Constructive critique of a man's dating profile please.

[LondonDecorator]

If it helps I'm 43.
I've been told by my ex-partner (we're still friends) to find out what women would like to see in a dating profile. We've been separated for two years but are very communicative and co-operative for the children because we both think they come first. Parents at war with each other are not acting in their kids best interests we believe that children are blessings not weapons.

I can kind of understand why women would be put off or threatened by that but having been at war with the children used as weapons by my ex-wife before this is by far the better way for us as parents to conduct ourselves.

So I'm looking for advice because honesty doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere. I've pasted my profile below and cannot stress enough that I'm not looking for a hook up here which is why I've left out the name of the site I'm on.

Feel free to edit or comment. I am looking for constructive criticism and advice not petty childish insults and abuse which seems to be the way the internet is, present company accepted. Hopefully I'm not committing romantic suicide here.

Well here goes:
*Welcome to the most honest profile you'll ever read!

I prefer messages to likes but if we have a mutual like I'll message you.

So here goes me....
I am sociable outgoing man with many varied interests who values honesty, loyalty, passion, affection and intelligence in a woman.

If you like Chas n Dave and you want to be my London Girl read on.

I'm self employed as a Decorator/ Builder. Theatre as opposed to cinema mostly, I like music, (Blues, Jazz, Rock, Metal & Classical) , dancing, food, cooking, pubs, beer, gigs, books, vintage writing instruments (fountain pens), writing, wine, cycling, museums, galleries, camping, and deep sea fishing. I also like to sing at open mic nights and occasionally Karaoke.

I'm looking for a lady who is affectionate, broadminded, passionate/ adventurous, submissive but my equal too, warmhearted, into country walks, nature plus days by the Seaside as well as all of the above who doesn't mind letting her man take the lead. A woman who considers reading together to be a romantic activity because reading is really important. Gsoh+++

A supportive sexually compatible lover and long term or life partner who is not only good for my heart but also for my soul but in the meantime let's have some fun whilst we find out if we're compatible.

Also you must like children because mine will always come first for me as yours should for you.

I plan to go travelling around Europe next year. Maybe we could both go together.

You won't change me so don't try to just love me for who I am and I'll evolve at my own pace with you.

I like dogs and dogs like me but don't have one only because I have a weird sick reflex to * from childhood, many boots have been thrown out.
I have had cats before though and would happily have one again cats are cool.

I like Marmite, Steak, Italian, Thai, Chinese, Indian, Mexican and Nando's. I'm also thinking of becoming a vegetarian except for the fish of course.

Our first meeting will be for drinks somewhere along the river it runs right through London so it's convenient for everyone. The first date will be different, a bit more off the wall, more interesting.

I'd also like to date a woman who has her own eyebrows if possible not someone who shaves them all off only to draw them back on again. I don't get it I never will.
Also those cheap tacky big hoop earrings are a massive turnoff for me.

Finally I am totally non PC and not permanently offended .*

Different folks different strokes, this profile will appeal to some women. If this is the real you then all good, you should attract a woman on same wavelength as you. Presumably anyone who doesn't like what you've said and how you sound will avoid. But I don't think this is a profile that will turn off every woman on site.

Will appeal to who ??

If u can read it correctly it sounds like two different people and not one that lives in London as their profile would suggest !

I just think creepy ! Is it Halloween early ?

@Anastassiabeaverhausen

Its an awful profile. I would never respond to it. NEVER.

It appears to be a mix of what you think women would like to read and what you want and the two are contradictory. I would think you were someone to run from.

It is condescending - e.g. reading is important? Really? Are you talking to a child?
My children come first so should yours? Is this your way of telling someone you have kids and saying you are happy dating a women with kids? Why are you telling somebody you don't know anything about how she should feel about her children? You have absolutely no idea what the reader's background is?
Submissive - this is the biggest turn off. You sound dangerous.
Sexually compatible - is it a fcuk buddy site?
Why are you informing her where the date will be? Is this a test of her 'submissiveness'?
First date will be off the wall? A hundred alarm bells went off in my head at the idea of a FIRST date being off the wall. Also I believe that anyone who thinks they are 'off the wall' are usually just irritating people who are not in the least 'off the wall'.
I'm thinking of becoming a vegetarian and eat fish - is this an attempt at your GSOH?
The cats and dogs thing is just really unnecessary and childlike.
You won't change me/I'll evolve at my own pace? I would think you are not relationship material. At all.

