Hello everyone, I hope you’re having a lovely Sunday so far! I’m so glad I’ve found this thread as I need your help!
Okay, I’ve really let myself go. I’ve been overweight since I went to live with my grandma as a child, so I’ve never been thin, but I have been confident in my weight. It’s always fluctuated but at my happiest, I was a size 12 and around 11 stone. I have large bones, hips, feet and a very wide back - I’m not petite in structure at all and any lower weight than 11stone I just wouldn’t look healthy. I’m 5.7 which isn’t too small, but I’m not petite in structure (my children were nearly 12lbs too!)
I used to work as a carer in a residential home, which involved being active. I would also do Zumba dvds, go jogging, walking a lot. And then I fled domestic abuse and hit the floor with depression, anxiety, living in refuge and trying to keep myself and my children safe. I don’t smoke nor drink, so I ate to deal with these emotions and stress. Large portions, multipacks, on my own in the dark and then wake up with self loathing.
When it all settled down and we were rehomed, I started a University degree and became sedentary with the revision and studying. Long story short, I’ve now graduated, I have no family and no friends around me, I’m incredibly lonely and I have gained three stones. I’m receiving mental health support.
I also bite my nails and the skin around them; I’m on 100mg of sertaline but I may request an increase. I haven’t done my hair in months and the roots are awful, but it’s so expensive to maintain. I’m a lone parent and work part time - there’s rarely anything left over for treats. It’s a meaningful job but not well paid. I’m learning to drive and I hope to go full time when I have passed.
Clothes wise- I like boho styles, layers etc and I would LOVE to be able to buy some jewellery for myself one day! And some gorgeous clothes, right now I buy from Primark and own one pair of shoes!
Before I met my ex, I had so many lovely clothes and accessories. I used to get my hair done every four weeks, wear self tan and make up each day. I’ve just lost my motivation. It’s enough to get through the day.
My ex-partner began a relationship whilst we were in refuge, she’s no longer with him but she’s a beautiful woman. She takes care of her body and although it’s not her fault, it’s almost like another blow. I feel ashamed when I see my ex at handover and then I go home to eat!
I’ve been single for nearly 7 years - not even a text or a date in this time, as I’ve concentrated on my children. But I don’t want to be lonely forever.
So I’ll be reading this with interest, I wish I could love me again.
Sorry it’s long and thank you for reading!