Surnames of illegitimate children?

[macdoodle]

Not mine - if anyone has seen my previous postings they will know that DH lunatic ex OW (another story not the current discussion please)...is about 4 weeks off giving birth to his illegitimate child
Things have been bitter angry and twisted to say the least (not least because I am due with DH second LEGITIMATE child in dec)-
we have been married 8 years I use his name as does DD (obviously as we are married)..
Lunatic ex OW was divorced from her DH about 18 months ago I think but as far as I know still uses her married name as in Mrs XXX ..
Ok all clear...
anyhows turns out she wants to use my DH surname as her childs surname (now birth cert I have no problem with as I think child has right to know who its parents are) - but why on earth would you want your child to have the name of a man who treated you like shit, who you stalked and manipulated, got pregnant on purpose (she did) and all along has tried to go back to his wife ...why would you want your child to have a different name to you, a man who you never lived with (other than the odd week here and there in friends rooms etc), you were never married to or even talked about marriage, who you have known less than a year when you trapped him into a child he didn't want, why would you still use the name of youe ex DH when he left you for another woman and you have no children together...
I know I sound angry and I bloody am - the only reason I can see for her to do it - is to manipulate my DH and make him feel bad and more importantly to piss me off and humiliate me - god I hate this woman and her selfish immature games - again she shows no concern for the children involved in this mess (mine really) but also her little bugger who she uses as a tool to get at DH before it is even born...
So am I just blinded by my anger or is it reasonable to expect to use his name what would others do - personally I would want to have the same name as my DC and that is never going to happen !! [angry}

How horrible, I really feel for you macdoodle despite the unfortunate choice of terminology. As the mother of two technically illegitimate dc I have to say I understand you posted in anger and it really doesn't bother me. Nothing to add about the situation as no direct experience and I don't think you need anyone else to tell you what a tosser your dh is or has been.

Just a note on the name thing which is bothereing you so much. My DP and I are unmarried so my ds1 and imminent baby are, I suppose, illegitimate. When we went to register ds1 together, our understanding was that it was not the name that was important but the parental responsibility. i.e he had to be there when I gave his surname as the baby's surname so that he would have legal parental responsibility over the child (previously you had to complete a legal document to ensure this). If not, he would not be bale to make decisions about medical care etc (in theory - whether or not it is enforced I don't know). If he had not been there, my understanding is that I could still have put my DP's surname down - noone asked if we were married or for a certificate or anything. What I am saying is are you sure he has to be there for her to give his surname?

I really hope things get better for you - I think you should concentrate on your dd and new baby - as should the OW - let your DH handle all the shit for a while.

the father does have to be there to sign the register if you want his name on the birth certificate and if you want the baby to have his sirname unless you are married.the father will have parental responsibility if he is named on the birth cert.

macdoodle-i hope by letting your anger and hurt out on here you are feeling better and able to be calm-ish in rl.you are obviously torturing yourself with the nasty things this woman has told you etc,but she only did that because she wanted to make sure your dh didnt go back to you.

tbh it makes me sad that your pathetic tosser of a dh has two women fighting over him like this.surely he cant be that wonderful?i can only assume he is a multi-millionaire with a 14 inch penis to be deserving of this much attention.

my friend has 3 children and then broke up with her dh. She became pregnant via a very casual relationship and has given her baby the same surname as herself and her other children - that of her ex dh!

if your husband ( probably not darling at the mo) doesnt attend to register the birth with her then she cannot put his name on the birth certificate .

but you can have your child be 'known as' any name you want without legally changing it,eg my ds2 legally still has xh's sirname,but he is known as my sirname at nursery,gp's etc,as he doesnt see his father and has 2 little sisters who have my sirname(i gave them my sirname as i can easily change them when dp and i get married).