Constructive critique of a man's dating profile please.

[LondonDecorator]

If it helps I'm 43.
I've been told by my ex-partner (we're still friends) to find out what women would like to see in a dating profile. We've been separated for two years but are very communicative and co-operative for the children because we both think they come first. Parents at war with each other are not acting in their kids best interests we believe that children are blessings not weapons.

I can kind of understand why women would be put off or threatened by that but having been at war with the children used as weapons by my ex-wife before this is by far the better way for us as parents to conduct ourselves.

So I'm looking for advice because honesty doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere. I've pasted my profile below and cannot stress enough that I'm not looking for a hook up here which is why I've left out the name of the site I'm on.

Feel free to edit or comment. I am looking for constructive criticism and advice not petty childish insults and abuse which seems to be the way the internet is, present company accepted. Hopefully I'm not committing romantic suicide here.

Well here goes:
*Welcome to the most honest profile you'll ever read!

I prefer messages to likes but if we have a mutual like I'll message you.

So here goes me....
I am sociable outgoing man with many varied interests who values honesty, loyalty, passion, affection and intelligence in a woman.

If you like Chas n Dave and you want to be my London Girl read on.

I'm self employed as a Decorator/ Builder. Theatre as opposed to cinema mostly, I like music, (Blues, Jazz, Rock, Metal & Classical) , dancing, food, cooking, pubs, beer, gigs, books, vintage writing instruments (fountain pens), writing, wine, cycling, museums, galleries, camping, and deep sea fishing. I also like to sing at open mic nights and occasionally Karaoke.

I'm looking for a lady who is affectionate, broadminded, passionate/ adventurous, submissive but my equal too, warmhearted, into country walks, nature plus days by the Seaside as well as all of the above who doesn't mind letting her man take the lead. A woman who considers reading together to be a romantic activity because reading is really important. Gsoh+++

A supportive sexually compatible lover and long term or life partner who is not only good for my heart but also for my soul but in the meantime let's have some fun whilst we find out if we're compatible.

Also you must like children because mine will always come first for me as yours should for you.

I plan to go travelling around Europe next year. Maybe we could both go together.

You won't change me so don't try to just love me for who I am and I'll evolve at my own pace with you.

I like dogs and dogs like me but don't have one only because I have a weird sick reflex to * from childhood, many boots have been thrown out.
I have had cats before though and would happily have one again cats are cool.

I like Marmite, Steak, Italian, Thai, Chinese, Indian, Mexican and Nando's. I'm also thinking of becoming a vegetarian except for the fish of course.

Our first meeting will be for drinks somewhere along the river it runs right through London so it's convenient for everyone. The first date will be different, a bit more off the wall, more interesting.

I'd also like to date a woman who has her own eyebrows if possible not someone who shaves them all off only to draw them back on again. I don't get it I never will.
Also those cheap tacky big hoop earrings are a massive turnoff for me.

Finally I am totally non PC and not permanently offended .*

Mumsnet, can we have a red flag emoji please?

YES!!!!

To you think this person has read that other thread about what people always write on their online dating profiles but that turns them off and has created a kind of caricature based on everything listed on there? That's what it reads like to me, anyway!

This is the funniest thread I've read for ages. Now, ladies, we're being naughty, we were clearly told not to be insulting. And we must do as we are told.

And anyway, he's only actually trying to find the four women who like Chas and Dave (saw them live once, they were quite good, but I'm ruling myself out, so he's looking for one of three women in fact).

Wow he sounds so full of himself

Ick.

Just start over, it’s all terrible. Write it as though you are trying to woo your soulmate, rather than a checklist to filter out those you deem unworthy. Or, if this is actually representive of your character, do womankind a favour and leave it as it is

Oh dear.

Unless it's a specialist BDSM kind of place, the 'submissive' is a right old turn off, also don't like the use of the word 'broadminded' , it implies you possibly want some odd things sexually. It all smacks a bit of studied at the 'university of life' and aren't I a cheeky chappie, whereas you actually sound pretty intelligent and may be doing yourself a bit of a disservice.

The thing is intelligent women will just think 'er no'. And that's what you say you are after. I would cut the shopping list and maybe say what books and films and music you enjoy and say 'my idea of a good day out would be 'xxxxxx'.

Grim.

