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Constructive critique of a man's dating profile please.

462 replies

LondonDecorator · 06/09/2018 23:34

If it helps I'm 43.
I've been told by my ex-partner (we're still friends) to find out what women would like to see in a dating profile. We've been separated for two years but are very communicative and co-operative for the children because we both think they come first. Parents at war with each other are not acting in their kids best interests we believe that children are blessings not weapons.

I can kind of understand why women would be put off or threatened by that but having been at war with the children used as weapons by my ex-wife before this is by far the better way for us as parents to conduct ourselves.

So I'm looking for advice because honesty doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere. I've pasted my profile below and cannot stress enough that I'm not looking for a hook up here which is why I've left out the name of the site I'm on.

Feel free to edit or comment. I am looking for constructive criticism and advice not petty childish insults and abuse which seems to be the way the internet is, present company accepted. Hopefully I'm not committing romantic suicide here.

Well here goes:
*Welcome to the most honest profile you'll ever read!

I prefer messages to likes but if we have a mutual like I'll message you.

So here goes me....
I am sociable outgoing man with many varied interests who values honesty, loyalty, passion, affection and intelligence in a woman.

If you like Chas n Dave and you want to be my London Girl read on.

I'm self employed as a Decorator/ Builder. Theatre as opposed to cinema mostly, I like music, (Blues, Jazz, Rock, Metal & Classical) , dancing, food, cooking, pubs, beer, gigs, books, vintage writing instruments (fountain pens), writing, wine, cycling, museums, galleries, camping, and deep sea fishing. I also like to sing at open mic nights and occasionally Karaoke.

I'm looking for a lady who is affectionate, broadminded, passionate/ adventurous, submissive but my equal too, warmhearted, into country walks, nature plus days by the Seaside as well as all of the above who doesn't mind letting her man take the lead. A woman who considers reading together to be a romantic activity because reading is really important. Gsoh+++

A supportive sexually compatible lover and long term or life partner who is not only good for my heart but also for my soul but in the meantime let's have some fun whilst we find out if we're compatible.

Also you must like children because mine will always come first for me as yours should for you.

I plan to go travelling around Europe next year. Maybe we could both go together.

You won't change me so don't try to just love me for who I am and I'll evolve at my own pace with you.

I like dogs and dogs like me but don't have one only because I have a weird sick reflex to * from childhood, many boots have been thrown out.
I have had cats before though and would happily have one again cats are cool.

I like Marmite, Steak, Italian, Thai, Chinese, Indian, Mexican and Nando's. I'm also thinking of becoming a vegetarian except for the fish of course.

Our first meeting will be for drinks somewhere along the river it runs right through London so it's convenient for everyone. The first date will be different, a bit more off the wall, more interesting.

I'd also like to date a woman who has her own eyebrows if possible not someone who shaves them all off only to draw them back on again. I don't get it I never will.
Also those cheap tacky big hoop earrings are a massive turnoff for me.

Finally I am totally non PC and not permanently offended .*

OP posts:
ohamIreally · 06/09/2018 23:39

Yeah I would never date you. Submissive?

FaFoutis · 06/09/2018 23:41

It's like two different people - one nice, one a bit nasty. Confusing.

BigBlueBubble · 06/09/2018 23:41

in the meantime let's have some fun whilst we find out if we're compatible
To me this screams “looking to hook up” and is a massive red flag.

mine will always come first for me
This basically means “you will always come second.

You won't change me so don't try
Means “not willing to compromise or adapt, I always want my own way.

Also agree with pp that “submissive” is a turn off for most women.

LoisWilkerson1 · 06/09/2018 23:42

Delete all of it. Hth

MonaChopsis · 06/09/2018 23:42

I wouldn't want to date a guy with that profile, I'm afraid. It makes you sound totally inflexible, it's like a shopping list of things you require without giving any indication of personality.

Slapbetcommissioner · 06/09/2018 23:43

I would never message that man nor reply to his messages. Ever. Not ever.

I can't give feedback because any changes would then make it 'not him'. I can see why he isn't getting much interest though.

I pulled many faces.

Not ever.

BigBlueBubble · 06/09/2018 23:43

What is * ?

Slapbetcommissioner · 06/09/2018 23:44

Oh sorry, I read it wrong. I thought you were a woman helping her ex to make his dating profile better not the man whose profile it was. Apart from the incorrect him/that man etc the rest of my post stands.

FaFoutis · 06/09/2018 23:46

I presumed * was shit

PerryPerryThePlatypus · 06/09/2018 23:46

It would be a no for me. You come across as a my way or the highway type of person. Your kids come first but then you want to travel around Europe?

FaFoutis · 06/09/2018 23:47

An easy edit - vegetarians don't eat fish.

Chattycatty · 06/09/2018 23:47

Sounds like you want a hook up and a submissive one at that

LoisWilkerson1 · 06/09/2018 23:48

If you really are real and this profile is genuine, I think you are beyond help. You sound very self important and arrogant. Sorry but I don't even know where to start. The mansplaining, the submissive comment, the list of requirements.....

MeanTangerine · 06/09/2018 23:48

Seriously?

