My partner wants nothing to do with me, because.....

[BSmart]

I slept with someone else when we'd broken up.

This is how it started.

My partner and I have just recently gotten back together. We were talking casually on the phone, then one conversation led to another and he said " I was going out with someone, 2 years ago, when we'd broken up, she had two kids, was working for the council and so forth. I was fucking her but I soon got bored and the relationship just fizzled out". A bit hurt, I replied " Oh, ok, did I really need to know that ?". Then, when we were talking about my family, he mentions, "...you know your youngest sister, she's the prettiest out of your whole family, she's pretty you know". I replied " Why do you like putting me down ? That hurts you know, I don't care about you calling her "pretty" but to say she's the prettiest out of my whole family is hurtful". Partner laughs it off and says " Your being petty, I'm with you aren't I ? I have no interest in your sister, she's too young". After that, I didn't say much.

Moving forward in the conversation, we were talking about his real motive of him wanting to get back with me. I felt , because his getting older and wants to settle down, he would just settle for DS and I. He replied "How can you say that? I want to get back with you etc". Then I replied "Your just saying that because your lonely"; then he said " Trust me, I can get any woman". Me, knowing what he was getting at, I told him " Sex is easy" and he said " Really ? How do you know?". Then I told him "....because when we broke up, I had sex with someone else". He replied "What ? You know what, I don't want to talk to you anymore". I said " How can you say that ? It's ok for you to tell me about your sexual encounters but I can't ? I have needs you know...you can expect me to be celibate when you disappeared for 7 months on end".

Now, my partner wants nothing to do with me and is refusing to answer my calls.

I know I was being petty. But is it bad that I had sex with someone else when we'd broken up ? It was a long time ago.

Run like the wind, he sounds really nasty, manipulative and very insecure.

You walked straight in to his trap. He was looking for an excuse to end the relationship again. Find your dignity. Block him.

He’s telling you about people he has slept with to goad you.

I did ask him about his ex, as he occasionally mentions her. But I didn't expect him to tell me all of that.

I just feel so bad .

You’re making excuses for him.

Well you feel bad, becayse that's he was trying to make you feel.

You've done nothing wrong, block the idiot. Life's to short to spend it with wankers like this.

How ? Was it immature on my end ?

A bit. Engaging with that at all. Why continue with such a conversation? He's clearly trying to make you jealous. You keep asking why and trying to explain that he's being hurtful, then you tried to make him jealous. Why would you keep that conversation going? Why wouldn't you think "OMG what a prick!" and just hang up?

He's sounds like a right twat. Leave him to it. He's having a tantrum. How he talks about women should be a massive red flag for you. Do you want your son to end up like that?

I have his child and this could be my only chance of growing a family.

Sounds like a teenager realationship.

This, a 1000 x this

He abandoned you (and his child?) for 7 months?

OP, that is not a healthy relationship. If you stay with this guy, I can’t be any clearer than this, you will not be happy. That’s it. You need to know that.

OP, I'm not sure why you want anything to do with this arsehole.

Block his number, and then go and have some relationship counselling so you don't fall for guys like him in the future. You sound very insecure and like you need to deal with your own issues before you get together with anyone else.

You want more children with this awful man? How old are you? Why would you bring more children into this dysfunctional relationship? My mind really boggles.

What happened to you that makes you think being treated like this is acceptable?

You've already split up and got together again at least twice.
That doesn't sound like a very stable relationship anyway

Sounds like a teenager realationship.

How ?

How ?

Because mature adults don’t try and goad each other by talking about people they’ve slept with and who is prettier than who. Especially those who have children together.

How?

In the sense that neither of you sound mature enough to drive a car, buy alcohol or vote, let alone procreate.

(Sorry.)

I was just thinking you sound very young OP.

can you talk to someone IRL about this - someone with more life experience? I think it's going to be hard to put across to you how bad this, via a bunch of strangers online.

Think what you would be teaching that child

As hard as it is to hear...its not good for DC to grow up seeing a toxic relationship

Believe me I am not kicking you while you are down but I promise you you will hate seeing your DC start to understand how badly he treats you

I wouldn't call it immature but it's certainly not healthy... you have an out...take it ...take it and move on

All of the dramatics and manipulation make it sound like a teenage relationship. 'Oh I want to be with you but I had sex with someone else and your sister is prettier than you and I can have any woman I want'

I too would be interested to know how old you and he are as it all seems pretty immature to me. You don't have to'grow a family' with him! Choose better partners; he's a knob.

His whole spiel is his way of making you think you're lucky to be with him, after all, he can sleep with who he likes and treat them however he likes but you'll accept him making sure you know you're not even the person he finds most attractive in your family.

Let him be gone. This will only get worse if you try to accommodate his poor behaviour.

I have no idea why he came back with you but I can tell you he has no respect for you.

There is no issue with you having sex with someone if you weren’t a couple anymore. How were to know you wouod be back together??
And why would it be ok for him to do so but not you?

And yes I think the whole conversation was about keeping you in your place.
Look at I can get any women- ie you better make an effort if you want to keep me
Your dsis is prettier than you - you’re not beautiful, so make an effort if you dint want to be left alone
Been upset at you actually having sex with someone else - we’ll this is clearly morally wrong and is showing how you are as a person. So you really need to make double the fdort to make me stay with you.

Except NOTHING IS RIGHT ABOUT WHAT HE SAID
He is trying to constantly out you down and keep you at your place so you know you have to jump through hoops to keep him.
Do NOT believe a word of what he said.

The fact that you can not recognise that HE is indeed hurting you is worrying. He is putting you down and making you feel insecure quite deliberately.

You should avoid this man like the plague and find someone who loves you deeply and doesn't play with your feelings. Stop calling and move on. He is not worth it, and will always make you feel second rate (at best)