@ana18

I like what I like.

you won’t change me

So why are you on here asking for advice? I would leave it exactly as it is. I wouldn’t contact you but someone might and your profile should be a true representation of yourself. No point portraying a profile just to get interest when they will find out what you’re actually like quite quickly......if indeed this isn’t all a big wind up.

@lizzie1970a Is 'broadminded' a euphemism for 'I like to flirt and cheat with other women but I'm expecting you to put up with it'?

I thought that meant "I expect you to be OK with taking it up the arse and any other sex acts that I fancy trying out from the porn vids I watch"

Mum1g2b is right. Leave it as it is. At least you won't waste anyone's time by pretending to be someone you are not, only for them to find out what you are actually like.

I thought that meant "I expect you to be OK with taking it up the arse and any other sex acts that I fancy trying out from the porn vids I watch"

Plus the 'submissive' thing, it reads that way.

This has to be a wind up???

You sound lovely OP. I wish I could date you.

Your profile is clearly an honest reflection of you as a person. If you want to attract the right partner for you, I’d leave your profile exactly as it is. That way, you will make sure you get the parter you deserve.

In my opinion you only need to alter one aspect of this profile - the words.

🤭

Just read it again and it's literally a shopping list of your wants. There is no mention of what you have to offer a potential partner. Why not ask your ex how she would describe you?

@CrossFlannelCherry
Change the words
Too Funny 😂

If this is for real

Then I'd seriously delete it all

I would already be put off by a man who has had two relationships which have produced children and he wasn’t able to make either of them work! Once ok, but twice suggests issues before we even get to the profile!

I also would never date someone with kids for the exact reason you state. Been burnt on that one before. But the way you feel the need to spell it out like that I think would also put the women off who wouldn’t mind you having kids. Your kids should be important to you but that doesn’t mean any partner cannot also be a priority. You make it sound like they can’t and will always come last. That’s not attractive or appealing.

The sexual references read to me like you want a woman who’s a (submissive) porn star in bed. I’m put off by anyone who mentions sex in their profile. If you’re not looking for a hook up, sex is something that should evolve over time.

As for the “don’t try and change me”. For me that’s the worst line. Most women don’t want to change men! They’re not looking for a project! They hope that the man will be a decent and caring partner on his own without them having to force it! Add that to the fact that you’ve split from two women that have had your children, it makes it sound like you did nothing to try and make your prior relationships work. Therefore you will do nothing in a future relationship. The woman has to “take you as you are” or bugger off!

Overall you sound too much like hard work and I can see nothing positive that you would bring to my life, so I wouldn’t respond to you. If your post is genuine I would take on board the helpful suggestions pp’s have made.

Please leave the profile as it is & make sure you include a photo.

There are loads of profiles like this online, some go further and berate women for not replying etc. They're great because you can give them an immediate swerve.

@inquiquotiokixul I also assume "broadminded" is a euphemism for being prepared to take it up the arse.

Oh and as others have said "don't try to change me" means "I'm a selfish inconsiderate wanker who won't do any housework"

I HATE it.
Sounds like every guardian soulmates ad I've ever read. Narcissistic and trying too hard to be clever and liberal
You sound really horrible in so many ways.
I even hate your opening line on here 'my ex has told me to' and all the stuff about your ex, who cares?
Also, the most honest profile intro?
Just crap and over inflated. Your ego is huge and I feel for all your exes who tried to change you. I bet there's a loaf of women in your past left deeply hurt and confused.
If you love your kids so much, how and why are you going travelling around Europe? You sound completely selfish and why are you pretending to look for a long-term relationship if you're going travelling anyway?
Personally I agree with pretty much all the feedback on here and please:
Leave it exactly as it is, at least that way there's not too many nasty suprpises in store.
To (mid)quote Mr T 'i pity the fool who dates you're.

*load of women
**Mis quote

Oyf. Hth.

Any London MNers having builders/decorators in today are going to be wondering.
And looking for clues.

Change all the words, and when you have new ones, punctuate them better.

Oh, and if your ex-partner did help you to write this, (a) she’s got a sense of humour and (b) things are not as friendly between you as you imagine.

I'd also like to date a woman who has her own eyebrows if possible not someone who shaves them all off only to draw them back on again.

I wasn't aware this was common practice amongst women. Speaking as a woman of course.