Is my H To be abusive?

[lilisabeth]

Hi, I don't know who to talk to about this because sometimes I feel that I'm losing contact with reality. I met my boyfriend 8 months ago, it was a dream he was the man I always wanted, caring, loving, generous, he was ready for a relationship and was looking forward to move together.. I must say I am a very independent woman, I lived sometime by myself, I like to spend time with my friends and family... well, after 6 months together he asked me the question, and I said yes! But I asked him to live together first for sometime and see how things were going for us before setting up a date. We moved together, to his house, he has high standards about his space ( I am not messy or unclean) but it makes make feel paranoid about cleaning the oven, open the windows etc, I'm starting to get tired of all these.. plus he is always waiting for me at home, depressed and wants me to put up with all his emotional insecurities, in the last months we didn't do anything fun together.. we basically talk about house rules, I can see he never goes out, whilst I have a group of friends he is always expecting me to be at home with him.. to add to the mix- 4 weeks ago I took one of his special knives to open a sausage package and he stormed off: he went on screaming at me: what don't you get about not using that knives??! What don't you fucking get? He kept on asking me IM FUCKING ASKING YOU A QUESTION until I (that was eating on the sofa) couldn't believe my ears and burst to cry , went upstairs to bedroom, he came and I thought he was going to say sorry ( oh silly me!!) he said to me: go downstairs and pick up for f* plate , don't you think I'm going to clean after you.

This episode worries me a lot, and since then he is accusing me of stupid things, if I hug him in the morning with his suit on , he push me back because I'm creasing it ..he leaves the house without a word and call me after to say he is not having breakfast and he is in the rain because of me and my mood( obviously I was upset after he didn't want to hug me).. he blame all me for everything , last weekend I decided not to talk to get sure not get into a rant
I am not sure about this wedding, I am blaming myself about feeling irritable about his obsessions bout the house... not sure what can I do.

Absolutely abusive. Run like the wind. It will only get worse.

OMG you need to leave asap. Can you do it without him knowing as he sounds like he could get dangerous.
His obsession with the house and not going out is all about control. My friends daughter left with all her stuff when he was at work. You don't owe him an explanation or anything.
If you choose to stay he will get worse. You will end up isolated with no friends. You will be spending your life running about trying to please him. No.
Now you know what he's like the balls in your court and you need to find the courage to leave. As you've only known him eight months it shouldn't be too hard.
Have you anywhere to go? Back to friends or family?
Thank god you found out. DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN.

I know you are right, he is excusing his behaviour in saying that I'm always irritable when I get home( sure I am, I find my partner sitting in the sofa with no lights saying how difficult his life is) nad this happens a lot, anything related to the house cause stress and he never says sorry, just expect me to understand. I have a bit of temper but NEVER talk to him in a bad way , just find things annoying with the bloody house.. I am processing all this .. I know I'm not happy

Just R.I.B, OP.

Run. Ignore. Block.

8 months in should still be honeymoon period. Id call it off. You did the right thing asking for living together before commiting legally, so now you see what hes like. Its a non starter

No there are no excuses and don't fall into the trap of blaming yourself.
Sitting in the dark and moaning is not normal behaviour. He is playing the victim to suck you into feeling sorry for him.
You have to take responsibility for yourself and leave him. You were so right to live together first. The incident with the knife is very scary and the fact he was ordering you about and shouting is horrific. Imagine if you did something very wrong in his eyes what would he do then?

He honestly sounds like he has a mental disorder. Leave asap.

Run for the hills.

The intensity so early on was a red flag.

Feckers, there’s no need for mental health prejudice!

Get out. Now. Run.

Blimey! You have had a narrow escape - I imagine divorcing him would be a nightmare.

You know you have to leave him. He's absolutely unhinged. Where can you go to? Do you still have your own place? Are your parents nearby? I think you should get out as fast as you can, BUT I'd recommend you have a couple of friends/relatives with you when you do, or do it when he's at work, because he won't make it easy for you.

How much stuff do you have there?

A thousand red flags flapping around this one!

He sounds obsessive and controlling and a bit odd! Do not marry him!!!

What do your friends and family think of him?

Notice how your life is now taken up with worrying about him and his reactions instead of being the fun loving you with lots of friends and family. Take care of you and leave him without him knowing then block.
You know you should. It will just get worse. Voice of experience here.
Don't be me looking back knowing you should have left 20 years ago.

Fucking hell, run.
Marry him and you're a fool.

My family and friends think he is a shy, well educated , that loves me, the perfect guy with a perfect house, a perfect job .. but I'm really unhappy it seems like we are talking different languages. I am pushing the wedding back because I can see clearly that's not a good idea.. I will go back to my previous flat, I can't breath in this house

You've been there 8 weeks, get the fuck out now.

You don't need this shit in your life.

Your family and friends presumably don’t know how he’s been treating you.

Being shy is fine. Having no friends or rarely going out - alone or with friends - is a potential red flag.

Yes

Great, you have somewhere to live? Move out immediately!

@lilisabeth please leave. Eventually walking on egg shells will wear you down and you might not have the strength to leave. Do it now whilst you can.

Watch sleeping with the enemy.Seriously

What everyone else says above.

Well done for living with him first so you get the reality of what he is like. Be very grateful he has shown his true colours. Do not try to fix him. Just run. And do not allow him to persuade you otherwise. If you falter just try to imagine the future if you stay with him. Without your friends - because they will disappear eventually once he alienates them from you.

I agree with everyone else. Get out now.

This man is controlling, abusive and weird. He will only get worse.

Get out and get far.

There are so many red flags in your post!
And you know what? Even if he wasn't controlling and abusive(which he is) all these rules and shrine house would still be stifling and claustrophobic.
If he is like this 8 months in and 8 weeks of living together he will get even worse after marriage. He stopped pretending as soon as you said yes. And he will escalate.

Contd...

Any if anyone questions why you left him, tell them about the knife episode and tell them exactly how he spoke to you.

Don’t even do your laces up.
Go.