Dating Thread 139: clowns swiping left to me, jokers to the right...

[Pringlecat]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

I'm bored of my irons too.

Joined Match and loads of new faces on there. Have found someone local, 10 years older which is fine - meeting him for a drink tomorrow :). Seems promising but you never bloody know.

Bloke1 (my other fwb who disappeared) has reappeared. We can't meet up as he is busy but we are chatting which is great. He's really interesting.

Seeing MrMusic Friday but he's already saying he needs to leave early doors Saturday. Need to end this as it's only about sex and he's not even really a friend. At least my fwb are lovely people. MrMusic gives mixed messages and is unreliable!

Hey I went back to old after a short break, been having a few different chats, one of the guys is the most interesting, lots to talk about, I asked him about his old experience to date and he said the same as most of us: a few first dates leading to nothing, some who look nothing like their
picture, and then this
' I was seeing a woman for a few weeks until she went a bit mad and changed her mind' ...
Does changing your mind quantify 'going a bit mad'? Is it a red flag: eg disrespectful, chauvinistic, not understanding/respecting someone's right to change their mind etc?
Should I ask more questions?
How without sounding obsessed? I'm not keen on the school of thought that classes women as mad when they speak their mind...
He seems quite 'right on' otherwise.
Although....
Does have the words 'nice guy' in his headline, is he protesting too much?
Any ideas and thoughts welcome!

@dragon....im suspicious of the nice guy headlines. Also the knight in shining armour shiz men put up. If you ever meet him you could do a gentle jibe of 'so when you say you met someone who went a bit mad, are we talking horse heads in the bed?' Type of thing. See if you can draw it out. The only thing is say is it's not necessarily down to chauvinism but a cover up for wounded pride

supercali77 yes it's v hard to fathom isn't it?
As people say on here, ifhe is nice does he have to advertise it?
The horse's head is a brilliant line, Def going to steal it!
I'm possibly a bit over sensitive to this sort of language but equally it is often used by those who don't share my values... It's not easy to do it all through messaging but equally I don't want to waste time/money if he turns out to be a misogynistic loon who, poor thing, only ever seems to pick 'mad women' ....

I'm aware that the language of my last post doesn't sound much different to his language which I found alarming, woops!

Nearly all men are far too quick to call women mad in various contexts. It is kind of a red flag but then if you're going to observe that strictly there are no men left.

YeahCorvid I completely agree!

URgh the old female madness - periods? 😡

I’ve just been out with Mr Anxious again who seems to be doing well with his anxiety. He was fine all dinner and said on the way home he felt some signs of feeling anxious but was able to ignore them so I didn’t even notice anyway. He is really worrying about ruining my evening but I keep pointing out to him that the anxiety is actually ruining things for him, not me and he should tell it to fuck off! Aside from his anxiety he does have plenty going for him and I am rooting for him to get it in check but at the same time I feel some pressure to do/say the right things because i know he’s such a worrier. I don’t want his worry to become a barrier

Some tame snogging this time. I paid for food this time (he paid last time) but he likes to drive me places which is quite gentlemanly I like it.

A couple of weeks ago I had a disastrous date with Mr 37yr old. It was supposed to be a quick drink then back to his place for some fun. But it didn't turn out like that.
Things went wrong and although he was polite, he made me feel very awkward and embarrassed so I left as quickly as I could.

Last night he sent a message asking to see me again. Says he likes me and it was just unfortunate what happened last time. Old me would think that was nice and go and see him again. But not any more. Now I think if he genuinely likes me then he should've checked I was ok the next day. So I said thanks but no thanks.

@runs yaaaas! This is the bit (when they offer something less than you deserve) where we all have to have some serious self love going on. It's a powerful choice to know your own worth

I have heard men describe women as ‘crazy’ and ‘mad’, those men usually go on to prove that they are in fact the crazy ones. It’s a huge red flag for me to hear a man describe their ex’s (or dates) as crazy.

@RunsforCake14 I'm going to take notes from what you said there, I'm also someone who will compromise just to have the company but the fact that you know your worth and just said thanks but no thanks is very inspiring!

@Lovemusic33 interestingly my ex and also my last online date used the same terms. I think you are onto something there

SuperCali 'Nice guy' profiles really put me off. Surely if you are decent you'd think being honest and kind should be a baseline, not a USP?

Still oddly rattled by the unpleasant date on Tuesday. We had a really nice chat and a kiss goodbye on Friday (early evening me waiting to meet friends) then on Tues he was awful!

