Tell me your narc dm's most outrageous stunts.

[oooz]

I'm in therapy decades after an abusive upbringing and the penny's only just dropped that my dm was a narc! Watching videos on narcissism I'm going 'Yes, yes, yes!' - it's all my experience. Playing the guilt card. Taking your successes for their own. Gaslighting. The control. It's SO refreshing finally learning my own truth. Now I've found this I want to learn as much as possible. Please share your experiences.

3 'cancer' scares. One fake stillbirth. Stealing my underwear during teen years (that I bought with pay from a job I had, 8 hour shift for fifteen quid just to eat and afford train fare to school) because her money went on booze. Stole some alcohol bottles I had for my eighteenth, stole my jewelry, rooted through my belongings when I wasn't home, demanded to know why a girl was texting my phone (I was fifteen and she was a classmate) told me that my then boyfriend has filmed me having sex with him, had my dad arrested on my son's first birthday so dad and I spent several hours in the police station, got drunk and high at my wedding, told her friends I wasn't at her hen night because I'm a scruffy embarrassment, told my husband that he didn't know the 'real' me and that I was a slag, phoned me repeatedly (30+ times endlessly) because my mil had bought two jumpers for my unborn child and she hated them, she didn't want her grandson wearing that shit etc extensive neglect during childhood, verbal abuse, physical abuse etc you couldn't make it up. I think I've finally seen the light at 4 months NC and were all happier. for the suffering you've all been through.

The worst was how she didn't care at all when her husband of 12 years attempted suicide she wasn't there for him, she said it was because he felt guilty for having an affair (he really didn't) but Dad moved in with me and he was happy again in the end.

Good grief some of this is unbelievable ! (That parents can be so selfish and neglectfuI I mean.) I am sorry so many have endured such cruelty. I hope you all have happy futures ahead . Hugs to all x

When I was a teen she used to smash my bedroom up and chase me out the house with a knife.

When I told her I was pregnant she wrote me a 7 page letter saying it was a sin against God as I wasn’t married and should get an abortion as the child would probably be disabled and dp would leave me (no reason to think this).

She smashed the marital home up and stabbed my dad who then left her.

She once didn’t talk to me for six months because she didn’t like the car I’d bought! Oh, she didn’t talk to me for my entire pregnancy either.

Even though they’d been divorced for years when my dad died she insisted on coming to the funeral even though she’d been so nasty to him and we’d asked her not to come as my dad had remarried and it wasn’t fair on my stepmother.

While my dad was dying she wrote to her divorce solicitor (this was a few years after the divorce) saying she didn’t think she’d got enough money and could he reopen the case to try and get her more money but he’d need to do it quickly before my dad died. Solicitor told her she didn’t have a chance, but how nasty that she would have done that to someone on their death bed! She’d taken him to the cleaners anyway!

She said some nasty things about me to dd and then when dd told me she said dd was lying and should be in a mental asylum.

Has repeatedly lied to her friends telling them I neglect dd and apparantly they all agree dd should have been taken into care.

After about 5 years of me being NC with her faked ( I think faked anyway) a cancer story and wrote saying I needed to step up and take her to hospital appts, etc.

Narc MIL crying and putting phone down on exh (runs in the family) an hour after I'd got home 3 hours after giving birth, when told too exhausted for visitors. After phone calls pacifying between MIL and SILs she turned up ... ignored me... held the baby and left... just one of sooo many instances.... exh still jumping to her tune.. after we split he was wanting to reconcile but was worried what his mum might say!!! Glad to have got away... shame dcs now have to deal with her

I've stupidly got back in contact with my narc mother after 12 years of nc as my grandfather was ill. Big mistake on my behalf. I've been going to grandfathers house multiple times a week cooking and cleaning and caring for him. She was supposed to be doing the same on the other days but she was too "unwell". I've been diagnosed with stage 3 cancer but I'm still expected to do the biweekly visits as she is still too unwell to do anything for him(but she can can trek around the county when it suits her but she cannot do incontinent grandfathers laundry)Best one recently was I said that I wouldn't be able to do the visits anymore due to starting chemo and she did the dying swan routine " oh well I'm so unwell myself"

She's extremely proud of having a nurse in the family. Not of me qualifying or working as a nurse but because SHE has a nurse in the family ifgwim because it's elevated her status in her eyes.

Not my mother but my grandmother. Rang my fiancé on the eve of our wedding and left him a voicemail saying it wasn’t too late to change his mind. This was all because she was angry with my Mum for some perceived slight to do with my wedding not being all about her. Grandmother didn’t end up coming anyway because she hates any social occasion where she’s not the focus.

