I need to end this right?

[PlaidPjamas]

I've been seeing someone for a few months, it's been just what I need and just what he needs too. Been going so well we feel happy and safe together, talk things through. There's been major life stuff happening and we've talked each other through it, never a bad reaction.

But I've been financially abused and used before and it's always been a fear of mine. He does know this.

He's in a bad place money wise, I am not. I had a sense eventually that may become an issue and the other day we started talking money. He asked me to borrow a significant amount. A large amount.

I haven't slept since, now all I can think is he is so nice, caring, says he loves me, because there is an end goal. But he just doesn't seem to be that person, he seems to genuinely love me.

My head says finish it, my heart is hurting. And he's going through a tough time so now is a bad time to do this.

But I have to right?

At least he's making it easier by being a twonk.

You were just using him for sex! Oh that really shows his logic. Either you give him a huge amount of money after six months or you weren't serious about the relationship potential.

With a message like that from him I would be inclined to send the shortest dumping message possible. "It is over. Goodbye."

So now he is getting angry? Because he is realising you haven't fallen for him, hook, line and sinker.

He tried convincing and brow beating you into it. So now he will try and make you feel shit and guilty. Then go back to b3 amazing again.

Please tell us that you realise that he is not a lovely guy.

Yea he's angry and stamping his feet now. Didn't get what he wanted.
Does he think you owe him something for the sex?
That's not how these things work.
Glad you are definitely going to end it.
Well rid.

Ah, so he's now doing the ' but if you loved me / were serious about us / blah blah blah, you'd lend me the money' dance.

If he was proposing a quick payback then why hasn't he asked the bank for a loan? Probably because the bank would say NO as he isn't financially viable.

I don't think I have ever heard a man complain that a woman only wanted him for sex.

That was a quick about turn, and all you need to know really... And I'm with you on the ellipses............

Ah, I see... so if you reply along the lines that 'No, I wasn't using you for sex' then you are basically saying 'I really cared for you' and the next thing is it's all smoothed over.

Well he’s thrown a right little tantrum hasn’t he! That’s attractive.

Hope he’s making it easier for you by showing his true colours. Everything was fine and dandy and you were perfect together- until he wasn’t getting his own way and the mask slipped.

My ex was exactly like this. When I eventually ended our marriage he accused me of all sorts, all untrue.

My new husband earns much less than me and I don’t give a hoot. He’s a wonderful human being and he brings untold riches to my life that money can’t buy.

Take care of yourself, open yourself some nice wine when you get home, relax and feel grateful you recognised this chancer early on. Took me over ten years to find the courage to leave my ex husband.

"You were just using me for sex......"

Response:

well I certainly wasn’t using you for your financial accumen. It’s over. Bye

Although I'm fighting the urge to say "you only use three dots in an ellipses, for that we are over"

Ha! A woman after my own heart 🤗

Well if nothing else OP you've taught me something with regards the elipses. Every days a school day.

I'm so sorry this man has turned out to be such a dick. You sound lovely and deserve much better.

Every day's a school day.

Best get the comma in the right place!

I see... so if you reply along the lines that 'No, I wasn't using you for sex' then you are basically saying 'I really cared for you' and the next thing is it's all smoothed over

Well spotted, Polka

Though given the amount he wanted to borrow, I'd say he's got a pretty high opinion of his own sexual prowess ...

PlaidPjamas maybe remember that you really don't owe him a long text or explanation? Anything above a few choice words will most likely attract another two hour barrage and do you really want that?

We'll at least he's made this easy for you. It's not worth thinking or writing an explanation. Just tell him that it isn't going to work for you and good bye.

"You were just using me for sex......" - LOL

As others have said, no long explanation, you owe him nothing. He has shown his true colours. A simple "I am sorry you feel that way. Take care. I do not wish to maintain contact."

Oh, fuck him off! You owe this twat nothing. He's looking for another in to argue with you, make you feel bad and manipulate you, the way he did last night when you broke up with him and he didn't respect that. Keep it simple and then block. You can't communicate with this chancer because all he does is try to twist and manipulate. He has to be blocked. He's got a massive sense of entitlement.

You don't owe him any reply at all. You've said all that was needed, you politely ended it. Don't let him keep poking you for a reaction..

I agree with Honey, I'd just block him now.

I agree he's made it easier by showing his true colours. Don't bother replying. Do NOT get sucked into any kind of dialogue.

I know you're feeling sad, but can you feel a little spark of pride in yourself because you thought carefully about where your boundaries lie and you took the right action when they were crossed? You're building your shark cage

"You think you deserve tens of thousands for sex? It wasn't THAT great, mate. Goodbye and do NOT contact me again, chancer. P.S. Learn to budget."

Oh OP, this is a great development. He's really shown you his true colours now. Run for the hills and don't look back.

OP. I have a friend with poor boundaries. A man used to phone her late at night for a "booty call". He'd come over, shag her and then ask for £20 for a taxi home. She wondered if she were being nice enough!

Another friend: married a bone fide billionaire. My friend still works the same job (albeit part time) and they live a pretty regular life. The billionaire in question never lived an extravagant lifestyle anyway. Just wanted to share that there is somewhere someone out there who wants to be with you simply because you are you... And not just because you're loaded or a certifiable sex-pest!

Every day'*s a school day.

Best get the comma in the right place!*

(Cough cough) or the apostrophe even...😜

Hahahaha I like the fact that despite feeling stressed because I sent my beautifully crafted thoughtful goodbye message and am now receiving a barrage of shit back (I know I know block but I sort of need to see the true colours come out I'm an overthinking masochist).

So yes despite that, I am so cheered up that my thread has turned into a grammar nazi free for all. The world is still turning and pedantry still rules. Thank you, I love you all