Tell me your narc dm's most outrageous stunts.

[oooz]

I'm in therapy decades after an abusive upbringing and the penny's only just dropped that my dm was a narc! Watching videos on narcissism I'm going 'Yes, yes, yes!' - it's all my experience. Playing the guilt card. Taking your successes for their own. Gaslighting. The control. It's SO refreshing finally learning my own truth. Now I've found this I want to learn as much as possible. Please share your experiences.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with all that at a particularly tough time Renarde

Thank you to picklemepopcorn and PeppermintPasty. That's very kind

Yeah it is tough but TBH, I'm pissed at myself for ignoring my own gut instinct.

NEVER ignore the gut. I say this SO many times but whilst I do often fall back on intuition...with very intimate people (such as inner circle family and life partners), I can often be found lacking.

C'est la vie. I live to fight another day.

And Pickle - glad she refused me TBH as she would have had a fit if she'd seen the cottage .

Thumbwitchesabroad - thank you . SS did listen to mr explanation of my mother’s behaviour and said they wouldn’t be taking it any further in this instance . Does that mean it’s written off completely ? Do I nedd to call them and check ? I don’t want anything to affect my dds career as she’s worked so very vey hard to get where she is now

lisalisa - in fairness, I don't know the answer to that so unless anyone else on this thread does know what the likely situation is, I would consider ringing them back to check, yes. Just to be on the safe side. I still can't believe your mother would risk your DD's career like that, it's astounding!

Both parents big narcs. Decided that they would pay for my wedding reception - the meal for everyone, invited all their friends who I didn't even want there but said "well we're paying for it so we can invite who we want", honestly, there were around 130 at my wedding, 5 of them were my closest friends and about 30 of them were their various friends. They then blamed me on their debt problems

Showed up and announced she was divorcing my father whilst I had gone out to visit my grandparents across the country. I never got the chance to say goodbye to any of my friends as we then stayed to live there. I was 13.
Kicked me out of the house at 19 because I was sleeping with my boyfriend and apparently that meant he should be taking care of me. I got a note announcing my "eviction."

Didn't bother to tell me my Grandma had passed away so I found out on facebook.

Funny, I always thought of her more as passive aggressive than a narcissist but reading all these posts has made me wonder...

The day after our dad died she got one of the neighbours to drown the dog. I watched him carry the dog away.
And she wonders why sometimes

That's awful. Why did the neighbour agree to do that?? My DM threw away my step-Dad's clothes the same day he died.

He thought he was helping.
Ireland. 1974.
House in uproar.
People just did what she said. My dad was 33 she was 32. 4 kids. 9 7 6 and 18 months. Chaos.
Not the last dog to disappear either and only the start of things.
We were isolated aà often happens after a death and she had total control. Locked us in for days on end.
Seemed to insist on enforcing misery like the year she cancelled Easter eggs. Told a neighbour who visited us with sweets to stop coming.
Refuses to remember all the concerns about me.
The disruption she has caused only to say it was done for our good...nah

She had the dog drowned?????

She did.
Poor dog got carried down to the river by a neighbour. Bag and a rock
It seemed to her that the dog was too much baggage so the dog has to go. Wasn't the last time when she felt that she didn't want to deal with things.
Myself included.

I don’t have a Mum but I have the strangest MIL.

When I told her I was pg she said I would probably lose it.

We had the simplest wedding as we had no money & I had no parents to help pay for a wedding. In laws never offered to pay for anything or gave us a wedding present. We just went to the registery office, got married & cane home. I cried whe I got home as I didn’t feel marriedI had no dress, honeymoon or reception. (Other brother got 2 weddings paid for & wedding presents)

We were charged an extortionate amount of rent to stay there. (Other brother never paid anything).

When DS was born they came to the hospital. Just looked at DS & left & never asked how I was. They never bought anything for him or offered to look after him.
The only time they had DS DH had to go to emergency. I got home at midnight & at 7.00am she wanted to know when I was coming to pick up DS. She charged me by the hour for that & I had to send food & drink as she said none would be provided.

She had me doing all her beauty treatments for nothing.

When we emigrated DH & DS lived there for 6 weeks. She took £800 & wouldn’t let them use the washing machine. We had to carry it to the lauderette. I stayed with my brother. I would go there in the day & she would dish food up for everyone else & none for me as she said I hadn’t paid her any money.

The only decent ting we had for our wedding was a cake. A lady made it for us & we paid for all the ingredients. We ate some a few days later & she flew at us for eating our own wedding cake as she wanted to save it for Xmas so she didn’t have to make a Xmas cake.

She is very manipulative & if she wants to get her own way over something & we don’t comply she’ll say it’s making her ill.

She’s still continuing to treat other brother differently giving him money all the time & has just bought him a new car. He’s a lazy loser that works 2 days a week & claims benefits.

spritesobright

This struck me...

Funny, I always thought of her more as passive aggressive than a narcissist but reading all these posts has made me wonder...

PA traits are endemic to the middle range Narc. It is there 'hallmark' or 'stock-in-trade' and are ESPECIALLY common in female Ns.

The not informing you of your Grans' death is fucking awful

Bet you any money she was an E that refused to conform.

Diamond25

She is very manipulative & if she wants to get her own way over something & we don’t comply she’ll say it’s making her ill.

Yeah - my MatirNarc would do something similar. "Please stop; it's making me ill...", she would whimper like a little child.

She always wanted a 'quiet life'. I wanted to sort out interpersonal issues. Like THAT was ever going to happen. Me? Bitter?

Again and echoing above. This is PA. A Middler. What a twat.

Diamond, what shocks me is that you still have anything to do with them! Bless you.

