Who gets the engagement ring?

[Ta77Blonde]

When a couple break up because the man was an abuser, who gets the engagement ring?

Sorry I left out the second choice! That is to return the ring with the same letter.
I see you've told the solicitor and already been to the police. Adapt the suggested letter to make that clear.

The solicitor is doing nothing wrong. He'll have advised his client it's a baseless request but has been instructed to ask anyway. As long as he isn't deliberately incorrectly quoting a law that requires you to return it.

Personally I'd return it. Even the act of selling it and donating the proceeds buys into his drama.
You want to behave with supreme indifference, which would be returning the ring.

I am concerned about the harassment angle. The solicitor letter is another example of his harassment (although the solicitor wouldn't have known this). Report to police and ask them to serve a PIN on him.

shallichangemyname

Thank you so much, that is extremely helpful

One last addition. What if I said that I would return it but now I have changed my mind due to his harassment?

Return the ring and move on.

Stop allowing him to waste your time any more.

Swap out the diamond for a cz. Then give it back.

I gave an engagement ring back once and I also kept one when I left my husband. I later pawned it and took the kids out for the day.

You really want to keep plying the game with him don’t you op.

I would still just send it back. If you'll pardon the pun, I wouldn't "engage" with him any more than necessary.
Anything/everything will provide a cause/excuse, in his mind, to maintain further contact and abuse.

Just reply with the ring. There's honestly no point fighting this.

No big letter; no big statement. Make it seem like no big deal; it's not one. Let him have his ring; it'll only remind you of him.

Return the ring. Don’t engage in any kind of “be nice and I’ll return the ring” game. Return it, and get him out of your life. Do everything you can to move on, you deserve so much better.

FleeceDetective

No, I want this resolved, its causing me to have anxiety attacks. I want this resolved asap but want to know what my options are. I have wasted enough time on this person.

The only way to resolve without wasting more energy and emotion is to return to solicitor and not engage. Think about the emotional energy you are wasting right now trying to think of scenario where you 'win' and prove your point to him.

Sell it and do something fun with the money.

Tbh though it sounds lovely I'd keep it and put it on my right hand

One last addition. What if I said that I would return it but now I have changed my mind due to his harassment?

You'd just be playing the game again.

You seem to be invested in the ring and sound like you are still hurting from the relationship. I think right now you want to keep it despite all the advice on here...so:

Do you feel he owes you financially? Are you struggling ( I notice he has a solid and you don't mention one).
Is the ring worth more because of your efforts (design or contacts) and you don't want him to benefit?
Do you just love it and he knows that and is trying to hurt you?

Maybe get the ring valued. Second hand values are not always what you think. Then decide whether that value is really worth the fight.

solicitor not solid

With the letter you are engaging and he gets what he wants. Send the ring back to his solicitor with a letter stating
Dear ...,
This is my final and only correspondence with regards to your client and any further contact, correspondence or stalking by him or a third party will be dealt with by police and my solicitor as harassment.
Do not name him, dicuss him or call him anything other than your client then get on with your life and if you hear anything else call police.

5LeafClover

I don't need a solicitor right now and don't want to give him the satisfaction of getting one. I know what the ring is worth as I knew the dealer from my previous work in that industry.
I also don't want a solicitor.
And yes I am hurting, I was suppose to marry this man, he promised me he would get help as he knew what he was doing was wrong. I uprooted myself from a neighbourhood and community I loved and my children for him. Im still very cross and yet have to go through the heartbreak of this! As I know the ring is the only hold he has on me now I want to use it to hurt him! Yes Im mad!

Send the ring back.

THE END.

If the law states I can keep it, I want to !

If you need the money sell it; if you don't return it and move on.

I'm sorry you've had to go through this

Bloody keep it then, it's clear you want to so tell him to shove it

That option buys into his antics OP.
He wins because he has controlled your reaction (if you'd been ok I'd have returned it but you're being horrid so I won't - you've allowed your reaction to be dictated by his behaviour).

Either sell it and donate the money and say this is what you've done or return it. But I would also take the opportunity to give the harassment warning in the letter (this will help you with any police involvement or a non- mol).

Personally I think rushing to sell it now is also buying into his crap. Because your actions are motivated by not wanting to let him have it back. It becomes a battle to win and beat the other person, when it should just be you letting go and acting with supreme indifference to his emotional mind games.
Scenario 1: He asks for ring back. You give it back without a seconds thought, showing you don't care.
Scenario 2: He asks for ring back. You sell ring so he can't have it or just refuse to give it back.

Don't you see how your reactions are allowing him to control you?

Not sure why you’ve bothered posting you’ve honest. Virtually all the replies you’ve had say give it back, he’s abusive so you want to end contact with him. However, you just want to keep it clearly and write this letter. You’re just dragging it on and giving him more ammunition for contacting you, plus his Solicitor has done nothing wrong.