  1. delete the first paragraph. Only liars need tell you they're honest.
  2. definitely delete the bit towards the end where you were rude about many women's appearance / taste. Slagging off other women = bad sign
  3. delete the last paragraph too. "Non-pc" may mean laid -back and common - sense to you, but it means racist /sexist /homophobic to a lot of others.
  4. the paragraph about dogs is bizarre and not a turn - on. Delete it
  5. "our first meeting will be... Or first date will be..." why are you dictating terms? Maybe the reader would like to do something else?
  6. remove the references to sex. They serve no purpose, and are all about you being satisfied, not her - bad sign
  7. the "you won't change me" paragraph - take that out. It sounds like lots of women have felt the need to change you in the past - bad sign
  8. please don't explain that vintage writing instruments are fountain pens.
  9. saying you're into food and cooking and then listing Marmite and Nando's as your faves sends mixed messages
RaininSummer · 06/09/2018 23:48

You do sound quite controlling. Its fine to know what you want but its such a list of wants that there will be a narrow field of applicants. You are even telling them what the first meeting will be.

Mrskeats · 06/09/2018 23:48

I don’t like it it’s so patronising
Don’t get me started on the submissive

AmIthatbloodycold · 06/09/2018 23:51

Poor punctuation puts me off, so I would probably put this in the "no" pile.

As for submissive - god, no.

BigBlueBubble · 06/09/2018 23:52

I presumed * was shit

But cats shit also and he likes them? Also makes me wonder how someone who freaks out about shit manages to be a parent?

LoisWilkerson1 · 06/09/2018 23:53

reading is really important

Is it? Well I had no ideaAngry

ColinsVeryJolly · 06/09/2018 23:53

You sound like a serial killer. HTH

RaspberryGirl · 06/09/2018 23:55

Far too intense and long. There’s no way I’d message / reply to you. Start again, 2/3 paragraphs max.

ProudThrilledHappy · 06/09/2018 23:56

That profile screams self-obsessed control freak. You would be a big swipe left.

GooseFartingInTheFog · 06/09/2018 23:56

So here goes me....
I am sociable outgoing man with many varied interests who values honesty, loyalty, passion, affection and intelligence in a woman. (All good)

If you like Chas n Dave and you want to be my London Girl read on. (All good)

I'm self employed as a Decorator/ Builder. Theatre as opposed to cinema mostly, I like music, (Blues, Jazz, Rock, Metal & Classical) , dancing, food, cooking, pubs, beer, gigs, books, vintage writing instruments (fountain pens), writing, wine, cycling, museums, galleries, camping, and deep sea fishing. I also like to sing at open mic nights and occasionally Karaoke. (Too much, slim this down)

I'm looking for a lady who is affectionate, broadminded, passionate/ adventurous, submissive but my equal too, (unless it’s a specialist site, this really shouldn’t be here and is really off putting) warmhearted, into country walks, nature plus days by the Seaside as well as all of the above who doesn't mind letting her man take the lead. A woman who considers reading together to be a romantic activity because reading is really important. Gsoh+++

A supportive sexually compatible lover and long term or life partner who is not only good for my heart but also for my soul but in the meantime let's have some fun whilst we find out if we're compatible. (Either/ or, you can’t have both as it seems like you’re just feeding them lines but you’re actually after a fling)

Also you must like children because mine will always come first for me as yours should for you. (I get what you mean but You could put this nicer = my children are my world)

I plan to go travelling around Europe next year. Maybe we could both go together. (Fine)

You won't change me so don't try to just love me for who I am and I'll evolve at my own pace with you. (Dreadful - consider deleting and rethinking your approach to dating in general after this comment)

I like dogs and dogs like me but don't have one only because I have a weird sick reflex to * from childhood, many boots have been thrown out.
I have had cats before though and would happily have one again cats are cool.

I like Marmite, Steak, Italian, Thai, Chinese, Indian, Mexican and Nando's. I'm also thinking of becoming a vegetarian except for the fish of course. (Too much, seriously it’s like you’re playing bingo here)

Our first meeting will be for drinks somewhere along the river it runs right through London so it's convenient for everyone. The first date will be different, a bit more off the wall, more interesting. (Erm, that’s to be agreed between you both, so a bit off putting)

I'd also like to date a woman who has her own eyebrows if possible not someone who shaves them all off only to draw them back on again. I don't get it I never will.
Also those cheap tacky big hoop earrings are a massive turnoff for me. (Get both these comments but I don’t think they’re needed, just go by the pictures surely?)

Finally I am totally non PC and not permanently offended .*

pinkunicorn20 · 06/09/2018 23:57

You seem to have a lot of unrealistic expectations. To be honest it reads like you want to meet someone you can slot into your life who will happily follow your agenda.

If that's what you want then you've nailed it but u don't envisage many (if any) responses for you.

If you would like to meet someone and build a meaningful connection you must rewrite the whole thing.

Lastly, I hope you look bloody good yourself to make such comments about a woman's appearance, if anyone were to make it to the end and consider giving you a shot the bitchy comments would make them press back on their browser.

BrokenFlipflop · 06/09/2018 23:58

It's far far too long and quite frankly is really odd almost creepy. I would delete it and ask someone else to write it on your behalf.