Dating Thread 139: clowns swiping left to me, jokers to the right...

[Pringlecat]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

It's difficult to know how to end something in the least hurtful way when it's only been a short while though. Mr tight penpal has been messaging loads today, but I've decided I'm reality not interested in seeing him again. I haven't broken the news to him, because I'm not sure how! Wouldn't mind staying friendly with him but he keeps on making innuendos and I don't really know how to handle it 😳

@Eesha sorry, that sounds tough. Xx

@subspace yes I actually cried a bit, first time in months since my ex and I split up, but maybe the learning is to be a better judge of character and be more thick skinned

@subspace maybe just be honest, that you don't feel a connection but would like to stay friends. Looking back, that's essentially what I said but clearly this guy didn't take that well but at least you can say you were honest

Sorry Eesha . If you'd said 'thanks but no thanks' already though, the blocking is more likely him drawing a line under it than thinking you've done anything wrong so try not to take it to heart.

OLD can be fun and I've met some nice guys but you need the hide of a rhino at times xxx

I could do with some perspective. I went on a first date tonight with a man from Tinder, I knew he was a bit chunky, ten years older than me but he had a nice face and a good profile.
Met him in person and he was good company and interesting. No ex wife and no kids which is a bit of a worry for me when they’re over 40 as my last ex was the same and turned out to be a massive commitment-phobe.
Other things I didn’t like, he asked me if I’d like some feedback on my profile, I was non-committal, then he told me I didn’t photograph well and I was better looking in person.
He asked me if I’d heard of the Edinburgh Festival. I laughed at him. He seemed to take that quite well I suppose.
I don’t know if I’m over-thinking things, we had a nice time. He walked me to my car, we did some kissing, he was a bit more enthusiastic than me although completely respectful. We are a similar height when I’m in heels and I was slightly distracted by his erection pressing against my leg.
I’ve been single for a year and this is my second kiss. My first was last week. He wants to see me again, I think I want to see him again.
My choices have been so bad in the past I don’t actually trust myself to make a judgement.

@JasmineBuckles I think it's a bit strange about asking if you want feedback on your profile. Do you think maybe he sensed you weren't as into him initially? Maybe see him once again just to see if there is more spark from your side.

I have had a few good dates via Tinder and Happn over last few months. All were nice guys and where there wasn't a connection, quite happy to remain friendly. Also found one amazing FWB whom I see sporadically. Anyway, around 3 weeks ago I matched with a guy on Tinder. We then switched to WhatsApp and he seemed nice guy, good sense of humour and talked of mèeting up. I suggested we talk on the phone and then could arrange something. He said He would call me as very busy with his business. He never called but continued to message me on and off at weird times......My gut told me something was off. He only had 1 profile pic on Tinder, never shared any other pics and doesn't even have profile pic on WhatsApp. On Monday he messaged me to say let's meet up this coming weekend, I will call you. Again never called. This has been consistent pattern. I actually don't care if he wasn't that into me but why continue messaging etc....

So my conclusion is he is either: married, fake profile or flaky. Everyone else I have met has gone down the natural progression of match, message, phone and meet. I don't want to waste my time so messaged him saying let's not bother meeting as I don't feel comfortable and wish him all the best. He went nuts saying I was irrational crazy etc.

Do you think I was unreasonable? I didn't want to go for a date with someone who is unreliable and may not turn up or even take the risk that someone totally different turns up!

@Kitty2019 no, I think you did the right thing, I'm learning myself to watch for red flags rather than giving people the benefit of the doubt all the time. Saves loads of hassle later on. If he were a normal bloke, he would see how weird he was acting. I think he just wanted to continue the excitement with you despite having a most likely partner in the background!

Hi everyone. I don't really have time to swipe or date this week but I'm staying caught up with everything happening to you lot.

@eesha - bad luck. Sorry this knocked you for 6 - I can see how it would - but I am sure it isn't a reflection on you. It isn't necessarily aggressive to block someone - he didn't think how it would look for you. chin up, you're a catch!

@kitty - outrageous, to be so flaky and then kick off when you aren't into it. Outrageous, but not uncommon.

@Jasmine, if you aren't sure after kissing, honestly I would leave it. Either he's a lovely chap and you laughed constantly without fancying him - in which case why not stay in touch? - but it doesn't sound like it; or, there's some sexual energy there worth exploring - doesn't sound like that either. Unless you're being a little coy and actually loved the kissing (which isn't coming across) in which case, go for it!

Eesha sorry to hear what happened. I think he should've been honest. I think blocking someone is rude when you've done nothing wrong.

Kitty definitely not unreasonable. He's in the wrong, not you.

Jasmine you should think about whether you really enjoyed the date. Doesn't sound like it.

I'm enjoying the crazies on POF. One tells me he wants to make me his queen. Another says he feels positive vibes coming from me. Really??

@Jasmine like others have said...doesnt sound like you're particularly into this fella?

