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Original poster

Confidence level down after comments on body

161 replies

Lolosoap2 · 21/08/2018 22:57

Hi all,

Really needs advice on BF behaviour

So, my BF and I are 25 and 24 years old, and we have been together for 4 years. This weekend we went to Monaco to celebrate our 4th year anniversary. Everything went really well, and I really felt like we had shared a beautiful and romantic moment together. We came back last night, he tells me how much he was happy to be with me etc etc

Today I saw a message he received from one of his best friend (who is currently in Italy on the beach with his GF) saying: "I realized I have reached the bottom 2.5% in terms of ass and boobs with my GF as I look at other girls on the beach " (this is translated from French, the actual language employed was very rude and vulgar, just did not know how to translate it. My BF responded, "Yeah, please don't remind me that I am part of the bottom 2.5% too. Girls were just so hot in the south of France. and then he adds a smiley crying" - This is not the first time this type of comments are arising, we went on vacation with 12 other friends in July and he told me I was the least good looking of the girls in the house we were renting. Sometimes he makes comments at dinner in front of everyone: "Oh think a bit about your ass stop eating all that"

I am not sure if that matters, but I actually felt really great about my body before. AT University I was elected Queen of the Business ball and I was always complimented on my look, my hair, my body...I believe I still look great, but I am really losing my confidence when I see this kind of messages or hear his comments
I don't know how to react, Is it normal for him to expect that I hit the gym everyday to look more like his standard (going to the gym is healthy after all)? Should I talk to his friend? should I talk to the other girl being body shamed? Should I just keep it to myself? Technically I found out about the message while spying on his FB profile... so not great on my side

Most importantly, I am very worried about the future. If he makes this kind of comments now that I am young, what will he do when I get older, become pregnant or gain weight? Anyone with experiences on this matter?
Should I stop speaking to him? I just don't know how to react
This should not affect me that much, I don't want to be superficial, but it really makes me sad especially when I thought we 've had actually spend a very nice weekend in the south of France..

OP posts:
Coco2891 · 21/08/2018 22:59

Dump him - you deserve better - what a prick!

Lifeisabeach09 · 21/08/2018 23:01

Should you stop speaking to him? No, you should dump him and find a man (not a boy!) who will lift you up, not tear you down.
He sounds like a fucking immature asshole!

Coco2891 · 21/08/2018 23:02

I've just re-read your post and honestly I'm gobsmacked 😶 he sounds awful! Maybe he's insecure and puts you down so you think you'll never do better . Guess what? you bloody will ! Don't waste any more time on someone that treats you this way.

Nevermindhey · 21/08/2018 23:02

How disrespectful! I don’t know how you could come back from that.

Have you told him how you feel when he makes comments about your body/appearance? Surely he knows how hurtful it would be to tell you you were the least good looking in a group. Is he trying to cut you down to size?

Nasty man.

Notreadyforkidstogrowupyet · 21/08/2018 23:04

Omg what a total cf.you deserve so much better .dump him asap .he sounds very immature for his age and thinks of women as trophys.dont waste any more time with a idiot who's not worthy of you Flowers

WhatWouldCoachBombayDo · 21/08/2018 23:04

There are two ways to play this, the mature way and the "not so" mature way. However fundamentally it's not a healthy relationship to be berated and moked about your personal appearance, so for your own sanity leave.

But you can either just explain confidently and in a mature way "I don't like the comments you pass about my physical appearance, I don't find it acceptable that you mock me when I am eating, therefore you need to go, good bye"

Or

You can toy with him for a week or two before you dump him mocking him on his appearance/penis size , pass comment when he's eating and so on.

Really does depend if you want to be the adult in he situation or exact some revenge.

Bighouseinthesticks · 21/08/2018 23:06

Get rid of him, he's horrible.

CarbieDoll · 21/08/2018 23:06

My first ever LTB

GloGirl · 21/08/2018 23:08

Google translate tells me

Get to fuck

Is va baiser in French, so I'd be telling him that.

HelloGabriel · 21/08/2018 23:08

Does this nasty prick have any redeeming features?

