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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

had a affair, now i am pregnant

272 replies

donnadell · 05/06/2007 16:25

i had a stupid affair that lasted 4 months and ended about 6 weeks ago, its the worst thing i have ever done and could sit here all day saying how sorry i am for what happened.

dh found out about it and after a lot of heartache we decided to give things another go, things have only really been "normal" between us for the last few days and i thought we had turned a corner.

now i find out that i am pregnant, there is a chance it could be either dh or om's. i was on the pill but also took a course of anti biotics which i was unaware could make the pill stop working.

now i dont know what to do, i cant face the idea of a abortion, even if i was 100% sure it was om's i dont think i could do it and the idea of killing a baby that is my dh's would destroy me. i have made the biggest mistake of my whole life and just when i though i would live through it this has happened.

can anyone please give me some advice, please dont post just to rip me apart because i have already been through so much of that in rl. nothing anyone says could make me feel any worse but i need some help in what feels like a impossible situation.

OP posts:
Original poster
donnadell · 25/06/2007 14:13

he has turned into a completly diffrent person right now, i know he is hurting but some of what he has done is beyond excuses.

he called up om and told him that i was pregnant with his (om's) baby and that i had gone and had a termination because we did not want a b*tad in our family.

om is the only person who has actually been there for me to talk to on the phone whenever i needed him.

OP posts:
hurtwife · 25/06/2007 14:28

He is deffinitly hurting - and he wants to lash out and hurt om as much as he can. This is because he must still have feeling for you.

I thouhgt it was over with the om? Why are you having any contact with him? This will only serve to fuel your h into justifying his actions (as he will think he was right).

You still sound very confused - Do you still want to make a go of it with H?

Original poster
donnadell · 01/07/2007 21:02

sorry i know i have bothered everyone enough, but is anyone here to talk to.

OP posts:
Original poster
donnadell · 01/07/2007 21:02

i really am desperate and dont know if i can take anymore

OP posts:
controlfreaky2 · 01/07/2007 21:03

what's been going on now donna?
sorry to hear things are so hard.

CaptainCaveman · 01/07/2007 21:12

have been reading this thread Donna and realise you are having a torrid time at the moment.

Just wanted to say, the Samaritans are FAB if you need support and mn is quiet.

Whats been happening?

CaptainCaveman · 01/07/2007 21:13

Sorry, that post sounded really fickle! That wasn't what I meant, it was honest advice!!

Bananaknickers · 01/07/2007 21:17

you o.k ? we are here

controlfreaky2 · 01/07/2007 21:22

talk to us......?

Judy1234 · 01/07/2007 21:27

First of all don't tell anyone. It might well miscarry in the first 3 months so why worry anyone further?

Then assuming it doesn't miscarry naturally tell your husband at 3 or 3.5 months. I would then pass it off as his for now. He won't know your dates etc. Make sure you both have a lot of sex from now on and that will cheer him up anyway.

Then once it's born arrange a discreet DNA test which no one need know about - you may need to get a swab from theek of your husband (or if he is suspcious just arrange one once it's born). Then and only then if it is the other man's you ought to tell him right away. remember David Blunkett? He introduced a legal right as a lover to have a DNA test on a married lover's baby even though the parents were against it. He then used the law himself to prove his married lover's baby was his and insist on contact. That is the honest way to do it and benefits the child too ultimately.

shhhh · 01/07/2007 21:29

xenia, don't think you have read the rest of the post... DB lost the baby...

DB are you ok..?

shhhh · 01/07/2007 21:29

sorry meant to say dd..(donnadell)

Original poster
donnadell · 01/07/2007 21:30

sorry something came up xenia have you posted on the wrong thread or are you trying to be funny with me??? because if you are i can really do without it just now

OP posts:
Original poster
donnadell · 01/07/2007 21:31

sorry everyone thank you for replying, im not good just now but even more upset now.

OP posts:
controlfreaky2 · 01/07/2007 21:31

xenia. really.
you probably should always read something of an obviously sensitive thread like this before wading in with such strident advice dont you think?

controlfreaky2 · 01/07/2007 21:32

take a deep breath donna... and talk to us, please? (if you still want to)?

MrsScavo · 01/07/2007 21:34

Ignore Xenia, I don't think she's read the thread. How are you Donna?

NurseyJo · 01/07/2007 21:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

NurseyJo · 01/07/2007 21:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Blu · 01/07/2007 21:44

Come back Donna - this is a big thread now - mainly because everyone wants to support you. Not everyone reads long threads. Xenia's post was an accident - she wouldn't have posted that if she'd read the thread. She didn't say anything tohave a go at you.

What's happening?

CarGirl · 01/07/2007 21:46

Im on MN now dd please we're here to listen/try and help

MunchiesMama · 01/07/2007 21:57

Thinking of you, so sorry to read all that has happened.... things will get better. xx

Mommalove · 01/07/2007 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

controlfreaky2 · 01/07/2007 22:27

oh donna. please tell us you're still there...

controlfreaky2 · 01/07/2007 23:17

am off to bed now. hope you're ok.

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