Who gets the engagement ring?

[Ta77Blonde]

When a couple break up because the man was an abuser, who gets the engagement ring?

Whoever paid for it.

THe engagement ring is a gift. It isn’t part of a legal contract, keep it.

My ex, because I left him as he abused me emotionally and mentally and the odd time physically left bruises on me, has issued a solicitors letter demanding the engagement ring back. I previously called the police because he was stalking my new home area, as he doesn't know the exact address. This made him mad and now he is demanding the ring back!

Personally I’d give it back, just so that he can’t hold it over you. Nothing worse than an abusive man thinking he has one over on you.

You’re never going to wear it again (presumably) and they lose a lot of value second hand, so will only be a fraction of what he paid for it if you sell it.

Post it back and cut off any other reasons he may have to contact you.

Legally the recipient can keep it, unless it was made plain at the time of giving that this specific gift was conditional on the marriage taking place.

If the ring was a family heirloom from the giver's family, then I think that shouid be returned.

And TBH, I think that regardless of the legalities, I'd be returning it. As I wouidn't want to own it and therefore wouid not want the proceeds from selling it. If utterly on my uppers, I might change my mind about that last bit, though.

If I give it back he wins.
Im contemplating writing a letter to him saying that legally I don't have to give it back but because of his actions I want nothing more to do with him and he can keep it?

Is there any reason why you have to keep in contact (kids etc)? If not, give it back and be shot of him.

Just give it back and get him out of your life!

And don’t give it to him!! Go to his solicitor and hand it to them in person and ask for a receipt.

‘If I give it back he wins’

Wins what?

You’re buying into his crap. It’s a ring. It’s worth a few quid. Stop getting yourself riled up about it. Make sure you also return any other thing you think he might request. Then he will run out of reasons to contact you and the law can be used against him much easier...detach.

Either keep it or give it back via the solicitor, but don't engage in any sort of communication about it or anything else. Ignore ignore. Bite your hand to stop yourself responding to anything goady.

In the U.K. it's classed as a gift, but I think in America it's considered the givers property (until you're married when it becomes yours). That's what I've learned from Judge Judy anyway!

I always assumed no marriage, ring goes back, because I learned that way back in law school.

But saw this come up a while back and did some research. Legally, that’s not always the case in all jurisdictions. A lot can hang on who broke up the engagement and the circumstances.

Yeah I'd give it back. Then you're done with him.

Unless he then sends a list of all the presents he's given you, I'd then bag all of them up and pre empt that bollocks. Give them back with the ring.

It might help if you alter how you see who 'wins' (not sure if that's a terribly helpful mindset in the first place, though)

Have you heard of the strategic concept of 'losing the battle to win the war'?

It's something to consider here - yes he might move on to another form of annoyance, (in which case, you have to deal with it) but he might not, and you can't keep second guessing what he might do. For one thing, I t means you're thinking about him far too much.

You can choose to 'lose' on this one, you are not being defeated.

But to be honest I wouldn't WANT to keep my old engagement ring. It's just a piece of metal - if he wants it back I'd just give it to him and move on.

Run the hoover over it so it is nice and mangled.
Then hand it back.
Job done.

I've always told myself that if I was in the situation where an engagement was ended or we got divorced I would give all rings back, just so I felt like I'd said here are the rings, I'm moving on.
However my situation means I could not. All 3 of my rings are MY family heirlooms, given to me to pass on to them dp, for when the time was right. So they were mine to start with.
In your situation I would give it back. My mum left an abusive relationship (not engaged or married) and did not want anything from him, not even anything she could get a bit of money for, too many bad memories.

Im feeling less sick and anxious. I am thinking I want nothing to do with this abusive man.

Send it back via solicitor (so you have proof) and end it there. Why hand on to something that's going to drag out the shit?

@adaline Yes, and I agree with Judge Judy even if it's not the law in the UK. An engagement ring is given in contemplation of marriage, if the marriage doesn't take place, it goes back to whoever bought it. Once upon a time you could sue someone for breaking off an engagement. Breach of promise.

Quite honestly OP I don't understand why you or anyone would want to keep an engagement ring to remind them of an ex who abused them.

let him waste his money sending you solicitor's letters!

Is it a nice ring?

Send it back, why would you want to keep something that someone who abused you gave you a token as as supposed love token. Agree with Buster though, send it back through a Solicitor so there can be no issue of him saying you’ve not given it him when you have.

The ring was designed by us as I knew the man who sold diamonds through my old work place. It was a beautiful pear shaped solitaire on rose gold, 1.21ct worth about £10,000 retail.