Is my H To be abusive?

[lilisabeth]

Hi, I don't know who to talk to about this because sometimes I feel that I'm losing contact with reality. I met my boyfriend 8 months ago, it was a dream he was the man I always wanted, caring, loving, generous, he was ready for a relationship and was looking forward to move together.. I must say I am a very independent woman, I lived sometime by myself, I like to spend time with my friends and family... well, after 6 months together he asked me the question, and I said yes! But I asked him to live together first for sometime and see how things were going for us before setting up a date. We moved together, to his house, he has high standards about his space ( I am not messy or unclean) but it makes make feel paranoid about cleaning the oven, open the windows etc, I'm starting to get tired of all these.. plus he is always waiting for me at home, depressed and wants me to put up with all his emotional insecurities, in the last months we didn't do anything fun together.. we basically talk about house rules, I can see he never goes out, whilst I have a group of friends he is always expecting me to be at home with him.. to add to the mix- 4 weeks ago I took one of his special knives to open a sausage package and he stormed off: he went on screaming at me: what don't you get about not using that knives??! What don't you fucking get? He kept on asking me IM FUCKING ASKING YOU A QUESTION until I (that was eating on the sofa) couldn't believe my ears and burst to cry , went upstairs to bedroom, he came and I thought he was going to say sorry ( oh silly me!!) he said to me: go downstairs and pick up for f* plate , don't you think I'm going to clean after you.

This episode worries me a lot, and since then he is accusing me of stupid things, if I hug him in the morning with his suit on , he push me back because I'm creasing it ..he leaves the house without a word and call me after to say he is not having breakfast and he is in the rain because of me and my mood( obviously I was upset after he didn't want to hug me).. he blame all me for everything , last weekend I decided not to talk to get sure not get into a rant
I am not sure about this wedding, I am blaming myself about feeling irritable about his obsessions bout the house... not sure what can I do.

100% agree with everyone else. You deserve so much better.

Get out now before you’re trapped.

It is not often that you get consensus on a thread but this thread of yours is unanimous in its opinion.

You were targeted by this predatory abusive loser and deliberately so; he saw in you a strong and independent woman to break down to his base level so lovebombed you. Its not your fault he is the ways he is; you did not make him that way.

Read this too:-

www.drjoecarver.com/clients/49355/File/IdentifyingLosers.html

You need to get away from him and go back to your own property. He needs to be totally out your life now.

Thank your lucky stars it is only 8 months and you have no DC!

Don't postpone the wedding, cancel it and leave.

I echo what everyone else said. You are a smart woman. You suggested living together first, that has saved you. Get out now and don't look back. He's 100% abusive.

Please leave now. This is not going to end well otherwise. Take care x

Seriously get out of this relationship and quick

Leave today.

You must leave this abusive man before things get worse for you. I can't believe you have to ask.

RUN !!! Literally finish this by the end of the week. This time next week you can be free. Tell your friends and family what you are going to do and just say it’s serious that they don’t contact him - and get them to help move you out, you can explain everything to them later.

Good god what a horrid experience - he sounds awful!!!!! 8 months is supposed to be the sweet honeymoon phase. He will only get worse and worse, he sounds very dangerous.

Please run, do not marry, do not have children with this terrorizer, do not have contact with him.

If I could I would come and pack for you - take note of all this good advice. You must leave this relationship and quickly.

Abuse or not I wouldn’t want to marry someone who is going to be overly hung up and perfectionist about our shared living space. Human love can’t conquer everything, it can’t conquer being constantly ground down into the dust for not living up to impossible standards. You need to be able to relax at home, to feel safe and comfortable. Don’t yolk yourself to someone who doesn’t or can’t understand that need.

Thank goodness you have your own home and no kids. It's much easier to leave. I think you need a friend with you while you pack your stuff in case he turns nasty.

Don't postpone..cancel.the wedding and get yourself away.now.
Do not feel.sorry for him
Do not tell him until you are safely away
Do not say anything other than
"It isn't working for me. It is over"

Does he know where you live and work? Warn them.
Doors locked and call 999 if he comes bangingon the door
Change mobile or block.

I am pushing the wedding back because I can see clearly that's not a good idea

Don’t push the wedding back! Cancel it altogether. DO NOT marry this man.

If he starts being tearful and begging you to give him another chance- IGNORE! It’s just another manipulation game of trying to control you.

Run. And run FAST.

He is projecting all of his insecurity onto you. He is at best, incredibly emotionally damaged and at worst he is a full blown abuser.

Your post reads like the screaming triggered an increase in the accusations. This is because he got away with it. He is feeling pretty confident he can go full force with projection. The aim of this to make you feel like all the negative things about him.

Run now. Do not look back.

Good lord..why would you even consider marrying this uptight joy-sucker? What on earth would he bring to your life that's positive? I'd bail out and be happy to be free of him, you couldn't pay me to put up with this bullshit in the 1 life we have.

He's a no good aggressive bore and you'd be mad to waste your life on that. He's not even hiding what he is - if you marry him it's agreement for him to up the ante with his piss poor behaviour as he'll know you married him despite it.

I wouldn't be surprised if other women have run a mile away from this oddbod before you arrived due to these tendencies, even if he's given you some sob story about them.

Pack your bags and run for the hills. What a freak.

Get out now and do not believe him when: he promises to change
Tells you that you are problem
Says he is going to kill himself.

CANCEL the wedding. There must be NO wedding, regardless of what your 'friends' may think of him.

Go back to your own flat - this relationship is over.

And next time - wait a LOT longer than 6 months before even thinking about marriage.

Op op your post rang such alarm bells, he IS abusive....leave, cancel the wedding and block him.

Find someone nice.

Get out and don’t look back other than to thank your lucky stars!!

You owe him nothing.

Yes you are probably right- all his stories about the exes are , "they were all bitches", they left him when he was in hospital"- he does that to me now is like a constant proof of attention, he is always ill, never feeling well , went to hospital a couple of times( not sure if it's own emotional stress that causes him this). I will be soon another of those bitchy exes. Thanks all

What a waste of your life if you stay with this man

Glad to hear you're going to be an ex!