Renarde1975 That's really interesting. Thanks for the insight.

Now that I think about it, my father is probably a narcissist too, if not worse.
He's a conspiracy theorist with extreme religious convictions. At one point he was planning to sue the government for the right to practice polygamy. He thought gay marriage coming in meant that he now had a shot...
Not that he had loads of women desperate to marry him. The ones who did divorced him as soon as they learned how to speak English and realised how crazy he was.

We've been NC for over 10 years and I feel so much happier.

Diamond25 that sucks about your MIL. I hope you can avoid her as much as possible. Does your DH see how manipulative she is? He needs to be the one to stand up to her really.

Luckily we have lived in another country for the last 16 years so we don’t have much to do with her. I didn’t have a nice childhood, I have no parents & was mentally abused by foster parents. We both realise that we have been conditioned & have the fear, obligation & guilt as written in the book Toxic Parents.

There has been a lot of stuff but one of a fairly recent ones that has had a big impact, admittedly mostly on my siblings as I have had the pleasure of similar behaviour/demands. DM decided to go to court to get maintanace from us-her 3 children. She explained that she needs to spend money on her&fathers house, is retired and wants to travel and as she has 3 adult children with good jobs we should start giving her money.
Her and father are retired and get more money monthly than my sister..they have a big, mortgage free house..
Really...
We found out as one of our mothers friends decided to warn us. She told us our mother is not acting like a mother should and she is telling people what her plan is..she told us to watch out...

Other things include constant criticism and comparisons, always trying to divert the attention back to her..making stuff up including cacer diagnosis..

As children we were neglected. Dirty often hungry. Had to take care of ourselves very early on..had no emotional support and a lot of criticism to destroy whatever confidence we managed to build.

Whitecat that's quite incredulous! She wanted to take you to court to get parental maintenance from her grown up children (just... wow!)

Surely the courts would laugh their heads off at that and give her a reprimand for wasting their time.

Just reading through all these gives me a strange sense of comfort as I also hate the ‘you only get one mum’ or ‘but she’s your mum’ lines.

I refer to her as her or she, never mum.

She mentally abused me from the minute I was born from what I can gather, throughout childhood she was involved with many men that she allowed to hurt me physically. Dropped me off at my nans for months on end only to return when she was ‘in a bad place’

As the years went in she tried to have me sectioned.

So many things, but the one that made me go NC was when I went to stay with her with my DS to seek refuge after fleeing my sons dad. I begged her not to let him know where we was and she promised saying how she had been in my position. I returned home from work one day to find her, her boyfriend and my sons dad sitting in the living preparing for ‘a meeting’ as she felt I was acting like a ‘princess’ and needed to go home. She had been having secret phone conversations with him the whole time I was there about how I was claiming to be abused. She had even had my son talking to him despite me constantly saying I wanted him to have no contact at least until I had further advice from police etc. After all that she forced me to leave with him and then told the rest of my family (Whi also now have NC and never believed her) that I had signed papers to let her have official guardianship over my DS as I couldn’t take him back to an abusive situation. Also I might add she had helped me get DS Into the school near her as we was now in the catchment area, just to send me home! Maybe she was plotting to become his mother who knows. But seriously it’s utterly bonkers and I can never fathom such behaviour and it’s rather strange.

As well as that (something else I just remembered) she got wind I had fled to a refuge and called me on withheld asking if we was ok and she didn’t realise how bad it was and what area I was in. Knowing her form I told her an area in the complete opposite direction, she promised to not say a word and how she was sorry for not listening and hopes I have a fresh start. Low and behold I have an email 10 mins later from ex saying he knows I have moved to (made up area) and how he has been told I was acting like a drama queen so I could run away and get a free house. It’s all so bizarre but NC is bliss and as horrid as it sounds I would not miss her if I got that call one day to say she was gone.

How do your narc mothers treat your children?
My mum always said she would treat my daughter better than she treats my niece, as we lived closer etc. Bit she only had interest up until she was about 4 months old. Now she just seems irritated by her and jealous of the attention my dad gives her.

OOT with my first, not interested in my second.

They haven’t seen her for years now as I’m NC with her. Did keep up contact to begin with when DH would take them to hers now and again for an hour but Narc Mother turned that into him being on her side. I wasn’t comfortable with letting her near my kids after she’d attacked me, so it stopped.

I hear now that she bangs on about her and my DD1 being “meant to be together” or some such shite.

@fadingawayagain

The line DP has heard so, so many times from his oldest DD is "but she's my mum", as some sort of litany to justify her behaviour. One day I hope she realises how much she has been manipulated.

DP's oldest DS has no contact with her at all, and calls her by her first name. He has completely stopped referring to her as his mother and he says that is helping him recover.

I was my mothers little slave. At primary school age, left me at home all day with severe abdominal pain and vomiting. Got home about 5 in the evening from work to me crying in agony only to be smacked in the face as I hadn’t done any cleaning. After another hour of vomiting then decided to take me to the emergency doctor who predicted appendicitis and was admitted to hospital for emergency surgery in the early hours of the morning. Sent home after a few days and she had me up and cleaning days later. Tried to split up me and my now husband when we were dating (I was living st home) threatened to tell him I was seeing other men because she was loosing her slave. I was 18 at this point. We have now been married 20 years, because I eventually stood up to her although the day I tried to leave home she physically assaulted me in my bedroom when I was packing to stop me leaving. I have gone non contact now at age 40. It’s been hard though as she is now in a wheelchair and has Parkinson’s.

Oh @Fadingawayagain :( that sounds so hard.

I hate the "you only have one mum" rubbish. Yes I know and she's a shit one and she'll never change!