What he said in bed

[Watda]

I posted in the sex topic last night but didn’t get any replies and I really need some independent perspectives on my situation.

My boyfriend and I were in bed last night and he had been expecting to have some back door action. I wasn’t up for that and he kept joking I had promised him it and that I couldn’t renege on my promise.

Anyway, we were having normal sex with me on top. I asked him if it was working for him and he replied that it was ‘ok’.

Now I’m not expecting him to see stars but if someone is taking the time to make herself vulnerable to you I think it’s pretty shitty to say that what is happening is ‘ok’. If you want to improve things then we can talk about that outside the bedroom or you can make some of your own suggestions to make it better for you. I just felt so deflated I climbed off.

He doesn’t understand why I’m upset and says it must be because it’s my ‘time of th month’.

Was he being a dick or do I need to get a grip?

[TTEA]

Me and my other half haven't had sex much for the past year. Maybe a handful of times. I've had some issues I've needed to sort and my head hasn't been in the right place for sex. He hasn't complained, he's supported me, he's told me that he is ready to start having sex again when I am, and in my opinion this is how a relationship should be - you don't want to do something? The other party absolutely must respect that! To be upset by you not wanting anal is unbelievable!!

[pictish]

Ugh...being hassled into anal sex by being nagged and put down.
It’s not you.

[Notmany]

A lot of people reading into two letters on here.

OP I've found that men aren't prone to giving long detailed answers whilst DTD. What were you hoping to gain by asking that question? If you were really hoping for a particular sex act and your partner had been indicating that it was on the cards but then changed their mind and whilst you were having sex without that act started asking you questions about how great it was for you how would you feel?

It has clearly bothered you and so you need to talk with him not go on mumsnet and get the great MN masses to convince you he's an abusive sex pest and to LTB unless that is what you want.

[PerverseConverse]

Emotionally manipulative dickhead. Red flags. LTB.

[TatianaLarina]

Dump him OP, he’s not going to let up on the anal.

[RightyHoChaps]

What a twat!

I would have had the same reaction OP! And agree with PP, clearly sulking because he didn't get what he wanted.

Don't fucking give in. What an emotionally stunted man! Everyone has their boundaries and they need to be respected.

If he asked how he did during sex and you said 'ok', I'm pretty sure his ego would be a little deflated. Agree with PP that sparks and stars should definitely be present (granted not every time, sometimes we all just need a quick release). I still get them with OH even with a 14mo and 3 years in.

Find a better bloke OP! One that respects you, your feelings and your boundaries!

[katielouise3]

@Notmany is obviously a man,

OP you don't have to take this shit, and you deserve better. Leave him, he sounds vile. Manipulative and controlling, and a general twat.

[TTEA]

@Notmany if you were really hoping for a particular sex act and your partner had been indicating that it was on the cards but then changed their mind and whilst you were having sex without that act started asking you questions about how great it was for you how would you feel?

I personally don't buy this. I've changed my mind about giving a blow job a couple of times. Just didn't fancy it. DP didn't moan about it, to be honest he was more than happy with the fact that his partner who he loves was happy that he has someone he can have sex with on the regular! He didn't go out of his way to make a comment that would clearly make me feel inadequate for not putting his dick in my mouth.

[katielouise3]

What is with men and wanting ANAL anyway? So it's 'nice and tight,' and feels good for him, and to hell with how uncomfortable it is for (most) women!'

[Watda]

Thanks for the responses.

To the PP who doesn’t think this is real - sadly it is. If you have any doubts, report it and MN will confirm that I am a long time poster and member. I know it’s the school holidays but I think if I was looking to troll my story would be a bit more juicy don’t you?

To notmany if I’d been hoping for a particular sex act and my boyfriend changed his mind I’d accept that. Particularly when it comes to an act which can be painful if you’re not in the mood.

I don’t know why I asked it. Probably because he was looking like he wasn’t enjoying it. It takes a lot for me to get on top and he always said that was one of his favourite positions. Now he says he doesn’t really like it and he only does it because I like it. I don’t like it particularly.

