Awful holiday

[Farontothemaddingcrowd]

Help me get through this please. I have come on holiday with a friend and her son. I have 3 DC. I'm a week into a two week holiday and it's just awful. She spends all day telling me what to do, where we should go, what we should eat and pressuring me to spend money when she knows I'm trying to keep to a budget. I wanted to chill out just with my kids one day and she accused me of lacking respect and decency because I didn't want to put a towel over my head in a rainstorm to meet her in a bar.
It's just relentless. I'm spending time with her all day and finding it so stressful. She snaps at me and my kids and then she wants to sit up at night drinking and gets so offended if i want an early night.
Last night I said 'I'll just have a glass of wine in this next place and head back as I'm a bit tired.'
She snapped 'why do you have to plan everything? You're on holiday. Go with the flow. You might want more than one glass of wine. I can't relax, I'm on holiday.'
I feel like I can't speak as it will be wrong. I would love to cut ties but our other friend is arriving for the final week and I don't want to make it awkward for her.
I also hate confrontation and have an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. I want to go home

She hasn't messaged today. I don't want to message her. Other friend is arriving this afternoon so will grab a bite to eat with her.

I bet she is already waiting for your friend to turn up, stood waiting by reception to pull her off somewhere and turn her against you! 🤣

Book some excursions etc for you and your children but DO NOT tell her. If she asks to meet up that day then you have an easy get out excuse and hopefully it will be too late for her to book on and join you

I expect she's ready and waiting to moan to your mutual friend about how mean you're being to her. I wouldn't worry about upsetting her OP, she clearly has no idea of the logistics of dealing with 3 kids rather than her 1 . Enjoy your final week

I wonder if she’s on mn and has read this thread?! She would for sure know it’s you!

Eek, don't let this turn into each of you avoiding each other and poor friend 3 caught in between.

I'd be tempted to suggest meeting up for dinner or something and make it clear that you don't want to avoid her all hol (unless you do now?). You just want a bit of family time too.

I've done that. I've told nasty friend that I'm meeting mutual friend for dinner tonight if she would like to join us. So she is. I think that is the best way as I would never make things awkward for mutual friend.

Poshpenny if she has read it, she might recognize that she has been very pushy.

I had a friend like this. So bossy and rude and pushy. She kept trying to force me to go on holiday with her and our kids, she earns 30k and I earn 9k. Both single parents. She wanted something to look forward to and to go abroad. I kept saying no I can't afford it but she was insistent.
This combined with many other instances of rudeness and spite disguised as 'you know I'm only joking' meant that in the end I completely cut out friendship dead.
She was devastated and cried to all our mutual friends who seemed to think I was a bitch for dumping her.
None of them had her be rude or spiteful to them. I think those people look for people who they can behave like this towards.
I hate confrontation and am crap with boundaries and defending myself and she knew this.
So glad we never went on the Holiday and so glad I got her out of our lives

Sorry that was forevername. It's a v recognisable scenario.

Ha! My boss likes to tell people where to sit and stand. Sign of a colossal control freak. If we walk in a restaurant and I drift towards a particular table even if he's said "where shall we sit" he always over rules and chooses somewhere else!

Fortunately I only see him in short bursts bless him.

I hope you manage to stick to your guns OP. I can be a bit of a doormat at times because I don’t want to offend people so O totally sympathise

Sounds like a nightmare op, the way I see it is her attitude and you bending over is making for a shit holiday.

So standing your ground might not get a great reaction(same as not doing so) but atleast you get what you want and can enjoy the rest of your holiday. She can't walk all over you if you don't let her.

Small thing but that "come for 15 minutes " bullshit would really piss me off. As if she's going to be satisfied with that!

Op I'm sure 3rd person has arrived and things have taken a new turn, but you could look at it as being cruel to be kind. By saying "I'd like to but...." "I could come by myself" etc you are ending up giving her hope that you'll change your mind, she's a cf and therefore think that's the amber light she can turn green when you really mean a definite red!! So you need to use firm statements, with no open ended ness.

I had a dreadful friend holiday once, it was all the bossiness and hints it drove me mad. We did have very different expectations to one another and I have learnt my lesson. Now I am more selective about who I go on holiday with and that they are open communicative people and I know we have more in common (relaxed not forced activities)

Agree with not being wet and making excuses. Hopefully she has got the message

‘Confrontation’ IME seems to be made worse by one party being pushy and the other party being wishy washy. The excuses come across as odd so the other person pushes knowing they can probably break the other one down. It’s actually less confrontational to be up front immediately, because it cuts out all the back and forth that feels so awkward

I equally hate being pushed but also people making crap sounding excuses that mean you have to try read between the lines

I totally agree the friend is pushy and being very annoying but your responses are very mixed

You are so like my friend who texts in a very similar way. When she texts it reads like a maybe that could be persuaded to a yes. But she’s just being too nice and she gets herself into all sorts of ridiculous situations where she hasn’t been able to assert herself. And I have to day as someone on the receiving end of it it’s INFURIATING. Just say what you want, it is so much easier all round.

Good luck for the rest of your holiday and you get a little more confidence to deal with her.

I agree that having to second guess what an ambiguous friend wants is as hard as dealing with a friend who tries to boss everyone around with her clearly stated requirements!

Is there any chance you fit the former description at all, if you search deep?

Any update? How were things when you met up with your other friend? X

I said I wanted a chilled day so that was not ambiguous and most people wouldn't push and push. It was better with our other friend. The new friend is much more assertive than I am and didn't have another drink when pushed, so that was good to see.

She also apologised and gave me a hug saying she didn't mean to be horrible and she had reflected on it. I still want to go home but I think it's more manageable now.

I holidayed with an "I don't mind" friend and it was bloody annoying. There was a whole thread recently on how annoying wet I don't mind types are as they leave all the thinking to others.

Its good to be clear, firm and polite about what you want to do. I think often people (mainly women) think its "nice" not to have any opinions and it can lead to resentment and misunderstanding.

Ok, it does sound like you made yourself clear.

And I’m glad she reflected and apologised. See if she follows that up with a change in behaviour!

But I didn't say 'I don't mind.'
I said 'I want to chill out with the kids'

you also couches it in a lot of maybe ish waffle.