Dating Thread 139: clowns swiping left to me, jokers to the right...

[Pringlecat]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

I do, and whenever I haven't I have regretted it

I've exchanged a few messages with someone on POF. He asked what I was doing at the weekend so I told him about something I was taking part in. And he seemed to know quite a bit about it so I asked if he was involved as well.

He replied that no he wasn't but had thought about it before. So I suggested he tried it and said I had only started taking part this year.
His reply was "well done".

To me that's a little patronising. But I just wondered what others think. And I'm not sure how to reply to that. Just change the subject?

And another question for Friday evening. On POF there's the option "allow users to see I've viewed their profile" .
Do you choose yes or no? I choose no because there are too many entitled men on there who think that if you view their profile, you owe them a conversation.

So I came across a profile that said " if you answered no to this then don't bother contacting me". So guess what I did
I was polite, asked why and explained my reasons for choosing no. Funnily enough I didn't get a reply.

But I can't think of a good reason why this should be so important.

If someone says well done then I'd probably just leave it there. Silence is sometimes the only good response

changeoflife YUCK!!! Why are so many people so entitled?!
England is full of guys like him, the gammons and self made men, always got the nice car and misogynistic , don't look after themselves but expect proper slim blonde immaculate women. Mostly get them too, god knows why!

Saying " well done " is patronising ??? What did you expect ? People esp guys sometimes just don't text the way we want them too ...maybe he had discussed it and thought time to move on to something else ?

Yeah he may not have meant it that way runs. I think you have to give him the benefit of the doubt so early on! If he didn't try and you did, he probably is impressed!

MrMusic pulled out - so I sent him a message telling him not to bother with me and wishing him well . And that is that.

I'm annoyed as have a child free weekend and nothing set up other than with MrLBG (fwb) late Sunday. Seeing MrNorth1 for coffee today but that is my horrendously slow burner!

No irons though a few ridiculous chats with younger men on bumble!

I've swiped right on a few on Tinder and Bumble. Not sure how much I'm liking Bumble with having to message first within 24 hours. I think it's showing how old fashioned I actually am as I prefer when the men message you first. Trying to change this mindset but I find Tinder better. I'm avoiding pof. Nothing good has ever come of it for me!!

Interesting development: Mr nice guy responded to my playful questioning about the 'mad' woman, an amusing abrupt change in his tone upon some gentle challenging 😉
He that they 'were having a lovely time then she changed her mind and went a bit weird afterwards'
Then went on to talk about her 'unresolved' issues. I gave a mild lecture about how we all have unresolved issues whether we like it or not, Obviously I didn't lecture, just threw it in amongst other stuff (he describes himself as being eternally optimistic, glass half full 'grateful to have a glass' kind of guy) and unsurprisingly our very regular messages stopped dead!
Ah well, had two lovely dates the last two nights, both guys v keen, one almost too keen, he seems more like someone I'd be drinking buddies with, date two is absolutely lovely, gentle and clever, widowed, which is a v new experience for me...
Another date planned with a new one on Sunday, superfit, seems fun and clever, I do like clever guys and another one upcoming with guy number 4 who is HOT , new Zealand rugby player, also widowed , must be our age. He's definitely on my wavelength in terms of equal measures of silliness and deep conversation, v easy to talk to. Great to have a few irons in at last.
I still have big feelings for my long distance fwb but I know it's pointless and he's actively dating too.

Found you again. Nothing to report other than deleted match. Okcupid full of gross bald weirdos it seems so rarely check it. Left with bumble. Get lots of matches but not many replies. Is it me? Is it just shit in your mid forties in some areas?

I had 2 dates with same guy in the summer and nothing since, well apart from when I arranged a date with a guy who cancelled to play golf. None of it is making me feel good at the moment.

Mumteedum I'm mid forties and Live in a smallish place , I think it's very hard to find decent men our age. I have attracted much older grandad types and much much younger boys. I seem to be on a good roll at the moment, have gone to pof. Loads of saddoes but also a few nice ones (so it takes a LOT of sifting) but there's high numbers on there.
I tried match, bumble, ok Cupid, I cancelled a date with someone lovely from OkCupid a while back when having a hard time and cameoff all the sites, sometimes wish I had met him but hey ho forward march!
Good luck x

Thanks dragon ..might have to try pof. May have muster energy first!

You all seem to be having far more luck than I am... some matches, but few I actually want to chat with. Those I do tend to want to chat about sex! My last “date” ghosted me after making the arrangements. However I am 55... my pickings are slim!

Mumteedum energy is crucial, hope it comes good.
Thisisnotwhatiwant so annoying when they get sexual. If course I want it, I'm gagging for it! But I'd quite like a preamble, scintillating conversation, common ground, mutual attraction!!!
Chatting to a guy I see regularly (works in my local foodhall) has got a bit too flirty too soon and now I have to extricate myself from the conversation but still deal with seeing him on semi daily basis !

Bumble question - why one earth do guys swipe right and not reply to messages?? Very frustrating.

Soulmates - absolute dearth of guys and very poor turnover. Looking forward to my subscription ending.

