Is my H To be abusive?

[lilisabeth]

Hi, I don't know who to talk to about this because sometimes I feel that I'm losing contact with reality. I met my boyfriend 8 months ago, it was a dream he was the man I always wanted, caring, loving, generous, he was ready for a relationship and was looking forward to move together.. I must say I am a very independent woman, I lived sometime by myself, I like to spend time with my friends and family... well, after 6 months together he asked me the question, and I said yes! But I asked him to live together first for sometime and see how things were going for us before setting up a date. We moved together, to his house, he has high standards about his space ( I am not messy or unclean) but it makes make feel paranoid about cleaning the oven, open the windows etc, I'm starting to get tired of all these.. plus he is always waiting for me at home, depressed and wants me to put up with all his emotional insecurities, in the last months we didn't do anything fun together.. we basically talk about house rules, I can see he never goes out, whilst I have a group of friends he is always expecting me to be at home with him.. to add to the mix- 4 weeks ago I took one of his special knives to open a sausage package and he stormed off: he went on screaming at me: what don't you get about not using that knives??! What don't you fucking get? He kept on asking me IM FUCKING ASKING YOU A QUESTION until I (that was eating on the sofa) couldn't believe my ears and burst to cry , went upstairs to bedroom, he came and I thought he was going to say sorry ( oh silly me!!) he said to me: go downstairs and pick up for f* plate , don't you think I'm going to clean after you.

This episode worries me a lot, and since then he is accusing me of stupid things, if I hug him in the morning with his suit on , he push me back because I'm creasing it ..he leaves the house without a word and call me after to say he is not having breakfast and he is in the rain because of me and my mood( obviously I was upset after he didn't want to hug me).. he blame all me for everything , last weekend I decided not to talk to get sure not get into a rant
I am not sure about this wedding, I am blaming myself about feeling irritable about his obsessions bout the house... not sure what can I do.

Get out and do it today.

Your life will be hell if you stay with him.

hi, I just want to tell you what happened yesterday.
I left this morning after another crazy night, he was talking about someone at work and he said something like : I told him not to waste my time " and I just make a comment .. like "oh dear that was a bit rude" .. and that was it, from there he took it at me , that I was the one that was rude the other day with him, leaving him alone with my friends, and I didn't pay attention to him( which maybe I do now because I need a fresh conversation and friends around ..) he went on and on and he went to sleep to the other bed ( this is actually happening every other night) he tries to punish me that way.
This morning he wasn't at home and I received a long voice text about how dissapointed he is with me , how I am destroying our relationship... I feel alienated , it's crazy how you see someone to be the sweetest person to this crazy personality.
So that's it! I called him to say that I'm not coming back home today .. I'll stay with friends. What really disappoints me the most is that I don't believe in my instincts no in myself anymore..? But I know this is crazy! I just left that house forever... will think about my stuff later.
thanks everyone

Im glad you’re safe. He sounds a sandwich short of a picnic with a very short fuse! Please don’t go and get your stuff alone. He sounds dangerous.

He is bat-shit.
Well done on getting out.
I'd block him for now so you can have a peaceful weekend with no interruptions.
When you are ready you can tell him when you are getting your stuff.
However, I think he might just pack it up and throw it out anyway.
It's hard to trust yourself when you've been with someone like this.
But trust yourself and trust your instincts!

So pleased you're out and away!

If you need yo get stuff, please take a couple of people with you.

You finally had enough of the bullshit. Good for you x

Good for you. Please don't go back. Can someone else collect your stuff?

Good for you OP. And you are so lucky to have somewhere to go.

Well done op. I think as part of making sense of what you have been through it would be crucial to do the freedom programme. It's for women who have come out of abusive relationships and will help you to be more aware of abusive men like your ex in the future. You can google it or maybe someone can link it.

So pleased for you.

Good for you! That’s incredibly hard to do and you are so strong. Don’t look back, you deserve SO much more.

Remember they’re only possessions. If you feel your life is in danger please don’t hurry back for them all.

Good luck for the future!

Well done! You have done amazing to get out of this situation. I know you don't trust your instincts but they will come back. It's just because he has slowly, cleverly, subtly manipulated you. Now it's time to look after yourself and bit by bit your confidence will come back. Please don't ever go back to him. I have a feeling he will try to apologise, beg, coerce you back. Please don't fall for it. Stay strong

Well done

Just know he will be furious, or, beg, promise, sob, offer to get help, counselling, you name it......
It's the script.
Be strong.
Lucky Escape

Great news, OP, well done. Get a friend to help you collect your stuff at some point, but for now just enjoy a weekend without that awful man to worry about.

Well done! Do get your stuff soon, but don't go alone, he seems completely unstable.

So pleased you're out & safe. Agree with the others to take a friend when you go to collect your stuff as he sounds unhinged (& could be dangerous).

He sounds like a psycho.

He love bombed you at the start of the relationship.

So glad you got away from him, please stay away from him.

Phew.
Chalk this one up to experience and don't go to get your stuff on your own.

Thanks for your advice, I will search for that program. I really need to see the light, I know I'm right but so difficult to believe in myself now.
He is now playing , we are jumping now from Im in the hospital alone, please I need you.. to you are the worst thing ever happen to me. This is draining me but just another week, will try to agree to pick up my stuff this Monday but he warned me already: I'm not authorised to use he key and I'm not authorised ( that's his exact word) to come with anyone at all. I'm fucking scared now, I might not even pick it up

Stick to your guns and well done for being so strong. Don't let him guilt trip you into going back to him. How dare he tell you what you are "authorised" to do, what a dick, who on earth does he think he is?! He obviously pulled the same trick on his exes who he blamed for "leaving him while he was in hospital" - he genuinely believes nobody has the right to disagree with him or leave him, doesn't he? He sounds crazy. I hope you have good friends to support you, don't face him alone. Get all the backup you need. And well done again!

Either call WA or the police to get advice and someone to accompany you to pick up your stuff.

He sounds like he wants to make sure you come alone and that sounds incredibly scary.l

Fuck authorisation! He is not the boss of you.

What have you got at his house?

Run

Agreed. Speak to the police, they will help you.

lilisabeth well done for realising you need to get out, and acting on it.

As others have said, the police will help. (I once had to help a friend move out from a place with a nutty landlady - the landlady wouldn't let her in to get her stuff. We called the police and they couldn't have been nicer - stood there looking big and imposing while we gathered everything up and left.)