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Constructive critique of a man's dating profile please.

462 replies

LondonDecorator · 06/09/2018 23:34

If it helps I'm 43.
I've been told by my ex-partner (we're still friends) to find out what women would like to see in a dating profile. We've been separated for two years but are very communicative and co-operative for the children because we both think they come first. Parents at war with each other are not acting in their kids best interests we believe that children are blessings not weapons.

I can kind of understand why women would be put off or threatened by that but having been at war with the children used as weapons by my ex-wife before this is by far the better way for us as parents to conduct ourselves.

So I'm looking for advice because honesty doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere. I've pasted my profile below and cannot stress enough that I'm not looking for a hook up here which is why I've left out the name of the site I'm on.

Feel free to edit or comment. I am looking for constructive criticism and advice not petty childish insults and abuse which seems to be the way the internet is, present company accepted. Hopefully I'm not committing romantic suicide here.

Well here goes:
*Welcome to the most honest profile you'll ever read!

I prefer messages to likes but if we have a mutual like I'll message you.

So here goes me....
I am sociable outgoing man with many varied interests who values honesty, loyalty, passion, affection and intelligence in a woman.

If you like Chas n Dave and you want to be my London Girl read on.

I'm self employed as a Decorator/ Builder. Theatre as opposed to cinema mostly, I like music, (Blues, Jazz, Rock, Metal & Classical) , dancing, food, cooking, pubs, beer, gigs, books, vintage writing instruments (fountain pens), writing, wine, cycling, museums, galleries, camping, and deep sea fishing. I also like to sing at open mic nights and occasionally Karaoke.

I'm looking for a lady who is affectionate, broadminded, passionate/ adventurous, submissive but my equal too, warmhearted, into country walks, nature plus days by the Seaside as well as all of the above who doesn't mind letting her man take the lead. A woman who considers reading together to be a romantic activity because reading is really important. Gsoh+++

A supportive sexually compatible lover and long term or life partner who is not only good for my heart but also for my soul but in the meantime let's have some fun whilst we find out if we're compatible.

Also you must like children because mine will always come first for me as yours should for you.

I plan to go travelling around Europe next year. Maybe we could both go together.

You won't change me so don't try to just love me for who I am and I'll evolve at my own pace with you.

I like dogs and dogs like me but don't have one only because I have a weird sick reflex to * from childhood, many boots have been thrown out.
I have had cats before though and would happily have one again cats are cool.

I like Marmite, Steak, Italian, Thai, Chinese, Indian, Mexican and Nando's. I'm also thinking of becoming a vegetarian except for the fish of course.

Our first meeting will be for drinks somewhere along the river it runs right through London so it's convenient for everyone. The first date will be different, a bit more off the wall, more interesting.

I'd also like to date a woman who has her own eyebrows if possible not someone who shaves them all off only to draw them back on again. I don't get it I never will.
Also those cheap tacky big hoop earrings are a massive turnoff for me.

Finally I am totally non PC and not permanently offended .*

OP posts:
GooseFartingInTheFog · 06/09/2018 23:59

Agree that it sounds like shopping list, is very controlling and demanding. I don’t think I’d have got passed the first few paragraphs before giving it a thumbs down - sorry!

IdahoJones · 07/09/2018 00:00

If you have children with both an ExW and an ExP I would make that clear. I think the rest, though, speaks for itself.

Frazzledkate · 07/09/2018 00:01

Ahahaha! This reminded me of Adrian mole for some reason!!!

inquiquotiokixul · 07/09/2018 00:02

Omg you sound absolutely awful. I think you should leave your profile exactly like that and not change a word of it, so that any sane woman sees all the red flags and runs a mile.

You are not ready to date yet honestly. You need to take a good long look at yourself and work out why any self-respecting woman doesn't want to be in a relationship with you.

As you have no intention of ever changing your options are (a) meaningless hookups which only last until she finds out what you are like (b) longer term relationships with women who have no self-esteemed having been crippled by previous emotional abuse or (c) celibacy.

Stick to (c) if possible. (a) if you can't manage that. If you go for (b) we will be here for her to help her escape.

Frazzledkate · 07/09/2018 00:02

If you're for real, bless your cottons, cause there's a nice guy there I think! I agree with pp, you need help to cut out the crappy bits and make it shorter

Zoomzoomzoomzoom0 · 07/09/2018 00:03

Is the whole "submissive" "letting her man take the lead..." Is that all code for some kind of S&M fetish stuff?
Regardless, even without that bit, it does not come across well.
But seriously..... Submissive???!?
Is it a special interest dating website?

usernamefromhell · 07/09/2018 00:03

It would be a no from me:

  • Far, far too much information. It reads like your life story and is too prescriptive. None of this actually matters to a prospective partner. Are you really saying you couldn't love a woman who doesn't like country walks?
  • "submissive" is a huge red flag. A man who wants a woman to self-describe as submissive comes across as a controlling dick. And you can't both be submissive and be an equal.
  • My children come first as yours should you. Patronising and self-evident.
  • Jokey tone is offputting and naff
  • "Don't try to change me" comes across as you are totally set in your ways
  • Totally un PC: I get what you are saying but this comes across as a warning that you are going to make lots of sexist/racist jokes and she has to like or lump it
  • Basically the whole thing sounds like you're trying way too hard to impress her on paper. It needs to be cut down by about 3/4 in length and you need to chill out about the whole thing.
FaFoutis · 07/09/2018 00:05

It doesn't sound completely awful - there are fountain pens and museums.

PolkaDoting · 07/09/2018 00:05

It’s comically bad!

I read the first sentence Welcome to the most honest profile you'll ever read and thought ‘arrogant’ and then it just gets worse!

