My partner is too close to his neice

[Libra27]

Hello need some advice on what to do as it's a difficult situation with family. Basically my partner is very close with his family which I have always liked and have also got along very well with. However in the last two years I've noticed my partner dotes on his sisters daughter (neice) more than he does his other neice. I've noticed this even with my own daughter which is his step daughter. A few examples is how he always seems happier when he sees her and finds everying she does hilarious (even when she's being naughty) always wanting to play with her like play fighting, hugging,teasing than he does even with my little girl which I find upsetting, especially as there close in age.

Also just to add he is alot more strict with his other neice and my daughter and less tolerable, which I find odd as the neice he idolises is in my opinion the naughtiest and most spoilt, so it frustrates me when he just laughs off her bad behaviour but won't treat the others the same. If we have a family day out just us three he wants to invite his sister and neice with us and calls me jealous if I want it just to be us three or says my daughter will be bored?.

An example of how close he is to his family shows through the fact we have never been on a family holiday together just us three, it's always been with his family.

I've mentioned this to him before how I find his behaviour unfair to the girls as they should be treated equally, I have even suggested he has a favourite neice but it either ends in an argument where I "hate" her or I'm "jealous".

Someone please either tell me I'm insane or confirm that I'm not as it's driving me crazy.

Btw on holiday when we finally had a day to ourselves I wanted to go on a paddle boat to which my partner said he didn't want to as he knew he'd be left paddling the whole way ... Lo and behold he went out with his sister and neice the very next day and went on one 😂😂😂 very immature thing to moan about I know but it's not about the paddle boat it's the principle 🤦🤦

What do I do ladies? Work on this or leave?

My initial post was about favouritism because that's what I thought it was . Yes those incidents made me uncomfortable but as I said in my earlier posts I'm naturally wary of people and all this was done in front of family members who didn't care so I talked myself out of those horrible thoughts. Since this post we have been sleeping seperately and I'm trying to work out how to approach this. He hasn't an idea why I've suddenly gone cold. I'm tempted just to end things rather than confront him . I mean who is Gunna admit to that? .

@kidsneedfathers if I report that to social services it will literally not go anywhere unless I said the words sexual abuse I need more proof.

I'm from a close knit family. DB is also godfather to DD...she has a lovely personality and is very sociable and empathetic out of all my DC. ... but he doesnt exhibit this behaviour.

My DB does have his own children though.

I would be annoyed if one child was favoured over another as you describe ... I would have serious words with family members about it...because it's very damaging to the other children.

Libra Where is the little one's dad? Is if
off contact with him? If her dad's family is present in her life then you might want to share your concerns with them. Anyway the boundaries between the uncle and his niece seem to be non existing. I believe you can contact some bureaux to express your concerns and they will decide what to do. I hope a lady around can give some info about whom to contact ... Sandy his behavior is not of favoritism.only. Libra described very disturbing behaviors in her later posts. ...Good Luck Libra

Thing is, you know he won't talk to you rationally like a normal adult, so there is no point really.

@kidsneedfathers thank you xx

I've missed the other behaviour (will go back and read) ..but quite frankly if I had grave concerns I'd simply end the relationship.

Why isn't that your first course of action?

I just realised his nieces aren't sisters either.

He sounds weird and I wouldn't want him around my child. I wouldn't be trying to tell him his behaviour doesn't sit well with me... I'd go on the lines of "this relationship isn't working for me

If his family members think it's okay to pull down the trousers of a 5 year old like that ...then they all have issues and I'd rather be away from the lot of them.

Serious boundary issues.

The amount of people on here talking about abuse, grooming or that it's uncomfortable. Seriously. What warped minds There is nothing wrong with a man playing with his own niece. My happiest memories was playing with my uncles. At least they make effort to engage and show love than not!
Yes if you have an issue about his doting, and the rest of the family over a cute 5 year old..... I too would wonder why you asked and if you were jealous. It's not weird to say that. Your child has a father to dote her; another man doesn't want to replace that. If that's what you're looking for and it bothers you then leave the relationship. You want us to validate it's inappropriate...no it isn't.

The amount of harsh and judgemental comments I get on here. Obviously this is not an easy subject. Yes id love your advice and opinion but not judgements on why I haven't left yet, seriously ..

@butterfly44 it's not as black and white as that. As said before it's not just the doting it's the unfairness on the two other girls. call me jealous it's only an opinion

@Butterfly44

Is an uncle pulling down his niece's trousers exposing her private parts acceptable to you?

I appreciate you probably haven't read the whole thread, as I missed that too.

@SandyY2K

Hmmm...yes I did miss that and have now re read just her posts. Mentioned quite late in the thread by the OP, but the context given was not that in a private peado way everyone is jumping at ...but messing around with the whole family. How do you know the context and what the family were laughing at? Now I know a lot about safeguarding and what's appropriate and not, and this doesn't flag red. Half my family is from another culture where kids are adored, cheeks pulled etc and most people on this thread would think it a flag for something sexual.
The OP started the thread talking about her partners close knit family and how she doesn't feel comfortable feeling second. She's jealous of a 5 year old, and his relationship with his sister. Bit of drip feeding but then mentions past abusive relationship and her insecurities ...now she's in separate bedrooms...not communicating why to DP. OP to me sounds very insecure and wants attention she's not getting. Either communicate or leave. Not much else to it.

Butterfly. I agree the thread is a bit confusing and drip feeding. It seemed to gather momentum as it rolled along.

In my family cheek pulling, cuddling, twirling, general merriment is normal. But pulling trousers down, lying on top of her, and hanging around open loo doors is a concerning matter. It made my stomach lurch.

I was abused up to the age of 12/13. I hold it in. My mum used to think there were child abusers and abducters on every street corner. Turns out she too was abused as a child. God knows what happened to her during and after the war? My gran was married 5 times. 4 died and one legged it. We used to joke about it. But, looking back as an adult my brain is connecting the dots and replaying family anecdotal conversations. Not healthy. I do try to keep a healthy perspective due to my upbringing. But to reiterate, there are some points for concern in the OP's posts. I'd probably do what she's doing to get some breathing space. I have a separate bedroom from Dh. Sometimes I need to be apart. OP just needs to dress it up to how she's feeling at the moment. Not to make a big deal of it, at least to him. Lull him into a false sense of security. No that's unhealthy. All needs to calm down. OP probably would benefit from stepping away from the thread.