What he said in bed

[Watda]

I posted in the sex topic last night but didn’t get any replies and I really need some independent perspectives on my situation.

My boyfriend and I were in bed last night and he had been expecting to have some back door action. I wasn’t up for that and he kept joking I had promised him it and that I couldn’t renege on my promise.

Anyway, we were having normal sex with me on top. I asked him if it was working for him and he replied that it was ‘ok’.

Now I’m not expecting him to see stars but if someone is taking the time to make herself vulnerable to you I think it’s pretty shitty to say that what is happening is ‘ok’. If you want to improve things then we can talk about that outside the bedroom or you can make some of your own suggestions to make it better for you. I just felt so deflated I climbed off.

He doesn’t understand why I’m upset and says it must be because it’s my ‘time of th month’.

Was he being a dick or do I need to get a grip?

[Apileofballyhoo]

You're 100% right to never see him again. I hope you enjoy your holiday with your mother.

[Prawnofthepatriarchy]

Glad to hear the support has been supportive. He's a shit and you'll soon find someone better!

[Italiangreyhound]

Watda

"I don’t think he will physically hurt me if I end it." That's good news, and kind of the least we would expect of any man we were involved with.

"I think he will try to mess with my head." OK, so be prepared. What will he say, that you will regret breaking up, I am sure you will not; that you will never find another man like him, bloody certain you will find better!

What else can he say. I think being prepared for comments might help (others may disagree).

I also think not engaging would be better, but in whatever way will be least destructive to you as a person. I really think others who have been in this position might be able to help.

My concern is he will try and twist your words and make your doubt the strength of your decision. I once broke up with a guy and he hopped on the bus and wouldn't accept it and said same time, same place next week (it was before mobile phones and I was 16!). I felt so responsible for him, I came to the same place the same time and dumped him again. I should have just said no, we are broken up!

"When I said I was scared of him, I meant he can be quite menacing sometimes. There was one occasion where he was on top of me and wouldn’t get off and I got really scared and started to cry because there was literally nothing I could do to protect myself. "

Do not be alone with him, break up however you choose but do not be alone with him, and not in your home or his ever with him.

"I do appreciate the support on this thread." I think we all feel very concerned for you and it is just good you are sharing that concern. Bless you.

[Italiangreyhound]

I mean some women can't see the worry, and post stuff then say that they love the guy anyway. You've had proof of his behaviour and you are concerned and just knowing that you are thinking sensibly is a relief.

[AynRandTheObjectivist]

Get out and don't engage with any questions or whinging or demands that he throws at you. Tell him you do not want to see him any more and the relationship is over, and then block all channels. You owe him nothing, he is a shit. 'I don’t think he will physically hurt me if I end it' is terrifying, because a) it should be a given that you can end a relationship without being attacked and b) you're still not entirely sure.

Get rid, get out. There are much better men out there and even if there aren't, better alone than in shitty, abusive, misogynistic, rapist-in-waiting company.