I have spoken to him. He asked me when my ‘period craziness’ would be over and told me not to sulk all weekend.

[LizzieSiddal]

My boyfriend and I were in bed last night and he had been expecting to have some back door action. I wasn’t up for that and he kept joking I had promised him it and that I couldn’t renege on my promise.

“Couldn’t renege on my promise”.

Any man who says that to you, in bed is waving a big red flag. Listen to him, he’s telling you who he is. (A nasty bastard)

[LizzieSiddal]

Why are you with him? Seriously he’s horrible.

Do you live together? Have dc?

[Radardetector]

you were really hoping for a particular sex act and your partner had been indicating that it was on the cards but then changed their mind and whilst you were having sex without that act started asking you questions about how great it was for you how would you feel?

This infers that sex isn't enjoyable for him without anal.

Which is what twatty men say to get women to do anal.

[katielouise3]

I had a partner once who I was having PIV sex with, and he pulled out and tried to shove it in my mouth (before he ejaculated.) I did not want his semen in my mouth, OR to have my mouth full of 'me down there,' so I said 'no! stop it!' He went off in a huge sulk, finished himself off in the bathroom, and didn't speak to me for the rest of the day.

When I said 'WTF is wrong?' he just said 'nothing!' and walked away.

Horrible, manipulative, controlling behavior, and some men DO behave like this. Don't get their own way? Go into a massive, passive aggressive sulk and make you feel like shit for the rest of the day. I had entire weekends (and even some whole weeks) ruined by my ex, and his passive aggressive controlling manipulative behaviour. That's why I left in the end,

[Ooforfoxsakeridesagain]

You’re feelings are of no consequence OP.

Get over it.

(That’s what I’m hearing anyway. This is a massive red flag flapping wildly in your face. He’s not a partner, a lover or a decent man. There are better men).

[TheJeff]

Sounds like he was just disappointed with not getting what he wanted aka he was having a bitch fit

[Rosemary46]

The more you say about him the worse he sounds.

[Nononannette]

He's just gettting worse isn't he? Is this a long term thing/any dcs that would make it hard for you to not only "sulk" all weekend, but spend the time packing up his stuff?

[Hangingaroundtheportal]

A lot of people reading into two letters on here.

Nope. Also the fact that he was being a dick about her changing her mind about anal.

if you were really hoping for a particular sex act and your partner had been indicating that it was on the cards but then changed their mind and whilst you were having sex without that act started asking you questions about how great it was for you how would you feel?

A particular sex act? Oh fucking diddums - 'she said I could stick my dick up her bum hole and now she is saying I can't, despite best efforts to try and get her to do it, even though its clear she doesn't want to, but we are still having sex and she is on top of me doing her best to ensure I am having a good time AND I'M JUST SOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING HARD DONE BY, IT'S SOOOOOOOOO UNFAIR'.

Fuck off.

[KateMcD451]

What everyone else said. Also, the fact that women can't be upset without it being our "time of the month" gets me raging My DP said this to me once and I asked him what his excuse was then and told him what I thought of that comment and he never said it again

[Themerrygoroundoflife]

He sounds horrible. I sincerely hope he isn’t like this all the time. Attempting to coerce you into a sex act you don’t want to do is really low.

[Quartz2208]

OP really look through what your boyfriend is telling you that your period craziness is stopping you putting his wants and needs first even qt the expense of your pain

[katielouise3]

@Watda pay no attention to @Notmany ... He is clearly a man.

[Notmany]

Sorry but I'm just not seeing the part where this man is moaning about it and constantly pressuring the OP.

They had a discussion about it, she said no, they didn't do it, she asked him a question in the middle of sex and didn't get an answer she was hoping for and is upset. I question why she asked the question in the first place because it just sounds like a set up to fail to me.

I am most definitely a woman!

[Biologifemini]

Ask him if he prefers it through the back door? Thought not.
What are his parents like? Sounds like he has been taught much about sex or how to make someone feel good.