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Original poster

Confidence level down after comments on body

161 replies

Lolosoap2 · 21/08/2018 22:57

Hi all,

Really needs advice on BF behaviour

So, my BF and I are 25 and 24 years old, and we have been together for 4 years. This weekend we went to Monaco to celebrate our 4th year anniversary. Everything went really well, and I really felt like we had shared a beautiful and romantic moment together. We came back last night, he tells me how much he was happy to be with me etc etc

Today I saw a message he received from one of his best friend (who is currently in Italy on the beach with his GF) saying: "I realized I have reached the bottom 2.5% in terms of ass and boobs with my GF as I look at other girls on the beach " (this is translated from French, the actual language employed was very rude and vulgar, just did not know how to translate it. My BF responded, "Yeah, please don't remind me that I am part of the bottom 2.5% too. Girls were just so hot in the south of France. and then he adds a smiley crying" - This is not the first time this type of comments are arising, we went on vacation with 12 other friends in July and he told me I was the least good looking of the girls in the house we were renting. Sometimes he makes comments at dinner in front of everyone: "Oh think a bit about your ass stop eating all that"

I am not sure if that matters, but I actually felt really great about my body before. AT University I was elected Queen of the Business ball and I was always complimented on my look, my hair, my body...I believe I still look great, but I am really losing my confidence when I see this kind of messages or hear his comments
I don't know how to react, Is it normal for him to expect that I hit the gym everyday to look more like his standard (going to the gym is healthy after all)? Should I talk to his friend? should I talk to the other girl being body shamed? Should I just keep it to myself? Technically I found out about the message while spying on his FB profile... so not great on my side

Most importantly, I am very worried about the future. If he makes this kind of comments now that I am young, what will he do when I get older, become pregnant or gain weight? Anyone with experiences on this matter?
Should I stop speaking to him? I just don't know how to react
This should not affect me that much, I don't want to be superficial, but it really makes me sad especially when I thought we 've had actually spend a very nice weekend in the south of France..

OP posts:
SummerVibe · 22/08/2018 21:40

I can't believe I just read that. To put it in perspective, would you ever DREAM of texting a friend demeaning comments about your bf's appearance? It's just so disrespectful and unnecessary. The pressure on women these days is disgusting. It's hard enough without your own bf saying such nasty things. He should fancy you and love your body no matter what way you look! It's not really love if he can talk about you that way. His friend sounds like a total arse too.

peoniesandprosecco · 23/08/2018 10:01

His comments are totally unacceptable. Men say those kinds of things because they are insecure in some way or worry that their other half may leave them and try to belittle them to stop this happening.

You deserve so much better than this.

Kennycalmit · 23/08/2018 10:15

It SHOCKS me the amount of posters on here calling this “lad banter” or “I’d expect this from an 18 yr old” errrrr no how about not expecting this from anybody?!?!?! As for it being ‘lad banter’ (cringe) I feel sorry for you that you expect men to have such horrible banter between themselves

If my friend told me her DP had a small cock and was eyeing up other men’s bulges I wouldn’t laugh and say “haha yeah me too!” - why? 1) because it wouldn’t be true, and 2) even if my dp did have a small cock I certainly wouldn’t mock him about it to other people!

‘Lads’ don’t do this nor do 18 yr old guys. The only people who do this are nasty, horrible people. Whether they mean what they’re saying or not.

Why would you want to be with such an immature little cretin who has to put you down to make his mates laugh? My DP loves me and my body, if anyone insulted me he wouldn’t agree with them that’s for sure!

OP this isn’t love or respect. But you won’t leave. Just know that he won’t change. This is who he is, he won’t wake up in 6 months time and suddenly be this respectful person. He mocks you to his friends... he doesn’t love you

Luxembourgmama · 23/08/2018 10:22

Is he french? If so i wouldn't be surprised they are like that i think its cultural. But you should definitely dump him.

pointythings · 23/08/2018 13:03

Dump him.

You deserve more than this sexist manchild.

Secretsquirrel101 · 23/08/2018 13:10

How utterly repugnant your 'D'P is. There's far better out there OP, you just have to be brave enough to go for it.

RivanQueen · 23/08/2018 14:30

Fuck this dickhead right off, what an absolute c.u. next tuesday! Honestly I don't know how some mens minds work. My DP would never say anything like that because he's a normal, decent, respectful person who loves me. I've got lumps, bumps and jiggly bits and he loves them all because they're a part of me. I don't care if this guy is the most attractive man on the planet, he's shown he's a truly ugly asshat.
OP if someone treats you like shit just remember there is something wrong with them, not you. Normal people don't go around destroying other people.
Get rid and get yourself a real man, not a shallow connard boy.

