My partner is too close to his neice

[Libra27]

Hello need some advice on what to do as it's a difficult situation with family. Basically my partner is very close with his family which I have always liked and have also got along very well with. However in the last two years I've noticed my partner dotes on his sisters daughter (neice) more than he does his other neice. I've noticed this even with my own daughter which is his step daughter. A few examples is how he always seems happier when he sees her and finds everying she does hilarious (even when she's being naughty) always wanting to play with her like play fighting, hugging,teasing than he does even with my little girl which I find upsetting, especially as there close in age.

Also just to add he is alot more strict with his other neice and my daughter and less tolerable, which I find odd as the neice he idolises is in my opinion the naughtiest and most spoilt, so it frustrates me when he just laughs off her bad behaviour but won't treat the others the same. If we have a family day out just us three he wants to invite his sister and neice with us and calls me jealous if I want it just to be us three or says my daughter will be bored?.

An example of how close he is to his family shows through the fact we have never been on a family holiday together just us three, it's always been with his family.

I've mentioned this to him before how I find his behaviour unfair to the girls as they should be treated equally, I have even suggested he has a favourite neice but it either ends in an argument where I "hate" her or I'm "jealous".

Someone please either tell me I'm insane or confirm that I'm not as it's driving me crazy.

Btw on holiday when we finally had a day to ourselves I wanted to go on a paddle boat to which my partner said he didn't want to as he knew he'd be left paddling the whole way ... Lo and behold he went out with his sister and neice the very next day and went on one 😂😂😂 very immature thing to moan about I know but it's not about the paddle boat it's the principle 🤦🤦

What do I do ladies? Work on this or leave?

I’d leave.

He’s making it very clear that you and your DD are low in his priorities.

It’s never particularly healthy in a family setting showing favouritism. It can cause real drama and issues as in your case.

I don’t think you being peeved is unreasonable. What he chooses to do about it is up to him. If he chooses not to change how he acts and behaves, can you tolerate the status quo?

The thing is I don't think he is intentionally favouring his neice and when I pull him up on it he gets really defensive and Denys it but it's so obvious. But then again she is favoured by his whole so maybe it's there norm? Xx

He called you jealous? That's not good.

Is his sister his sister or SIL, my first thought reading was that niece could actually be his daughter....

On holiday his said "why do you hate a little girl so much?"

What can I say to that? 🤦

How old are the girls?

It's his sister's neice.. so I pray to God it's not his daughter 😂 but all joking aside I think this stems from the fact he's always been really close to his sister and its progressed onto his neice

I grew up in a situation like this. My cousin was the golden child wonder who was treated completely differently by my Grandfather than me. We used to be very close but as we got older and older it turned us against each other and I definitely resented her. We don't speak now which is sad.

It's nice that he's close to his family ,it's sad for the other children that he's not as close to them but how little regard he seems to show you is a bigger issue to me.

The neice is 5, my daughter 7 and his older neice 8

Your poor daughter is being placed into 2nd best by the man who is supposed to be her father figure. Its not uncommon for adults to favour a child over another but to be so obvious about it is nasty, unfair and he should be called out over it. The fact he shuts you down for mentioning it is a red flag.

You should be able to communicate and discuss things with him! He is ridiculous.

There is a difference between being close to family and living in each other's laps! Why is he doting on this child and his sister so much? It is borderline creepy. I feel sorry for the other niece who is pushed to the sidelines by this over attachment your DP has for the sister.

If you won't leave for yourself, consider how your daughter feels. She shouldn't grow up being 2nd best. Not ever.

Funny you say that dork diary because the two neices literally can't stand each other always arguing and fighting. I'm my opinion this is because the older child resents the youngest so there both fighting for affection.

Not healthy. I'd leave too as no way should you & your DD be 2nd best. Horrible for your DD to feel that way too.

Leave..

My daughter bless her is so sweet she hasn't a bad word to say about anybody and she doesn't pick up on it like an adult would. But other family members from my side has mentioned how the neice is favoured and spoilt but his whole family not just him, I'm just getting to the point of frustration and sick of feeling like me and my.daughter are second best to his sister and daughter

How long have you been together? If he's had 5 years with DN and 1 year with you and DSD then that's maybe why?

I've been with him for nearly five years so he's known my daughter since the age of 3 xx

It's only been in the last two years I've noticed it getting worse xx

Do you think it could be because she’s the youngest?

I wouldn’t leave because of it but I also wouldn’t drop it.

Yeah it could be just an age thing and she is a funny little girl but i don't think he can separate us as his own little family and them which I think is the problem x

Leave..

^
This

It could be my own insecurities as my daughter isn't biologically his but I don't feel this way about the older neice x

TBH, when I started reading your post, you sounded a bit jealous. You keep comparing how he acts around your niece with how he acts with your DD. He's known his niece for a long time, so has had time to build a relationship.

However, as I read further and you related a few instances, it crossed my mind that he could be doing something purposefully here. There are a lot of covert abusive, or narcissistic men out there who like to torment their partner (who cares why). He may have worked out that this who niece/DD issue is a sore point for you, and now he is prodding you with it.

I recommend watching some videos on youtube about narcissists and traits of a covert abusive partner, as see if any of it sounds familiar.

Does he have some sort of unhealthy thing going on here? Find the touchy stuff a bit troubling.

Category 12 for reasons not mentioned I have worried but I thinks that's due to my past and being hypervigilant, I think cos she's the youngest and a lot more boisterous but I cant help feel uncomfortable