Is my H To be abusive?

[lilisabeth]

Hi, I don't know who to talk to about this because sometimes I feel that I'm losing contact with reality. I met my boyfriend 8 months ago, it was a dream he was the man I always wanted, caring, loving, generous, he was ready for a relationship and was looking forward to move together.. I must say I am a very independent woman, I lived sometime by myself, I like to spend time with my friends and family... well, after 6 months together he asked me the question, and I said yes! But I asked him to live together first for sometime and see how things were going for us before setting up a date. We moved together, to his house, he has high standards about his space ( I am not messy or unclean) but it makes make feel paranoid about cleaning the oven, open the windows etc, I'm starting to get tired of all these.. plus he is always waiting for me at home, depressed and wants me to put up with all his emotional insecurities, in the last months we didn't do anything fun together.. we basically talk about house rules, I can see he never goes out, whilst I have a group of friends he is always expecting me to be at home with him.. to add to the mix- 4 weeks ago I took one of his special knives to open a sausage package and he stormed off: he went on screaming at me: what don't you get about not using that knives??! What don't you fucking get? He kept on asking me IM FUCKING ASKING YOU A QUESTION until I (that was eating on the sofa) couldn't believe my ears and burst to cry , went upstairs to bedroom, he came and I thought he was going to say sorry ( oh silly me!!) he said to me: go downstairs and pick up for f* plate , don't you think I'm going to clean after you.

This episode worries me a lot, and since then he is accusing me of stupid things, if I hug him in the morning with his suit on , he push me back because I'm creasing it ..he leaves the house without a word and call me after to say he is not having breakfast and he is in the rain because of me and my mood( obviously I was upset after he didn't want to hug me).. he blame all me for everything , last weekend I decided not to talk to get sure not get into a rant
I am not sure about this wedding, I am blaming myself about feeling irritable about his obsessions bout the house... not sure what can I do.

He’s got serious issues , please leave him before he makes it into your issue . You can’t help him .

It s just stuff.

Stay away for a week no contact.
Then go round with a friend or police to puck your things.

Well done OP, you DID sense it wasn't right, your judgement was sound and you took action to look after yourself. You can trust yourself I think - you should be really proud of yourself. Round of applause for you!!

Well done for leaving.

I was in a similar situation when my mum left her partner - she called the police and they supervised/made sure we safely got access to pick up our things and go.

Well done for ending it. He's a lunatic in every sense of the way.

Who would want to marry him. Have you met his family?

He has serious issues.

SO MANY RED FLAGS! This man sounds like a complete maniac, I would leace asap and please don't feel sorry for him and go back!

Take Police to colkect your stuff. Do not tell him where you are going. Block him on phone, email, messenger, Twitter EVERYTHING.. any mutual friends block also on Facebook etc. He sounds scary...

Made me think of 'Sleeping With The Enemy ' too.

Definitely speak to the police, you have a key so hopefully they will agree to accompany you to collect your belongings.

lucky escape!

The police will "authorise" you. Not letting you get your stuff is stealing.

This sounds incredibly scary OP. Please do not consider ever going back, it will only get worse. I hope you have spoken to police.

It works the other way round. Friend had to ask for police to supervise when her abusive stbexh came to the house to collect his stuff

Well done on getting out before you were trapped.

This is absolute danger time for you. Act like your life is in danger because statistically it is.

Block him on everything. Do it. Don’t engage. You have nothing to say to each other now.

Get the police or a trusted strong friend to get your possessions. Wait in the car. You might not get everything. He will hide stuff to try to use it later to get contact. Ignore this. Small price to pay.

You are not at fault. But you need to understand he is dangerous and he is in a panic right now. He will beg, threaten, cajole, make up crises, be enraged, berate you and continue fucking with you if you don’t cut him off from contacting you.

You can get through this. Well done on working this out so fast.

He sounds awful he is controlling and abusive. Plus 8 months into the relationship is a massive red flag for this type of behaviour

How are you today OP?

Speak to the police about having someone with you to collect your stuff. They'll often send a PCSO with you :)

Your instincts are in full working order, you insisted on living together you knew it wasn't right and came looking for advice and you got out. Really bloody well done.

You have just met one of life's twisted, controlling and terrifying characters. Look like normal people, seem to be especially charming and kind people at first but underneath completely toxic and soul destroying.

My instincts were ignored when I met mine and married him, twenty years on I am putting myself back together and trying to make sense of it and peace with it.

So very pleased for you that you have more sense, be careful now but be really, really proud of yourself

How are you doing, OP? X

Regarding him saying you aren't authorised.
My friend was in this position. What she did was tell the police and then she went when he wasn't in and got her stuff. If he'd complained to the police they already had a heads up and would tell him there was no criminal offence committed.

He's absolutely horrible and you found do lovely. Well done in taking this massive step. I agree go to the police about how to get your stuff. Tell them he has been controlling and you are scared. Don't go on your own, whatever you do. Then block him and don't ever met on where you are. He's totally unhinged and you need to be smart xx

Don't ever let* on

Cancel the wedding and leave - it may seem difficult now but it will be even harder later.

Ignore that last post; I missed a page.

All his exes were bitches, were they? And now he hates you too? There's one facter all these (presumably) women have in common: him. Absolutely don't feel that this is your fault, at all; it's all on him.

Well done for getting out when you did.

So good to hear a post from someone who got out before it was more difficult or before worse happened.