Unless he's a Jamie fucking Dornan lookalike, which might be worth sticking out for another week or so, get rid of this dickhead pronto.

Coco2891 · 21/08/2018 23:09

You could fat poison him before you dump him 🐷

Original poster
Lolosoap2 · 21/08/2018 23:09

I understand your comments and I hear you all, I really do... But we have just had such a great weekend and I love him so very much. I am just not sure if I can change him, do you know some guy changing when they grow older and become more mature? How are other men behaving with their GF? All I hear around me is men making fun of their GF about their physical appearances... I am just wondering if this is normal, I am very hurt
He is away for a week on a business trip, should I tell him I saw the message? and oh I can't stand his friend either, and you should meet his girl friend... the nicest girl you will ever meet she does so much for him

OP posts:
Coco2891 · 21/08/2018 23:13

My husband wouldn't dare speak to me like that - nor any men I know to their partners -it's my normal it's bullying and demeaning .you may think you love him now but you'll look back and be glad you got out . If he's away on business perfect time to pack your shit and get outta there !

Mammysin · 21/08/2018 23:13

He thinks you are in the bottom 2.5%. So does he fancy you or not? If he does fancy you, but is prepared to put you down for appearance’s sake for his friend- is this love? You love him but does he even like you? Sorry you had to read what he wrote/ he is a scrote ...

Coco2891 · 21/08/2018 23:13

*its not normal

Nevermindhey · 21/08/2018 23:15

Well you might love him but he’s not acting like he loves you.

It’s not about growing up or becoming mature, it’s about basic love and respect towards the partner you have chosen and he does not have that towards you.

babycow38 · 21/08/2018 23:15

This type of post makes me feel so, so bad for our next generation of girls.
Any Fucker , I hope you have more advice x

Iwantaunicorn · 21/08/2018 23:18

So, my EXBF and I are 25 and 24 years old, and we were together for 4 years. Fixed it for you.

He’s a prick. Please also have my very first LTB. If he’s like this when you’re young and hot, he’ll be a right asshat when you’re post natal, crying and haven’t showered for a few days.

I like whatcoachbombaywoulddo suggestion, I’d do that in the remaining days of the relationship whilst I got my shit together, then strut off in to the sunset without looking back!

cantstandmenow · 21/08/2018 23:18

Why is it your job to change him? You can have even better weekends, with some other more lovable guy who doesn't need taught how to be a decent human being.

Ploppymoodypants · 21/08/2018 23:19

No it’s not normal and no not all men behave like this. My DH has at times commented on by weight and lack of boobs and it’s caused a major issue in our relationship.

However I have over heard him talking to his friends drunkenly on night out, and see messages in his phone where he has said how much he loves XYZ part of me, or how chuffed he is to be with me. I am no super model, but he likes me for me if that makes sense.

Also witnessed me friends telling each other how ‘lush my girlfriend looks dancing’ etc.

So basically, nope he isn’t a good un I am afraid. And no you can’t change how he thinks i am afraid.

RainySeptember · 21/08/2018 23:20

I'd tell him you'd seen the message, and tell the other gf too. Cheeky bastards. Then you can decide what to do next (I would end it tbh).

Brazenhussy0 · 21/08/2018 23:24

Oh ffs, just bin the idiot. No, you will not change him and he is unlikely to grow out of this attitude.

But even if he does grow out of it as he matures, are you really willing to wait around in the meantime while he wrecks your self-esteem?

You're so young, and life is too short to waste it taking this kind of crap.

BinkyandBunty · 21/08/2018 23:26

I'm sorry, no it isn't normal.

And in my experience men with that attitude towards their girlfriends/wives won't think twice if they get an offer from a woman they think is more attractive, because they feel entitled to take it. And it'll be your fault for not being good enough/trying harder.

bastardkitty · 21/08/2018 23:26

Start a group chat on whatsapp with the 4 of you and post screenshots. Then put that you've decided to dump the disrespectful cunt as he's in the bottom 2.5% for personality. Sorted.

babycow38 · 21/08/2018 23:29

Love you and your body Missy,do not let anyone else tell you different xxc😁