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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is anyone awake? Too upset by drunken DH to sleep

184 replies

namechangearooni2 · 27/08/2018 02:49

My usually lovely DH has really messed up tonight and I don't know whether to be furious or concerned or whether I'm just overreacting as I'm 31 weeks pregnant so add hormones into the mix as well.

We've just come back from a really nice weekend away as a family. DH's friend was having a BBQ but me and DD (4) were shattered after the journey back so told him to go without us and have a nice time. He left about 4 ish.

I was woken at midnight by the sound of him coming back in. I didn't think much of it but then when I woke up again half an hour later and he still hadn't come to bed I thought that was odd so went downstairs.
The front door was open (not just unlocked, it was actually ajar) and I could hear snoring. DH was passed out flat on his back on top of the kitchen counter, lying across the integrated hob. Thankfully, the hob wasn't on, but it's very sensitive (operated by a touch screen type thing, you don't have to turn any knobs or anything) and I have accidentally turned it on just by placing something on top of it before so he could easily have turned it on by lying on it.

I shook him awake and when he got down off the counter it became apparent he was so drunk he couldn't even stand up. He stumbled backwards halfway across the kitchen and hit his head on a cupboard. I told him to go to bed but he refused, insisting he was fine, while still stumbling all over the place, banging into things. I told him I wanted to go to bed and I didn't think it was safe to leave him in the kitchen so he needed to just go and sleep it off. He then told me I was "pathetic", that I'm "nothing", I'm "not even a proper human being". I'm not used to him speaking to me like that and I was obviously upset but I realised there was no point in addressing it while he was drunk so I persuaded him to go upstairs while I locked up.

When I went up to our room he was sprawled on the bed, half asleep, muttering about how "life is bullshit" and "what's the point of living?" I cannot stress enough how completely out of character this is! Anyone who knows my DH would tell you he is a very laid-back, positive, 'glass half full' type of person so it was a bit of a shock to hear him talk like that although I'm sure it was just drunken nonsense.

He then promptly passed out and started snoring so loudly it briefly woke up DD(4) who is a notoriously heavy sleeper.
I've managed to get DD back to sleep but he's still snoring away like a bloody freight train and stinking like a brewery. I don't want to be in the same bed as him right now so I'm downstairs on the sofa. I'm far too wound up to sleep now though and I also feel like I have to go and check on him regularly in case he rolls onto his back and chokes on his own vomit or something.

Just to be clear, he's not an alcoholic. He doesn't go out drinking very often at all and he very rarely has a beer in the week. But when he does go on a rare night out with his friends he sometimes doesn't know when to stop, although not usually to this extent. I'm not sure I've ever seen him this bad but if I have it would have been years ago. When we first met (in our very early twenties) he was a bit of a party animal but now he's a 35 year old Husband and Father with a very responsible job for fuck sake. Am I right in thinking I should not be having to put up with this crap at this point in my life or am I overreacting?

Cake and Flowers for anyone who actually managed to get to the end of all that!

OP posts:
SquishySquirmy · 29/08/2018 17:05

The last time I got drunk was two weeks ago, in front of the TV when DH and I shared a bottle of wine.
We didn't even finish the bottle between us and we'd just eaten a massive meal. I was pissed precisely because I haven't drunk more than a glass of wine at a time in a while: My tolerance is very low and I don't know my limits anymore because my limits have changed.

I'm not an alcoholic, and neither is the op's DH (unless she is missing out some serious backstory). To suggest that getting drunk very occasionally makes someone an alcoholic is to suggest that most adults in the UK have been an alcoholic at some point in their lives. Which is ludicrous.

rwalker · 29/08/2018 21:47

some people seem positively disappointed he's not an abusive pissed head. The poster has clearly said its sorted there was a lack of ltb for a thread like this

merville · 29/08/2018 22:04

I'm not disappointed he's not an abusive pisshead - I am unnerved by what he said to her drunk however, and not entirely convinced by the 'he thought you were someone else, he wasn't speaking to you per se' view.
I would've liked op to consider him and her marriage a bit more carefully/skeptically (I often see lovely, sweet women on here completely oblivious to their partner's true characters who suffer because of it) instead of it all being swept away in a 'he was just pissed out of his head, people say all sorts of shit when pissed'. I've been srsly pissed and I've seen plenty of pissed people and I have to say I have yet to hear someone calling something else pathetic and 'not even a real person' before. There's something that unnerves me about that - how is ever not a real person.

Anyway, perhaps I'm wrong in my concern/reservation - it's very possible.

merville · 29/08/2018 22:04

(who not how)

NadiaLeon · 30/08/2018 08:35

He passed out on the kitchen hob.
Most people who get p1ssed don't go to that extreme.
Alcoholics don't always drink everyday, however when they do from they have no control of when they stop drinking.

TheHulksPurplePanties · 30/08/2018 08:40

NadiaLeon

I don't think you know very much about drinking and/or alcoholics. Most alcoholics I know are perfectly capable of spacing out their alcohol use so that they don't end up passed out. It's people who aren't regular drinkers that end up passed out on hobs, not alcoholics.

0hCrepe · 30/08/2018 08:48

Starting drinking at 4 is a great way to get shitfaced without meaning to and having shots is lethal. He fucked up talked utter shit and was suitably mortified and apologetic. I honestly think he sounds like a good bloke who cares.

Cambionome · 30/08/2018 08:50

Exactly what merville said at 22.04.

User1011 · 07/09/2018 03:22

How did he get on top of the kitchen counter?

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