Mushroomsarehorrible · 23/08/2018 15:52

I can't believe what I just read.

If my DH spoke about me or to me in the way this prick of a guy does to you, it would be the last thing he ever did.

Not that my DH would talk to me like that, he adores me, thinks I'm the most beautiful woman in the world, tells me and his friends often how lucky he is. I feel the same and tell him how gorgeous he is, inside and outside.

THAT is what healthy respectful relationships are like.

Your excuse for a man is a solid gold cunt. Get some dignity and dump his sorry arse

Mooster62 · 23/08/2018 16:58

In the 28 years I have been with my DH I have ranged in size from a 10 to an 18 and back again. I have had a number of operations, 2 children and my body certainly doesn't look like it used to. My DH has never ever made a disrespectful comment or remark about or to me in all that time. We meant the "for better or for worse" and if you love someone you certainly don't make derogatory remarks about them to your friends. Dump him!

NadiaLeon · 23/08/2018 18:59

None of know what our partners say to others.

AynRandTheObjectivist · 23/08/2018 20:00

Yes, but once we find out and it's shitty and hateful, what should we do?

Mummadeeze · 23/08/2018 20:18

I am in an abusive unhappy relationship and even I am shocked by this level of disrespect. You say all the guys he hangs out with speak about women like this? You need to widen your circle and meet some men who aren’t so demeaning and rude. And you are right, if he is dissing you like this now, in the prime of your life before you have got old and had kids, what will he be like in the future. I suspect he will leave you for a younger model and call you expired at some point if he doesn’t even think you are good enough for him now. Very sad, please respect yourself and leave him before you are even more attached/trapped with damaged self esteem.

ZacharyQuacks · 23/08/2018 20:52

OP this is classic insecure man dick behaviour. It's a sign of a man who is massively insecure about his ability to please and keep a woman and so he thinks that by tearing her down and making her insecure, she won't wake up to the fact that he is a total turd and 99% of the men out there are better.

I've had this from past boyfriends, along with "I'd dump you for [X] celebrity". Which was a spectacularly bad move on his part - I laughed my ass off and dumped him first. OP - pleasedo the same. Tell him he just isn't hot enough or sexually satisfying so you have to let him go. The absolute asshat.

elQuintoConyo · 23/08/2018 21:11

Nadia are you the boyfriend? You're coming across as a bit of a connard.

OP, your boyfriend is something the lowest of the low wipe off their shoe. If you don't dump him, you'll be in this shitty relayionship forever - you deserve better. Every woman deserves better than a man like him.

Take courage and jump Flowers

bastardkitty · 23/08/2018 21:13

OP does know Nadia. So that's what the thread's about.

HazelBite · 23/08/2018 21:23

OP love isn't all about romatic trips to the South of France, its about respect too and your BF is showing you none.
Heaven help you if you were to have medical issues that affected your appearance, or carried babyweght, have stretchmarks, gosh you would be lower than 1%

woodywoo2 · 23/08/2018 21:38

Fuck him off. He sounds a right prick.

NadiaLeon · 23/08/2018 22:15

@elQuintoConyo

What's a connard?

Sally2791 · 23/08/2018 22:19

Dreadful comments very shallow and not indicative of a good healthy future. Get rid

tootstastic · 23/08/2018 22:26

How on earth did you react to him saying you were the worst looking woman there?! Shocking! This man does not love or respect you...LTB in a heartbeat.

elQuintoConyo · 24/08/2018 23:27

It's French. It as been mentioned a couple of times on this thread. Google translate is your friend.

NadiaLeon · 25/08/2018 09:36

I do not know what it means. Please just give the thread the translation.

bastardkitty · 25/08/2018 09:39

It's as if google translate never happened...

SuperPug · 25/08/2018 09:43

It's very sad when you hear OPs explain how much they love these kind of men, even when they're awful.
He doesn't love you. A real man doesn't talk about women in this way and "lad banter" is a shit excuse. Yes, he will get worse, probably cheat on you (if he hasn't done so already if he writes messages like that) and I have no idea why you wouldn't dump him

pouraglasshalffull · 25/08/2018 09:46

Leave him.

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