It’s not the sex... if we ever get as far as meeting and I fancy them. But, like you, I would at least like some chat and gentle flirting first. And to meet them. I really can’t tell if I’m going to fancy someone just from a photo, and i think a lot of these guys don’t actually want to meet. Just need someone who’ll fuel the fantasy for their wank!

@Milomonster this has happened to me, the only reasoning I came to was that maybe men just swipe on everyone, then actually check details when you swipe on them and contact them. Or maybe an ego boost for many. Sigh. This is why many are single. My friend took a look at Bumble recently and said she saw lots of the same faces from a year ago!

Thanks for your opinions on the "Well done" comment I got. I decided that he meant well (although it would've been better if he'd followed up with something else). But I've carried on chatting with him. He seems nice enough but not really for me. Might be worth meeting him just to find out.

Milomonster I read that men swipe right on about 80% but women only about 15%. Men do it for the ego boost. Just to show how many matches they have, even if they have no intention of chatting with them. They also do it because women are more choosy, so the men just match with anyone then choose them there.

Eesha I have a feeling that OLD is just permanently inhabited by the same people, all of the time. We're all just looking at the same faces again and again. And rejected each other again and again. Until eventually someone new joins us or two people manage to find each other and leave.

Thisisnotwhatiwant the sex talk annoys me as well. Especially when they make a big show of looking for a relationship then as soon as you show a bit of interest, they want to know your sexual preferences etc. I thought men our age would be more mature about it but I think they're worse than the younger ones.

I'm continuing to see Mr BTO. He's very lovely but possibly the eternal batchelor with a very full and content life and zero long term relationship history (there is a good medical reason for this though + 20 plus years of being peripatetic for work) . He doesn't really ever chat by text when we're not together and I think hell would freeze over before he paid me a complement (altho they come in a roundabout way) he just doesn't really notice clothes and stuff.... Every date is lovely and amazing though
I'm enjoying for now, trying not to over invest and fearing heartbreak all at once. Spent last night with him, seeing him on Mon then he's away for 1.5 weeks. Keeping a vague eye on dating sites incase Mr BTO vanishes.

So MrNotReadyYet and I met up for the night last night and had an awesome time out together drinks, clubbing & debauchery.

This is pretty much a thing now, we are both nuts about each other.....& Been seeing each other for a couple of months. Distance isn't getting in the way at the moment - he lives almost 70miles from me but we are making it work.

We both have kids, jobs & busy lives so even though we can't meet up a lot in the week we make up for it when we get together.

The taking things slowly thing has been working well the last few weeks so we'll just continue with things the way they are.

Feeling happy & content and like this could actually go somewhere 😍

@vixensixen positive updates like yours keep me going! Hope it all works out for you.

I've turned down a date tonight - he had no passion for anything and there's only so many times you can have the "what do you want to do" "I don't know, what do you want to do" "let's do something you feel excited about" "anything so long as it's with you" conversation. Back to the drawing board, sigh.

Hi I’m back as im just not sure if I have cold feet or whether I am swimming in a sea of red flags with Mr Anxious

He is obviously an anxious person and on more than one occasion he has made a comment like ‘I didn’t hear from you for a while and I began to worry’ and when I want to end a phone conversation, a ‘jokey comment’ (poss passive aggressive) about how I am rejecting him

He also worries people don’t like him a lot. And says ‘I don’t want to be needy’ about things, which just makes me think OH GOD but maybe you are being needy and I’ve found myself having to give reassurances. It especially brings home the fact that I am so far away from needy that I am almost devoid of any requirements of a man

He’s already decided I am the best thing since sliced bread, which is lovely and I have a track record for suddenly losing interest and talking myself out of things.

I just have hit a funny patch

Had date with MrNiceGuy, wasn't really that attracted but actually had a fun night. Think he was shy and turned out his long term ex was someone I used to work with. However he must have drunk about 6pints, told me his dad was an alcoholic, and given my ex is an alcoholic, this was a bit red flag. He asked me back to his but I think just for company rather than anything more. As i dont get out much, I said yay but he fell asleep before anything could actually happen so I left their quite sexually frustrated. He did say drunkenly that he didn't want to take advantage of my single mum situation and didn't want to rush things but I really think he feels lonely and just wanted someone to cuddle and wake up with. It made me question myself a bit, why am I so keen to get a bit physical with someone I don't really see as long term, but I think I'm lonely too.....not sure what I'm looking for really....i sent a quick text to say thank you anyway even though he was very apologetic for being so tired. Will see how the day pans out.....

Just remembered I haven't caught up with this thread since Vet hopped on the plane! Any updates? Hope it worked out. I've skimmed through but can't find it

@pookie the need for reassurance is quite off putting isn't it, especially when you don't need that back. But also endearing that he's really into you. It might pan out OK, he might chill out as you two progress and things settle down. I get that it feels like pressure though.

@eesha, easy trap to fall into when you're feeling a bit lonely. I'm finding it a bit tougher being single now it's autumn, kind of want someone to have nights in with. There is also a plus one event coming up for me soon and I have no plus one. Would a tinder random do?!

I do have a few irons in the fire. Not enough to give them names yet!