GM always was bad throughout mum and uncles childhood, but has gotten even worse with age. Lots of faked illnesses and making points.

Horrible, but necessary, thread.

Some of the "milder" ones of mine:

Fainting fits at every school concert- right in the middle of my solos. Every. Single. Time.

Actually putting me in the hospital when, after a report that read "Radley shows an exceptional natural talent on the piano" I wasn't able to teach her, on a tiny casio keyboard, in three hours.

You know what? Thank these people in our lives! Be greatful to them. They are THE best role models ever. Because we have all been taught first hand how NOT to treat our kids.

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Every single thing I have ever achieved or cared about, being either taken over, or if they can’t take it over, rubbished. Without exception. Only THEIR feelings matter, and their only feelings are about how they appear to others.

Good god there are so many to choose from.

The sulking on our wedding day on multiple occasions which was spectacular:

When we chose to travel home (reception in marquee in our garden) on our own and ask her to travel in the mini bus with every other guest.

When the photos came back and she wasn’t on many of them after telling our photographer (DH’s best friend) that she didn’t want her photo taking.

When she wasn’t specifically named and given a present during DH’s speech - incidentally nobody was, because there were only 15 guests and she’d already been given a bloody present that morning!

When she got a face on and started crying when we booked taxis for everyone to go back to the hotel they were staying in, and we made her leave with everyone else so we could enjoy our wedding night... alone

She also through a massive toddler tantrum when we had multiple friends and family help us move into the first property we bought, due to her “not getting all of the glory and praise for helping”

I could write pages and pages....

The breaking point for me is when my dad died very suddenly and I was upset she barked at me ‘you have no reason to be upset he was my husband’. At that point I realised what a cold hearted bitch she has been throughout my life.

I had a bad ski accident and suffered a head injury - I was rushed to a specialist neurology hospital in France were I was in intensive care for 2 weeks. She didn’t even think to come out (I was on my own).

NC with her now and the relief is immense.

Ladies, I am in awe of you all. My mum is a survivor of a narc/ abusive parent, in her case it was her father.
Many, many incidents that other family members have told me about ( he died before I was born) including threatening her on her own wedding day ( her new fil actually stepped in ).
I just wanted to say that she has always been ( and is now aged 80) the most amazing, caring, loving mum. She instilled confidence in me and my siblings ( along with ddad) and showed us how to be parents, how to put our DC first, how to provide unlimited emotional support , as I'm sure you will all be amazing because you've survived.

I invited her, my future MiL and my Brothers fiancé to come with me to choose my wedding dress. We all went into the big changing room together.I had very bad acne on my back. We went for coffee after and she said to my Mil, “did you see the look of revulsion The two dressers gave each other”. Then to me, “I would be too ashamed to get married like that”.

I was very tiny and a late developer. At a family party, in front of my Uncles and cousins, “thank god she is getting a pair of tittes at last. I thought I had another boy”

Even as a grown up she never left off. She noticed my new watch and my husband told her he had bought it to celebrate my promotion at work. I had gone back to work at 40 as a cashier. 5 years later I was made Mamager of a very prestigious branch. Her, “Well years ago a Bank Manager was a Somebody. Now any tuppeny halfpenny nobody can be a Manager”.

In some ways, that was not as bad as the reaction from my ‘best friend’ who worked for the same Bank. We had both moaned about our evil mothers, but when I told her what mine had said, she remarked, “Well she is right really”.it is strange how I had the strength to drop her but carried on looking out for DM until she died at 95.

Northern my mum said the same thing, “you expect your parents to die, I’ve lost my husband”. He did unexpectedly and young.
In my recent thread I mentioned my Mum thought of herself as coparent to my son. Posters here showed me the just how mental that it. You can’t see it from the inside. Which I guess is what OP is discovering in therapy.

It was MN that finally gave me the clues as to what the hell had gone on ... (obviously NCd)

Not my DM, but MiL ....

DW has a chronic condition, so lots of appointments. I'd always offer to take her, but she used to say not to worry, she'd manage. MiL would then call me up ("but don't mention this to DW ....") and tell me that DW had confided in her how upset she was that I wasn't taking her to the appointment, but "not to say anything, as she's very worried". This would invariably be the evening before, so I had no time to arrange it with work, so got in to trouble there. Meanwhile, when DW mentioned how odd it was to MiL, MiL said "that's worrying, he seems so controlling ....". This happened quite a few times over the years.

2. When we first moved in, I put a little weight on. MiL said to me that DW was too embarrassed to mention it, but she had noticed. Again "don't mention this to DW" ... I started going swimming twice a week in the evenings. Meanwhile MiL said to DW "PDISAC seems to have got quite interested in fitness all of a sudden. He's not having an affair is he ? Are you sure he's going swimming ?"