LoisWilkerson1 · 07/09/2018 00:05
Grin
Zoomzoomzoomzoom0 · 07/09/2018 00:06

Oh and a man who puts his children first is not "threatening" to women. You do actually sound threatening..... But not because of that.

gimeallthecake · 07/09/2018 00:08

Submissive?!?! 🤭 Dude don't even go there! No wonder you're not getting laid! 🤦🏼‍♀️

I would suggest a good honest look at yourself and your values as your dating profile comes across as very very contrived, judgemental, egocentric & sexist. I'm sure you have a lot of lovely traits to offer. Let your personality shine through and don't write a shopping list for the 'perfect' partner.

PolkaDoting · 07/09/2018 00:09

I'm not looking for a hook up here

I don’t think you’re getting one mate Grin

fiercelikefrida · 07/09/2018 00:10

This must be a joke

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/09/2018 00:10

I'm looking for a lady who is affectionate, broadminded, passionate/ adventurous, submissive but my equal too = I want to tie someone up in my basement.

And you come across very 'you can't change me but I have a massive list for you'. Any woman with self-respect wouldn't reply. Unless they want tied up in a basement. And there are better sites for that.

PolkaDoting · 07/09/2018 00:12

Thing is, lots of women like to be sub,issive in bed, yet somehow unless it’s in a BDSM specific site, it looks really, really creepy for a man to specify submissive. Just so you know.

GooseFartingInTheFog · 07/09/2018 00:15

@PolkaDoting

I'm not looking for a hook up here
I don’t think you’re getting one mate grin

Grin
My thoughts exactly

findingmywaytoday · 07/09/2018 00:16

This has to be a complete wind up.

SlowlyShrinking · 07/09/2018 00:18

I’m sure you’re not a self-obsessed wanker, so why write your profile to make yourself sound like one? Confused

PintOfMineralWater · 07/09/2018 00:20

It just reads as aggressive and mean, with all the stuff about eyebrows and tacky earrings. And I did a hard eyeroll at the "You won't change me so don't try to just love me for who I am and I'll evolve at my own pace with you."

You sound like one of the brooding men I used to like when I was at uni. Until I grew up.

I actually think he should leave it as it is. Will be a warning to all women.

VanGoghsDog · 07/09/2018 00:24

Well, you sound entirely humourless and unappealimg, and a bit up yourself.

Too many demands, too inflexible (don't tell people where the first date will be), comes across quite controlling. No need to mention your kids at all. I don't understand the dog comment, it's unnecessary anyway, just remove it.

I'd not have read past the first two lines to be honest.

Anastassiabeaverhausen · 07/09/2018 00:31

😂😂😂*
*
Welcome to the most honest profile you'll ever read! = I'm about to offend you. *

I prefer messages to likes but if we have a mutual like I'll message you.

So here goes me....
I am sociable outgoing man with many varied interests who values honesty, loyalty, passion, affection and intelligence in a woman.

If you like Chas n Dave and you want to be my London Girl read on.

I'm self employed as a Decorator/ Builder. Theatre as opposed to cinema mostly, I like music, (Blues, Jazz, Rock, Metal & Classical) , dancing, food, cooking, pubs, beer, gigs, books, vintage writing instruments (fountain pens), writing, wine, cycling, museums, galleries, camping, and deep sea fishing. I also like to sing at open mic nights and occasionally Karaoke.

I'm looking for a lady who is affectionate, broadminded, passionate/ adventurous, submissive but my equal too, warmhearted, into country walks, nature plus days by the Seaside as well as all of the above who doesn't mind letting her man take the lead. A woman who considers reading together to be a romantic activity because reading is really important. Gsoh+++ = I'm controlling.

A supportive sexually compatible lover and long term or life partner who is not only good for my heart but also for my soul but in the meantime let's have some fun whilst we find out if we're compatible. = I'll sleep with you and then critique you later.

Also you must like children because mine will always come first for me as yours should for you. = I think I'm doing something unusual for being a good dad and will critique your parenting.

I plan to go travelling around Europe next year. Maybe we could both go together.

You won't change me so don't try to just love me for who I am and I'll evolve at my own pace with you. = Im inflexible and difficult. You'll never win.

I like dogs and dogs like me but don't have one only because I have a weird sick reflex to from childhood, many boots have been thrown out.
I have had cats before though and would happily have one again cats are cool.= I'm weird.

I like Marmite, Steak, Italian, Thai, Chinese, Indian, Mexican and Nando's. I'm also thinking of becoming a vegetarian except for the fish of course. = I'm narrow minded

Our first meeting will be for drinks somewhere along the river it runs right through London so it's convenient for everyone. The first date will be different, a bit more off the wall, more interesting. = you'll have no choice in our relationship ever and I'll dictate terms. If I say Nando's, it's Nando's.

I'd also like to date a woman who has her own eyebrows if possible not someone who shaves them all off only to draw them back on again. I don't get it I never will.
Also those cheap tacky big hoop earrings are a massive turnoff for me. = this is the part where I offend you. I will insult you regularly.

Finally I am totally non PC and not permanently offended .** = once again I like to offend and will tell you regularly 'to take a joke'.

JustGiveMeTwoMinutes · 07/09/2018 00:32

I think you have a completely unrealistic view of relationships and dating. You seem to think online dating is some sort of catalogue where you state your requirements and choose a woman who meets them. Do you realise women are people and loving, intimate relationships work best when you listen and share?

Notamorningperson84 · 07/09/2018 00:32

Mumsnet, can we have a red flag emoji please?

Maverick66 · 07/09/2018 00:38

Absolute NO!
Sounds like a selfish plonker.
I read it as follows:

These are my ground rules and you must adapt and fit around them as you are so lucky to be dating such a fine catch as myself Hmm