Awful holiday

[Farontothemaddingcrowd]

Help me get through this please. I have come on holiday with a friend and her son. I have 3 DC. I'm a week into a two week holiday and it's just awful. She spends all day telling me what to do, where we should go, what we should eat and pressuring me to spend money when she knows I'm trying to keep to a budget. I wanted to chill out just with my kids one day and she accused me of lacking respect and decency because I didn't want to put a towel over my head in a rainstorm to meet her in a bar.
It's just relentless. I'm spending time with her all day and finding it so stressful. She snaps at me and my kids and then she wants to sit up at night drinking and gets so offended if i want an early night.
Last night I said 'I'll just have a glass of wine in this next place and head back as I'm a bit tired.'
She snapped 'why do you have to plan everything? You're on holiday. Go with the flow. You might want more than one glass of wine. I can't relax, I'm on holiday.'
I feel like I can't speak as it will be wrong. I would love to cut ties but our other friend is arriving for the final week and I don't want to make it awkward for her.
I also hate confrontation and have an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. I want to go home

It's not my fault.

The only way to deal with this is total honesty. 'Dear friend, I cannot stand the way you are treating me. I will be spending the rest of my holiday with my children and I want no further contact with you'. And stick to it. The world will still turn :)

I do know I need to be more assertive but I don't think that changes the fact that she was rude and I won't take responsibility for that.
I'm feeling sore and covered in massive bites. Need anti histamines. Horrible friend and new friend are out, so it's taken some pressure off.

I was frank with her yesterday and she seems to realise I need space now.

Well done for being frank with her OP. Off topic but hydrocortisone cream will also help with the bites if you can get it

Well done for being frank - that's massive. People show their true colours on holiday!

She was still being bossy today so her apology was meaningless. She said I should budget so I have more money to spend in future. I said 'I do have enough money for the kind of holiday I like. Just not enough to go on lots of excursions and drink and eat out every night.'
She said she thought it was good to be social.

Tell her it's sometimes nice to keep opinions to yourself. She is irritating me and I am not even there

Reply: I think it's good to have the kind of holiday you want to have, without being constantly lectured about what you should be doing instead.

I've lost patience with the mare tell her to get to fuck

It's polite to be sociable up to a point, especially if she is left by herself when you withdraw and was counting on you for company. But sociable could be chilling out by the pool together or a bottle of wine and board games over at yours. Friends fit in with what their friends want to do or compromise, they don't impose their wishes and moan if others don't go along with it.

@Farontothemaddingcrowd I understand your reticence to get involved in any conflict with someone on holiday and I understand that you're a people pleaser, however, try to think of this rationally.

You've had to save for this holiday, it's a treat for you and your DCs. By 'keeping the peace' with this intrusive individual, you're accepting her rudeness towards you. By saying to you that it would've been decent to come and say hello, she's accusing you of not being decent towards her, so it's not rude if you speak your mind, it's a two way conversation.

You need an armoury of stock phrases like 'can't manage that, can do xxx instead' don't qualify why as that just gives her, or whoever, something to argue against.

Last night we (bossy friend, new friend and our kids) went out for dinner. Bossy friends son kicked, punched and scratched my children and swore at his mum. Bossy friend and new friend ended up having a huge row. It's all extremely awkward and I can't wait to come home. I keep searching for spaces on earlier flights but there are none

Flipping heck OP that’s sounds nightmarish

I think I’d just amuse myself and DC now, spend as little time with her as possible, I doubt you have much to lose, as would you want to continue seeing her when you get back?

I think keep confrontation to the minimum, purely for your own sake, end enjoy the holiday you’ve saved hard for, keep remembering that it’s your holiday too.

Sound like it’s come to a head. You both now have a good excuse to avoid her the rest of the holiday.

I have a friend who I love dearly, but I could NOT holiday with her. She can be very bossy (she knows it) and I would tire of it. Most probably we would discuss the issues (she’s great with that) but I wouldn’t want to jeopardise the friendship we have.

I can be the ‘I don’t mind’ friend too, but only when I really don’t mind, otherwise I’d be resentful if I did mind and was doing it to be ‘nice’.

Her son did this to my daughter.

And what was your reaction to that? Is she ok? Hope the rest of your holiday improves.

She's fine. I told friend and she said that her ds would not react like that unless my dd had been nasty to him. Her ds (7 years old) then screamed 'you fucking bitch' at his mum.

I told dd to stay well away from him. I'm still searching for flights. Might be worth getting new flights if I can get a cheapish deal.

I dunno why you can’t just stay and avoid her. You’re in different accommodation so shouldn’t be difficult. Just turn off your phone. Seems unfair on the kids to take them home early. All you’re punishing is yourselves.

Yes I guess. It's not just her. The apartment is horrible and cramped. I'm feeling really down here and homesick. But I will try to make the best of the next few days.

What about her and the new friend? If they had a fight are they speaking?

My thought being you could just spend time with new friend

you fucking bitch

Sounds like he knows his mum well.