her.... could that thread have been written by your CF friend OP??? Shock The overwhelming response on that thread was that the OP was a CF for asking her friend to do all her kids school runs. If only I could remember the title of the thread! It may have been in AIBU. How weird if you both started a thread about the same situation from opposite points of view!!

Original poster
Polly7 · 25/09/2018 11:33

Re the Spode tea cup, it's sitting happily on my kitchen windowsill, oregano herb lives in it!

Yikes wonder if it was her??!! Although whenever MN is mentioned she doesn't react at all?! Will look...

Weirdly she still hasn't mentioned my (week's notice), text and mail, but did say that her husband is being more proactive with their 2 sons, about flipping time!! We're still talking so it's all good!!

OP posts:
dustarr73 · 25/09/2018 13:07

@Polly7 she hadnt mentioned it because shes hoping you'll change your mind.

Thats why shes being so nice.

And can i ask,when did you get the spode,?.Cause somethings fishy as hell.

Havaina · 25/09/2018 13:13

I still don't get what happened with the Spode either.

De Spode explode.

Whereismumhiding2 · 26/09/2018 04:42

That's good OP. Let us know how it went when it all stopped.

Frankly it's weird that they were letting you do ALL the to fro nursery and school runs, when there is a dad there who could do it. And she works part time so presumably could do it some days (& you're doing 5/7?)

That's good bonding time with your children, if you're not working, and great opportunity to get to know other parents and children if walking or getting there a bit early. The CF dad could have been doing some of drop off and pick ups to help you as well.

It was the one sidedness and entitlement from her & him that bothered me about your OP. But it's great that it's gone down in friendly way, really why shouldn't it? It was a friend doing a favour who can't continue anymore.

Do be careful that CF parents don't try to drag you back into regularly helping them out on same through various (regular) 'emergencies'.

Cawfee · 26/09/2018 05:25

Why wasn’t the dad doing all the school runs? That’s really weird. I’d say that you offered and they took advantage but you let them. You really need to set clearer personal boundaries. Your ironing board comment is a huge red flag. Why did you feel like you should offer to help with somebody’s ironing?!? That’s her housework! I get that you stopped yourself but to have even thought it is strange. Do you like being a martyr? You should seek help about defining friendship boundaries.

flumpybear · 26/09/2018 05:58

Does her husband work?

BabySharkAteMyHamster · 26/09/2018 07:15

More fool her for ironing 😂😂😂

Original poster
Polly7 · 26/09/2018 08:09

The Spode tea cup was given to me Christmas 2017, in appreciation for taking her 2 boys to and from from school for the Autumn term. I told her that a thank you was fine, she needn't have bothered with a present. Her useless lazy husband is a "consultant", for what? God knows! He has Psych issues, he's adopted and suffers from a syndrome peculiar to some middle aged adoptees.

Yeah my mum always said that I was a sucker for a lame dog! Not only dogs, cats, horses, people etc.

I told her to use a dryer then she wouldn't have to iron clothes, my husband's shirts go to a laundry every week. How weird is that standing ironing, I think it gives her respite form the chaos in her life!

She can be a fun person to be with when she isn't asking for favours, which she won't, or can't return.

OP posts:
user187656748 · 26/09/2018 08:17

This thread is distinctly odd.

Children's parties and friendships change as they get older. The fact that you take the little ones to nursery doesn't impact on the fact that the older ones might not be the best of friends. I can certainly envisage a situation where I might have been doing a friend a favour with the nursery run for the younger children but my older children might not have gone to one another's parties, particularly if it was actually just 2/3 children!

likewise what business is it of yours if the "friend" stands ironing? That isn't strange at all, its something a large chunk of the population does on a regular basis

The teacup business sis just bizarre but the drip feed then comes that she actually bought you a teacup to say thank you!

The only issue as far as I can see is that you have been helping them with the nursery run whilst the DH doesn't appear to be helping out. Clearly that doesn't seem right. So then its up to you whether you carry on assisting or not.

To be honest I think you're trying to find a reason to be put out and you've read too many of these types of threads. usually I'm all for putting your foot down but I think your reasoning is strange on this one.

Original poster
Polly7 · 26/09/2018 08:40

I've resolved the situation. We're still friends. It was bizarre that she stood and ploughed on with her ironing whilst the rest of her home was in chaos. Maybe standing doing a huge pile of ironing is therapeutic?

OP posts:
RedOrBeDead · 26/09/2018 11:48

This thread is distinctly odd

I agree. The more the OP posts, the more I find her replies even more odd, as they make very little sense!

offside · 26/09/2018 12:02

Or maybe it was more important to have clothes clean, ironed and ready for the kids and herself than make sure the house was spotless. Not sure what business it is of yours anyway, I wouldn’t expect a friend to judge the ‘chaos’ of my house or my ironing skills

QueenArseClangers · 26/09/2018 12:22

Well I think that Op’s posts are coherent and make sense!
Does the male middle aged ‘condition’ that her husband has involve wearing frocks?

user187656748 · 26/09/2018 12:36

Does the male middle aged ‘condition’ that her husband has involve wearing frocks?

Where did that come from Confused??

Havaina · 26/09/2018 12:39

Maybe the CF starting ironing as soon as OP rang the bell so OP would take pity on her.

My husband starts his chores when he sees my car arrive outside.

RangeRider · 26/09/2018 12:40

So she gave you a thank you present at Christmas that was something you supposedly (according to your BF who she should have been able to trust) wanted - that says to me that she was trying to be nice rather than going with a generic box of Quality Street that she could get cheap in the run up to Christmas. She didn't invite your DS because it was just a 2 friends & MIL party - if she could only manage a couple of friends then it's reasonable to let her DS pick. And she prioritised ironing over cleaning the house - probably because she'd rather her family appeared clean & tidy out and about, and anyone who comes to her messy home is supposedly a friend who wouldn't judge her!
I'm not thinking the friend is really the one with the issue here. She sounds more like she's struggling with bugger all help at home and is trying to do the right thing where she can.

chemicalworld · 26/09/2018 13:37

I think you and your friend sound like petty beeeatches to be honest. Lets hope you never have an actual problem in your life.

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