3. (A few years in) Because we trusted her, MiL had keys. She used to let herself in, and deliberately hide things of ours - books, remote controls, sometimes money in DS room. We'd find them, obviously ignore DS pleas of ignorance, and dish out a punishment. Which MiL then used to tell DS showed that we couldn't love him, when she looked after him.

4. (The last straw) Because DW has a chronic illness, she has counselling. MiL phoned up counsellor, and accused me of all sorts of nasty practices with DW - emotionally abusive, physically abusive, controlling, financially controlling. Turns out it's not quite as simple as she thought, and she tripped all sorts of warning systems that are in place in the NHS, which resulted in DW (and thus me) being told.

It'll come as no surprise that after MiL turning up after being asked not to, and physically assaulting me (police were called) we're permanently NC.

There were other minor incidents over the years. But sadly, the world isn't ready for the really batshit one which I've left out. Suffice is to say I still don't believe it myself. And in the 5 years since Mumsnet saved my sanity, I've never read anything quite so batshit here, either.

Not often I get a chance to write it down in one

Coming back for a proper read later. Let me think...

Even though they’d been divorced for years when my dad died she insisted on coming to the funeral even though she’d been so nasty to him and we’d asked her not to come as my dad had remarried and it wasn’t fair on my stepmother.

My DM did this too. She also tried to get me and my siblings to leave my dads funeral to go for a meal with her instead. She hadn't had any contact with my dad for 25 years, but she still wanted to be chief mourner. To make up for not sitting in the front row in the church she did an OTT weeping and wailing session on the church steps so everyone would acknowledge her grief as his FIRST wife (despite her numerous affairs and appalling treatment of my dad).

Radly - can’t even imagine what that must have been like .
Reading all these and feeling so sad how all of you were treated and what impact it’s had on your life. I really hope you all have a happy and healthy future.

Pauldacre I really want to know what the terrible thing was!

My mother wore a wedding dress to my wedding because she didn’t enjoy her own wedding. She lost so much weight before she looked emaciated, and then told me the Sunday before I got married how much weight I had gained! I hadn’t but it really ruined my confidence. The worst thing about I saw nothing wrong in that at the time.

During my overdose whilst my stomach was being pumped at 17 she sobbed telling me how could I have do this to her? Did I not realise how awful this was for her. My father was ordered out of the hospital for screaming at me for upsetting my mother.... I was too ill to answer him but on the upside the nurses were much nicer to me after that.

It has taken me decades to see the light, and I am still shocked and disbelieving that they have been like this forever and I never knew. I still adore my mother, idolise her even, I have been well trained but her don’t see her anymore.

I was told they found a tumour on my arm and it was likely to be bone cancer in February - dm didn’t even call me or even text me to see if I was okay.
Fortunately for me I was one of the lucky ones and it wasn’t cancerous but it took a long time and msny sleepless nights for the all clear. I am still reeling from her total lack of interest in my welfare, however she enjoyed telling all and sundry to garner as much attention as possible, but she couldn’t have cared less about me. I now know if the worst had happened this would have given her access to unlimited attention forever, it was never about me and always how the information can be used for her benefit.
It breaks my heart, I am a mother and it would devastate me to hear that either of my children had to go through this, I would be there in a heartbeat every step.

Claiming all the credit for my A level results and, 30 years later, my DD's A level results

for @mineisarossini

A lot over the years! But it took until having my own children to truly realise what a fucking awful mother she has been (beatings, namecalling, slut-shaming constant emotional blackmail to name a few).

One of her most recent ones was when I told her the children and I were in refuge because my ex, their dad had been abusing me for the entirety of our decade+ long relationship her first response was to think how it would affect her. “I suppose that means he won’t be helping me move house next month after all then”. She said the same to my sister about it too. Apparently she was “only joking” and we’re both too sensitive. She didn’t sound like she was joking

I’m terrified of having a wedding should my current partner and I ever get married because she has turned other family celebrations into her own personal dramas. Someone will “look at her funny” “no one wants me here” (not anymore...) “those people over there talking and laughing are talking about me and laughing at me! Social make them stop it now!” She will guaranteed go and cry in the toilets or wherever at least once and she will make sure people see her upset so someone will follow her to check on her.

I think I’ll just elope if it comes to it 🤔

Just read your post about your wedding

My DM reversed into a wall and smashed her car up but apparently it was all my fault as she was stressing over my wedding the next day. I deliberately organised the wedding myself as I knew she'd create a scene one way or another. And yes, she did.

She also left her handbag in the car one time and the car was broken into. Again, that was my fault as I hadn't phoned her that week.