Literally didn't smile or laugh once and when I mentioned being veggie in passing (I promise it was a brief aside talking about cooking!!), he went on and on about it even when I tried to politely change the subject several times, then goading me for being 'offended' which I wasn't, just sick of having to justify my choices to him at that point. (I was still being friendly) He was very patronising and made up facts also.

I've had much worse OLDs which were water off a duck's arse but this one has actually bothered me a bit somehow because we met in person first.

My friend thinks maybe he was on ecstasy on Friday that's why he was so much friendlier!

Northern that was jaw droppingly awful of him! Why is it so often the carnivores that poke veggies/vegans with a pointy stick repeatedly then complain that you're being unreasonable?!

Cake, I hope you're okay, don't know what went wrong but I'm concerned for you. X

Dragonfly that sounds really concerning. Agree it's potentially to cover his ego bruise but I'd see it as a red flag. And defo stay away from self-proclaimed "nice guys". Nice Guys just aren't. All the ones I've met feel incredibly entitled and mysogynistic, and cover it up by playing the wounded "I'm Nice, but I've been Wounded so often by people taking advantage of that, Woe Is Me etc etc. The Mr Nice Guy lasts not very long in my experience, then you realise they're a crock who refuses to acknowledge their own part to play in anything. Mr Blackpool from years ago was one, he was so Nice he dumped me after I spent all weekend with him and had just bought him coffee in the train station, for the reason that "I clearly didn't like him enough" ...because I wouldn't shag him on date 3 because as I had explained I was waiting for an appointment to get contraception sorted 😒

I take note from all your feedback and glad that my #redflagradar is half working, wil Def ease back with Mr nice!
Mr Vague remained vague and we left it quite vague about next meet up. I guess ball was in my court to tell him I'm back from my break away but he never once messaged in the meantime even just a chatty hi etc and lots of gaps previously so think he's Def gone.
Quick drinks with an iron tomorrow. Don't fancy his pics but his writing is nice hence quick drinks!
Another one Sunday Eve and a couple more in the process, one a bit younger who recognised me from our local area, not loads younger but looks it!
I was planning to meet Mr nice but ....will see what his response is ref the mad woman, gently teased him as he'd been on a diversity course yesterday and threw it in amongst other more innocuous stuff...

I'm glad everyone seems to have more irons in the fire at present. I have hidden my POF profile as only got emails from bloke wanting to be dominated! Had fun flirty chat yesterday with someone who was inadvertently matched whilst he was in London on business. He seemed lovely so we kept chatting for fun even though it won't be anything more. Definitely boosted my spirit though trying to keep as casual as possible as I have a rep for getting emotionally invested in everything!

I have no irons.

Bah.

I'm going away this weekend tho, so yay!

@northern - yeah I get quite Incel'ish vibes from it these days - sign 'o' the times.

I've got a 3rd date with mr runner on saturday - i've had my daughter full time, working 50ish hours a week for a while as her dad's been away so I can't wait for a bit of R&R....Is it acceptable to nap on dates?

So my first date from the day before yesterday rang me last night. We talked for an hour, it was nice. I think he’s growing on me.
We’re taking my dog for a walk on Sunday, then we’re going for dinner in a dog friendly pub. I do like him, I’m still not sure about the similarities to my ex, but we’ll see.

Anyone else find it exhausting? Dating is taking up so much of my headspace, not to mention my time replying to people and remembering who I’ve said what to.

it is exhausting. I take regular breaks from it! Especially if you're working full time and have kids at home still...

northern I think in a lot of cases men are on their best behaviour for date 1. Sometimes it goes on for a few more dates. And then the 'real' personality comes through. Be thankful you saw it on date 2! I went out with someone who said he tries to maintain it for 6 months! I mean fgs!

had a long chat with fwb MrLBG this morning which has made me feel so much better - we hadn't spoken for ages

seeing new iron tonight but other than that, have nothing interesting going on. Some extremely boring chats about the sodding weather fgs

other thing that is winding me up at the moment are people chasing me for replies. I work full time. I can't be online all day chatting and yet I have people asking why I'm not replying to their messages within a few hours.

I am sure there are loads of women who can chat all day but I'm really not one of them. I told someone off this morning who asked if I had gone away. I'd only not replied for about half a day!

@daffo - So many men (I assume women too) seem to be 'online' relentlessly. I don't get how anyone has the time?? Unless they're not working or the classic 'Working from home'

I'm guilty of being a stay at home mum so my phone is always at hand! Don't think I could manage online dating if I was back at work!

@Eesha - I tend to have mad little flurries and then I just don't have time. I used to work from home and that would have been perfect OLD situation hehe