I liked it until submissive and it went steadily downhill from there. Why are you saying where the date is going to be ffs

That is just so bad its hilarious! From the Chas and Dave reference, to the submissive thing, to the self righteous 'reading is important' Has to be a wind up surely?

Oh and I'm thanks all the gods I don't have to go near OLD if this is the calibre!

He never came back??!!!

It's 'present company excepted', not 'present company accepted'.

The punctuation is bad.

It's too try hard.

The word submissive jumped out at me and put me off.

'Our first meeting will be...' - I like being asked what I'd like to do. I think you think we're all little woman who want all decisions taken out of our hands; I think you'll find women want consulting on things. Note: we have personalities too and interests and wants of our own that we'd like to be taken into consideration.

On the whole I find the tone very off-putting and your personality isn't likeable. I think you think you're a great guy but I you come over as controlling and unlikable.

Is 'broadminded' a euphemism for 'I like to flirt and cheat with other women but I'm expecting you to put up with it'?

I think it's -almost- perfect. The only thing that's missing is where you say you want a woman between the ages of 18-30.

I would definitely date you ❤

I stopped reading at your request for a submissive woman.

I overlooked the cliche "this is the most honest thing ever honestly" nonsense but I did roll my eyes

Welcome to the most honest profile you'll ever read!

I prefer messages to likes but if we have a mutual like I'll message you.

So here goes me....
I am sociable outgoing man with many varied interests who values honesty, loyalty, passion, affection and intelligence in a woman.

If you like Chas n Dave and you want to be my London Girl read on.

I'm self employed as a Decorator/ Builder. Theatre as opposed to cinema mostly, I like music, (Blues, Jazz, Rock, Metal & Classical), dancing, food, cooking, pubs, beer, gigs, books, vintage writing instruments (fountain pens), writing, wine, cycling, museums, galleries, camping, and deep sea fishing. I also like to sing at open mic nights and occasionally Karaoke.

I'm looking for a lady who is affectionate, broadminded, passionate/ adventurous, submissive but my equal too, warmhearted, into country walks, nature plus days by the Seaside as well as all of the above who doesn't mind letting her man take the lead. ^and^ a woman who considers reading together to be a romantic activity because reading is really important. Gsoh +++

A supportive sexually compatible lover and long term or life partner who is not only good for my heart but also for my soul but in the meantime let's have some fun whilst we find out if we're compatible.

Also you must like children because mine ^are my world ^ will always come first for me as yours should for you.

I plan to go travelling around Europe next year - maybe we could both go together.

You won't change me so don't try to just love me for who I am and I'll evolve at my own pace with you.
(I'm confused why you're saying don't try to just love you)

I like dogs and dogs like me but don't have one only because I have a weird sick reflex to * from childhood, many boots have been thrown out.
I have had cats before though and would happily have one again cats are cool.

I like Marmite, Steak, Italian, Thai, Chinese, Indian, Mexican and Nando's. I'm also thinking of becoming a vegetarian except for the fish of course.

Our first meeting will ^could ^ be for drinks somewhere along the river it runs right through London so it's convenient for everyone. The first date will be different, a bit more off the wall, more interesting.

--I'd also like to date a woman who has her own eyebrows if possible not someone who shaves them all off only to draw them back on again. I don't get it I never will.
Also those cheap tacky big hoop earrings are a massive turnoff for me.--

Finally I am totally non PC and not permanently offended .

I'd also like to date a woman who has her own eyebrows if possible not someone who shaves them all off only to draw them back on again. I don't get it I never will.
Also those cheap tacky big hoop earrings are a massive turnoff for me.

@VanGoghsDog I like Chas and Dave and it's a no from me so he's down to two...

I would love to hear from his ex why she has sent him here for feedback. I assume she is a MNer and knew this would happen without her having to do it (except under a name change obviously )

Too much, too cheesy weird infact

OP, I know you said you weren't interested in hooking up. Would you make an exception for me though if I ask nicely and submissively? You can lock me in a basement and force me to listen to Chas n Dave whilst I scribble furiously with a fountain pen/vintage writing instrument.

It's terrible doesn't make sense to read confusing messages throughout
Start again
Delete every word

Not understanding all the negativity here. I’d probably enjoy dating you since I see much in common. A fun and playful sense of humor is a must for me, so you’d have to have that.

The right gal would respond well to your profile. Unfortunately many men on dating sites aren’t that great, so women might be hesitant to give you a chance.

@Booksareforkids19

Very funny