Is my H To be abusive?

[lilisabeth]

Hi, I don't know who to talk to about this because sometimes I feel that I'm losing contact with reality. I met my boyfriend 8 months ago, it was a dream he was the man I always wanted, caring, loving, generous, he was ready for a relationship and was looking forward to move together.. I must say I am a very independent woman, I lived sometime by myself, I like to spend time with my friends and family... well, after 6 months together he asked me the question, and I said yes! But I asked him to live together first for sometime and see how things were going for us before setting up a date. We moved together, to his house, he has high standards about his space ( I am not messy or unclean) but it makes make feel paranoid about cleaning the oven, open the windows etc, I'm starting to get tired of all these.. plus he is always waiting for me at home, depressed and wants me to put up with all his emotional insecurities, in the last months we didn't do anything fun together.. we basically talk about house rules, I can see he never goes out, whilst I have a group of friends he is always expecting me to be at home with him.. to add to the mix- 4 weeks ago I took one of his special knives to open a sausage package and he stormed off: he went on screaming at me: what don't you get about not using that knives??! What don't you fucking get? He kept on asking me IM FUCKING ASKING YOU A QUESTION until I (that was eating on the sofa) couldn't believe my ears and burst to cry , went upstairs to bedroom, he came and I thought he was going to say sorry ( oh silly me!!) he said to me: go downstairs and pick up for f* plate , don't you think I'm going to clean after you.

This episode worries me a lot, and since then he is accusing me of stupid things, if I hug him in the morning with his suit on , he push me back because I'm creasing it ..he leaves the house without a word and call me after to say he is not having breakfast and he is in the rain because of me and my mood( obviously I was upset after he didn't want to hug me).. he blame all me for everything , last weekend I decided not to talk to get sure not get into a rant
I am not sure about this wedding, I am blaming myself about feeling irritable about his obsessions bout the house... not sure what can I do.

Yes agree with all Pp, get out while you can!! Good luck

Get out of that relationship!

You may be surprised to find that many of your friends are not surprised when you tell them he is abusive. I moved in with a man like this after a few months - 15 years ago now. When I finally plucked up the courage to leave him after about a year of his shit, about six of my friends were straight round with their cars to help me move out. They were nothing but relieved.

the perfect guy with a perfect house, a perfect job

Perfection is over rated trying to keep it up creates misery.
You need

the fun guy with a fun house and a fun job.

Just be grateful you didn't marry him. Start running.

So pleased for you that you've decided to leave him. I think that's an excellent decision

Your old life sounded lovely. Go back to it

Better to be a bitchy ex in his eyes than an abused wife...

Is no one thinking of the film: Sleeping With the Enemy here?

Do not postpone, just cancel and RUN

So glad you've seen the light before marriage. Get out asap!

stellavisionandunderstanding
Yes - it was mentioned somehere on page 2 of the thread.

I think you'd be really very stupid to marry this guy.

I'm so glad you're going to leave this miserable controlling man. Is it any wonder he has no friends? And as for calling his exes bitches, that in itself is a red flag. Good men don't feel the need to slag off their exes. They accept that some relationships were never going to work and they still respect that person.

The sitting in the dark on the sofa thing... he sounds seriously unhinged. Get away from him please op. Don't have a conversation about ending it because men like him can turn nasty and violent. Just pack your stuff and leave. Or just leave and ask family or friends to pick up your stuff. Nothing is more important than your safety.

Good luck op.

yes exactly as others said

do not tell him you are leaving

stay away
tell him over the phone

and get your stuff when he is not around

i was almost murdered when my psycho ex knew that i was thinking of leaving

gosh what a loser - you will find someone decent
you do not need this utter nonsense

He sounds like a fucking psychopath. How are you going to leave?

@lilisabeth, are you ok and safe this morning?

He sounds like he has issues, don't push the wedding back, cancel the bloody thing.

You're very lucky you've seen this now. Do you want this for the rest of your life? LEAVE. he's insane, the abuse will only escalate.

I'm so relieved you have your flat still.

How hard will it be to get out? Can you do it in one day?

He sounds like a joyless controlling arse. He will grind you down. Life's too short x

8 months is no time at all to be moving in with someone or marrying them.

You really don't get to know somebody for a good year at least.

Yanbu to not want this relationship.

It gets worse.

Listen to me very carefully: IT GETS WORSE.

If this is him at 8 months then I am telling you now, there is more to come. Do not kid yourself that it will get better. Do not fall into the trap of thinking that if you just do XYZ differently then everything will be ok. I can promise you, nothing you do will ever be good enough and you will end up in a constant cycle of self doubt until you have absolutely no self esteem left.

Anyone with lots of ‘crazy’ exes should be given a wide berth. It is almost a certainty that the ex was NOT the problem in any of those situations!

I don’t know whether you want children but if you do, imagine having them with this man. You will be back here in a few years saying ‘my husband screamed at our toddler because she left a toy on the floor, is it my fault?’

Please do get out.

I am pushing the wedding back

Can't believe you actually wrote that. The ONLY thing to do is cancel it altogether and do not see this man EVER again.

Bloody hell

Are you safe?