@kitty you were totally reasonable. Sod him

Here's a weird conundrum. I'm not really on the apps atm but my mate is on badoo. She was showing me fellas who'd messaged her...one of them I recognised the photo. It's a work pals fella. I knew the exact photo as she took it...its on her insta. There was one other pic also off her Insta. His name was different as you might expect. First thought was 'what a bastard' but now I'm thinking his photos being used to catfish? He's a pretty good looking man. If it were genuinely him why on earth would he use her photos of him on an app, where women who may know them would clearly see him?

eesha at least it happened early on :(. As someone else said you need a hide of a Rhino for this. I am being plagued by a guy I sent only 3 messages to. He has called me about 10 times. I am going to have to send him a message saying I am not interested as I don't want to ghost him but sometimes, it does feel easier just slipping away rather than saying anything (but as one of the rules says, treat as you'd like to be treated!).

Saw Mr Coast who admitted he had a problem (sex) and I also asked how his dating was going and he said he has stopped seeing anyone while we are seeing each other which made me feel a bit bad as I haven't.

Joined Match and have seen a few nice people but no-one has replied to my messages and I'm not particularly interested in anyone who has sent a message to me

have a whole child free weekend and other than Mr Music on Friday night (which I have to end as it's driving me insane, though I suspect we will shag first!), have nothing set up!

Thanks everyone for your pep talks, and yes, better early on. There were red flags like estrangement from family, separated not divorced, but I chose to ignore because he seemed nice. I think I just need to be thicker skinned and not overinvest too much emotionally. Unfortunately no irons in the fire, today someone matched me and looked normal but first response to my hello was purely sexual, sigh.....

I didn’t have a crap time, and the kissing was good. He reminded me of my ex quite a bit, same age, same job, same unusual route into said job, same sort of relationship history, same keenness very early on. Maybe that’s what’s putting me off.
I didn’t know most of this before we met, obviously.
He’s clearly a Nice Man, and I could imagine myself dtd with him. My ex was such a massive twat though, the similarities are putting me off.

@JasmineBuckles why not try a second date then, it was same for me when my date had huge similarities to my ex and maybe I was looking for a better version subconsciously. Give it a go if you really want to

What do people think of Tinder? is it for hookups only, I'm finding Pof just a bit mindless, lots of meets but few emails. Just wondering about other options....

Eesha I think it depends on your age. My younger friends - late 20's, early 30's - say it's mainly hook-ups. But older then it's mixed. Those looking for hook-ups are usually up front about it.

I've matched on Bumble with the most boring man on OLD. His replies were so uninspiring, I decided to have a bit of fun with the chat. I think I hear the click of an unmatch.

Me: Hi X, (comment about one of his photos)

Him: Hi, how are you?

Me: I was bored and hungry so I ate too much cake. Now I'm dancing round my living room trying to burn off the sugar. How are you?

Him: I'm ok

Me: Any exciting plans for the week?

Him: I'm working. What do you do?

Me: I'm a lion tamer.

@RunsforCake14 oh well, I'm 40 so maybe it might be an option, I have a few friends who met on there. So funny about your dull match, no one does witty anymore! I matched with someone witty today but turns out he is only down in London for work today, groan.....

Eesha no one seems to do witty! It's either tell me your sexual preferences or like a job interview - how long have you been single, how many kids, what are you looking for etc.

I haven't been unmatched yet. I really hope he replies to my lion tamer comment. Probably to say "that's interesting".

Try Tinder - my last relationship came from there. My friends have had some good short relationships from it.

I write a bit of a random quirky profile to try get rid of boring people 😂
It also attracts a lot of weirdos though so not fully advisable 🤔

I have date number 2 with Mr Kayak next Tuesday. I’m looking forward to it but also worried about over investing. When is it ok to lay the cards on the table about what I want? We have been pretty open so far and neither of us are looking for anything too serious (have both said we wouldn’t want to live with anyone). My issue is his children and his parenting views, I don’t really want anything serious enough for me to have to be involved with his children or him to be involved with mine. I usually only date men with no children or grown up children for this reason. If we were to end up in any type of relationship it would probably involve seeing each other once a week at the most. I’m worried that this wouldn’t be enough for either of us. I’m probably overthinking things way too much. Is it possible to have a relationship without kids being involved?

I’m also seeing Mr VW at the festival next week, he doesn’t really do it for me although he’s lovely he’s just not exciting.

I think I might end up looking for some new irons by the end of next week.

Pookie my profile is pretty random, it’s seems to have worked well in the past, I quite like weirdos (if they are my kind of weird).

Yeah the conversations can be really dry can't they. Like a list of questions - work, number of kids, what are you looking for, where do you live.
I much prefer a random chat and bit of a laugh. I get that some people are way better than in real life.
I'm bored of my one iron - Mr Funny - I had suggested meeting today but he's ill. I've told him its not really going anywhere - we've been messaging for nearly 2 weeks now and he hasn't suggested anything. Just feel a bit meh about the whole thing!

Just been looking at Tinder, lots of the same faces as other sites. Am I right in thinking the swiping is never ending unlike Bumble? I've had zilch matches!