Who gets the engagement ring?

[Ta77Blonde]

When a couple break up because the man was an abuser, who gets the engagement ring?

Keeping it is unlikely to hurt him (unless he needs the money), and seeking revenge keeps the game going. By all means keep it - but then he'll be back in touch.

That's very sad. Birth-mother/birth-mother's family?
Would it be impractical, or unrealistic, for you & your sons to relocate to the family & community you uprooted from?

I have decided to return the ring. I want nothing from him. I just wanted to know the law and my rights. Giving it back knowing I don't have to is closure enough. He was expecting a fight, hes not getting it.

I think you might feel less anxious if you resolve this one thing by just sending the ring to his solicitor. You won’t feel better including a letter, don’t put at more thought into this. Make it a goal this week to get this task done.

I wouldn’t want to keep anything from a man who abused me. I chucked my engagement and wedding ring in the bin from my ex and felt such great satisfaction doing so. And that was the ending I needed.

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey

I was so lucky to be able to relocate back to my community and that is the best thing ever to have come from this. The chance of getting a house in this area is as rare as hens teeth. I am so lucky to have this house, to be away from him and to have had the strength to leave him, even if it was at the cost of his daughter having to witness something so bad that she was taught was bad in school.

Keep it. Then you can lovingly gaze at it and remember the smashing fella that knocked your block off for the craic.

Well done OP - You have WON the WAR!

You have taken back the power - you have escaped. Exactly as you said - he wants a fight / control and you haven’t given it to him.

100% silence is your weapon of mass destruction! Go girl - celebrate

But I would be picking temped to replace the diamond as PP has said - but that will cost time and money - and you will always be looking over your shoulder for the day he finds out and flies into a violent rage.....

another20

I did think that but he will have it for sale immediately and will know straight away

I will be returning it on Thu or Fri. I will be packing my suitcase for a weekend in London! Looking forward to enjoying it with the weight and stress lifted from my shoulders!

I just pray he leaves it at that but I have a feeling he wont

Well done - I really think you’ve made the right decision here. It’s what I’d have advised my DDs to do in your situation.

If this isn’t the end of it (and he keeps up the driving around your workplace etc) then keep a log and either get an injunction or involve the Police. I think (hope) that, having not had a reaction to the bait, he’ll bugger off and find someone else to harass.

Enjoy your weekend :-)

Well done op :)

The Law Reform (Miscellaneous Provisions) Act 1970 states that:

“The gift of an engagement ring shall be presumed to be an absolute gift; this presumption may be rebutted by proving that the ring was given on the condition, express or implied, that it should be returned if the marriage did not take place for any reason.”
^^This. Sell it and give proceeds to charity if you don't want it.

look legally it's yours, so he can go swing for it. It's not the ring that he wants, he wants you to be in thrall to him and your need to win is not going to give you peace of mind.

I'd keep it out of buggerance...I can't imagine not wearing my engagement ring no matter what...its mine, it belongs to me!

Send him a bill for it. Use the most recent valuation and when he pays for it he can have it.

Or if you like the ring keep it. As soon as he’s got it he’ll only find something else to moan about.

Or get a cheap fake made as a replacement and send him that.

Or get your solicitor to reply to him saying he can have it and the value of it can be paid to you out of his estate.

Personally I’d keep it and not even bother responding, he can keep wasting his money on solicitors letters for nothing.

It's worth £10k? Sell it for half that and use the money to go on holiday.

Pick out the stones and then give him the ring back!
I kept mine. But we were married

Sell it and put the money in an account for your daughter. At least that way some good come come from it.

Sell it and put the money in an account for your daughter. At least that way some good come come from it.

Yeah, that's a better idea. Just keep back £100 or so and buy yourself something nice that he would really disapprove of. I'm sure you can think of something.

Why would you want to keep it?

I'd block him, completely ignore the messages & sell it. Then I'd go on a bloody nice holiday - a 10K ring will get you something spectacular.

AuntieStella - awesome answer.

I think keeping it is worthwhile if one is interested in jewelry and then can give it to the jeweller to melt and turn into something else, say, set a stone in it. But that is only if it was a proper metal, like 18k gold, not some cheap tat.

On a personal note, I was never abused in my 1st marriage, but when it ended, gave the wedding ring (gold, 18k) to a stranger on a street. It was just after I had a nasty conversation with the ex-husband over the phone and thought, that's it, it was a symbolic gesture.

I’d keep the ring and sell it. Use the money for you and your child.
And if his solicitor asks again - would say that he has to pay you min hourly wage for all the housekeeping/cooking/washing etc....
And return everything you gave him too...

Legally it is the definition of a gift