My partner wants nothing to do with me, because.....

[BSmart]

I slept with someone else when we'd broken up.

This is how it started.

My partner and I have just recently gotten back together. We were talking casually on the phone, then one conversation led to another and he said " I was going out with someone, 2 years ago, when we'd broken up, she had two kids, was working for the council and so forth. I was fucking her but I soon got bored and the relationship just fizzled out". A bit hurt, I replied " Oh, ok, did I really need to know that ?". Then, when we were talking about my family, he mentions, "...you know your youngest sister, she's the prettiest out of your whole family, she's pretty you know". I replied " Why do you like putting me down ? That hurts you know, I don't care about you calling her "pretty" but to say she's the prettiest out of my whole family is hurtful". Partner laughs it off and says " Your being petty, I'm with you aren't I ? I have no interest in your sister, she's too young". After that, I didn't say much.

Moving forward in the conversation, we were talking about his real motive of him wanting to get back with me. I felt , because his getting older and wants to settle down, he would just settle for DS and I. He replied "How can you say that? I want to get back with you etc". Then I replied "Your just saying that because your lonely"; then he said " Trust me, I can get any woman". Me, knowing what he was getting at, I told him " Sex is easy" and he said " Really ? How do you know?". Then I told him "....because when we broke up, I had sex with someone else". He replied "What ? You know what, I don't want to talk to you anymore". I said " How can you say that ? It's ok for you to tell me about your sexual encounters but I can't ? I have needs you know...you can expect me to be celibate when you disappeared for 7 months on end".

Now, my partner wants nothing to do with me and is refusing to answer my calls.

I know I was being petty. But is it bad that I had sex with someone else when we'd broken up ? It was a long time ago.

He puts you down by making a point about your sister. The ONLY reason he isn't with her is that she's too young. Then he talks about someone else with kids that he 'was fucking' then he got bored and left her. This is to Belittle you and Warn you that you are a piece of meat he can use and then drop when he gets bored.
He does this in order to hurt you ON PURPOSE. Then when you protest and point this out, he says you are petty for doing it.

That's what you'll get your whole life,and worse, if you go back with this person.

(1) He puts you down in a variety of horrible ways
(2) You tried to protest
(3) He gave you more verbal abuse.
(4) You say 'oh you're right, it is my fault'.

If there was a friend or family member you loved and cared about, and they told you a man had treated them like that, what would you tell them to do?

Another poor child growing up with dysfunctional parents!

Why would it your only chance to have a family?

Is having a family important enough to accept that sort of shitty behaviour? What sort if family will that be?

Let him go.
He wants to sulk and stop talking to you? Good. Let him do so. Ignore him.
You contacting and begging him to stay, it didn’t mean anything etc... would only reinforce this idea he is somehow better than you. And that you arevthe One who needs to work hard and accept whatever shit he is sending your way.
Don’t.

He's a twat.

Everything that comes out of his mouth is designed to make you feel WORTHLESS so you feel LUCKY to have him.

And you're falling for it too! You probably don't feel very worthy or valued or special, and you know what? He's taking advantage of that, plain and simple. I've been with someone like this before and all they liked to do was brush up their own ego and make you feel like 'nothing special'.

Here are some phrases he said which I bet your guy said too.
'I could get with anyone I want'
'I could have sex tonight if I wanted, easy'
'You're being petty/silly/OVER EMOTIONAL'
'I've seen x girls when we were apart but they were not special, just typical bouncy blondes/easy girls'
'you know I put time and effort into you right'

And now you've gone and 'fucked' another guy, his ego probably feels bruised now doesn't it. He's not a man, he's just an arrogrant prat with big feathers who thinks you shouldn't want anyone but him.

He sounds emotionally abusive. Bin him.

We are in our mid 20’s but have been together since we were in our early teens.

Early teens? Seriously, call this a day and move on. There’s a big world out there.

If you are in your mid 20s then you have plenty of time to bin him off, grow up a bit, get some therapy, develop higher standards, meet a better man and have more children with him.

When he disappeared for 7 months, did he have contact with your child?

Who the hell does he think he is? It's ok for him to move on and have sex with other people when you split, but he expects you to be a nun and sit about and wait for him????? Get rid of this pile of garbage, he'll ruin you.

Oh and on a related note, don't have more children with someone who doesn't marry you first.

Oh and on a related note, don't have more children with someone who doesn't marry you first.

don't be a dick.

I would call that a lucky escape.

don't be a dick

I'm not being a dick.

She's already been left holding one baby by a man who thinks he can fuck off into the sunset and then walk back in when he wants to.

A lucky escape - run like the wind

Marriage doesn't ensure a healthy relationship. It would be perfectly possible for a married woman to be treated this way by her husband. And in this type of relationship there's a lot to be said for having the ability to just walk away.

Do you honestly think this is the best you can do for yourself and your child? The best you both deserve?

I know you are all right. But this is how he is, normally. I don’t think he meant to hurt me but he can’t comprehend the fact that he hurt me. If you see what I mean.

Never mind that he allegedly wanted to get back with you. What do you want- other than a potential father for another baby? You haven’t posted any compelling evidence as to why it would be a good idea to try again ( it rarely is).

He sounds absolutely grim. Just contain your self respect and move on. If you do get back together with him he will beat you with this stick relentlessly.

Try staying single for a while longer and learn about being happy without a partner. The find a nice one.

He actually wants my hand in marriage. But that’s another thread.

Marriage doesn't ensure a healthy relationship. It would be perfectly possible for a married woman to be treated this way by her husband.

True, but the first part of my advice was to get some therapy to work out why she has such bad taste in men.

And in this type of relationship there's a lot to be said for having the ability to just walk away.

As above.

The OP needs to get rid of this man, figure out why she has such low standards and look for someone better.

But as a general rule I would have huge misgivings about any man who was happy to get me pregnant but not willing to commit to marriage.

Stay apart and move on!

He actually wants my hand in marriage

I thought you said he wants nothing to do with you and isn’t answering your calls?

I agree with the poster above
Stay apart and move on. And have a good hard think about the traits you find attractive in a man.

He's negging you. Constantly. He wants you nice and insecure so he can say and do what the fuck he likes.

He is doing you a massive favour right now by cutting you off. Why would you want to live with this arsehole. Why would you want to subject your child to him? He will always be like this. One rule for him and one rule for you.

This guy isn't a 'partner'. You have an on / off relationship with him. Let it stay off and find someone decent to spend your life with.