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Original poster

Issues with boyfriend daughter

211 replies

Williams1971 · 08/08/2018 18:25

My bf’s daughter has issues with me. She’s 11. Her mum died 5 years ago they were not together and now she shares her time between him and her mums mum. I have tried to be nice to her and never have I wanted to take over the mums roll I have 4 children of my own. Sometimes she will be nice to me normally when she wants something , but most of the time she screams shouts and tantrums when I turn up at the house. She has growled at me, pushed me , told the dog to attack me and hid my stuff. The dog attack and hidden stuff you denies. I get very anxious when she is about cause I don’t know when she will flip. She has done this in the past in front of people too. When ever I answer any question she always says I’m wrong even down to what day it is ! I think she needs some kind of councilling as I’m sure this behaviour is not right. She talks to her dad like she owns him and in a horrible tone as well sometimes. When we are talking she interrupts. I’m at my wits end how to cope with this. He wants to move in but I don’t want to feel uncomfortable in my house around her. Any advise please?

OP posts:
Original poster
Williams1971 · 09/08/2018 09:29

What question

OP posts:
Original poster
Williams1971 · 09/08/2018 09:30

I do care about her. This is why I wrote this asking for advise on what help will be good for her so I can shove it under her dads face!! But she can’t keep behaving like she does in life

OP posts:
Original poster
Williams1971 · 09/08/2018 09:37

I don’t feel entitled at all. And when I do see him I stay a few hours and go. Just to try and sort things with the daughter. Not for a shag.

OP posts:
PerfectPenquins · 09/08/2018 09:37

But she will behave the way she does until she has processed her grief and come to terms with loosing her mother. You have no idea how hard it is for a child to loose their parent. She is communicating her struggles through undesirable behaviour. Stop thinking about how hard done by you are that this child dosnt like you, the child didn’t choose you chances are they may not like you regardless of a traumatic past. Don’t go round in the evening when that can be left to just them. You have no idea how hard this child may find it for the rest of her young years to go through them without her mothers comfort and guidance whilst many of her friends will.

C0untDucku1a · 09/08/2018 09:38

No she can’t. She need counselling. And she is a child so likely wont with the right upbringing and help. Sadly she has a fater who refuses to admit she needs help and a gf of said feckless father who wont just back off. Youre the adult: act like it.

Maybe forward the cahms details to the gran.

SisterNotCisTerf · 09/08/2018 09:39

What question

what you would do if someone who was coming to your house was causing the same behaviour in one of your children. Would you just punish your child and let the person carry on coming?

SisterNotCisTerf · 09/08/2018 09:41

Just to try and sort things with the daughter.

You shouldn’t be trying to sort anything with his daughter!! You’ve only known her 6 months!

Original poster
Williams1971 · 09/08/2018 09:46

If said person was deserving such behaviour then I would sit down and talk with child about what is the issue. We all have to deal with things we don’t like. So if the child hates a school teacher then it don’t have to attend the school. You don’t like your boss you just shout at them. Maybe we shouldn’t pussy foot around children these days. They get too much option. That’s why a lot of them a gobby with no respect for others

OP posts:
Original poster
Williams1971 · 09/08/2018 09:46

How am I meant to get to know her if I shouldn’t meet her

OP posts:
PerverseConverse · 09/08/2018 09:49

OP you are spectacularly dense. She doesn't want to get to know you. She doesn't like you unless you can be of use to her and give her a lift somewhere. She doesn't want you in her life. Who can blame her. Take the hint ffs.

Original poster
Williams1971 · 09/08/2018 09:51

She will be like that with everyone he meets. So he can’t move on TIL she’s 18 then.

OP posts:
Original poster
Williams1971 · 09/08/2018 09:51

Have you teenage children

OP posts:
PerverseConverse · 09/08/2018 09:53

What have teenagers got to do with anything. She's 11.

Onemansoapopera · 09/08/2018 09:54

She's treating you as someone she doesn't like or respect. That's the bottom line. As adults we get to eject people we don't like from our lives. Kids aren't that lucky so they act up. How about stop putting her through it?

SisterNotCisTerf · 09/08/2018 09:56

Maybe we shouldn’t pussy foot around children these days.

Yeah it’s terrible. Imagine respecting a bereaved, traumatised child in their own home. What has the world come to?

How am I meant to get to know her if I shouldn’t meet her

Why do you think she wants to get to know you? She’s giving out lots of signals that she doesn’t.

Original poster
Williams1971 · 09/08/2018 09:56

Because I have been through 2 teenage years so far and know what they are like if they don’t get their own way. If she didn’t like someone she wouldn’t want to get into their car and chat non stop. Wave at me while I watched her in her activities

OP posts:
SisterNotCisTerf · 09/08/2018 09:57

She will be like that with everyone he meets. So he can’t move on TIL she’s 18 then.

He doesn’t need to be in a relationship that impacts on his child. What is wrong with him dating when he isn’t parenting? Most people don’t have dates while their kids are with them.

SisterNotCisTerf · 09/08/2018 09:58

Most people don’t use their dates as babysitters either.

Original poster
Williams1971 · 09/08/2018 10:01

I’m not a babysitter she asked me so I did. Like I do with friends kids. So he can never marry or make a life with someone until she’s 18. So if your children say to you don’t go work today you don’t go.

OP posts:
Original poster
Williams1971 · 09/08/2018 10:01

It’s not a date. I go round for a cup of tea

OP posts:
SisterNotCisTerf · 09/08/2018 10:02

Umm dating is nothing like going to work. Confused he works to make a living. He dates you to get free childcare - -and no shagging- -

SisterNotCisTerf · 09/08/2018 10:04

If you go round for a cup of tea then it’s really not a very important meeting is it? I mean you can have a cup of tea at home while on the phone to him.

Original poster
Williams1971 · 09/08/2018 10:04

She don’t let him speak on the phone.

OP posts:
Original poster
Williams1971 · 09/08/2018 10:05

How does he get free childcare. I don’t look after her. Feed her. Ive occasionally when she’s asked took her somewhere. You really don’t have a clue and being rather pathetic and picky

OP posts:
MorningsEleven · 09/08/2018 10:10

That poor kid. She's approaching puberty, has lost her mother, her carers have failed her by not getting her bereavement counselling and now her relationship with her father is being muscled in on by a pushy girlfriend who can't take a hint. Back off. It's not about you.

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