Oh fuck. I think I’ve just found an affair phone

[FuckyDuzz]

Well it’s not really an ‘I think’ really, I just have

There was an unfamiliar beeping coming from the coat/shoe cupboard so I went in to investigate and found a phone in DPs coat, a cheap little Nokia with just one contact - a woman’s name

I am home alone with 4 kids trying not to cry but honestly I could throw up right now
Wtf

I don't think that her messages would stay there if the OP changed the number, would they?

Hang on, will try with my iPhone.

definitely do what others have suggested

*Change the number in the phone to your number. Leave the rest of the details as they are.

Wait for him to text/ring you...*

I guess you don't believe he's seeing his mates tonight now you've seen the phone? Has he been acting off lately apart from the not finishing during sex? If you stick 141 in front of her number you can see how the phone is answered in a business like way which could suggest escort. Sorry op, this is shitty!

I’d be torn between keeping the phone and confronting him and putting it back to gather more evidence.
What shit situation.

Yes put the number into your phone, also take a note of the address. Then change the number in the phone to your number. When he texts or phones once he has left to see his 'mates' just ignore - see if he re texts or if he silently gives up and comes home telling you he isn't feeling right.

Oh op, how awful for you. What an utter shit he is!

Do you want to know details about the OW? You don't have to, you have enough info to LTB.

Could you hide the Nokia so when he's about to go out for his meal with mates he'll be rummaging around looking for it? Do you think he'd ask you if you'd seen it?

Change the number to yours, wait for him to text you and then reply that you've changed your mind and would never want to be with a disgusting cheat like him.

Text something similar to her.

When he gets home, say that someone called for him, say it sounded important, offer to dial it for him, dial the number pass him the phone and stand over him while he calls her back in front of you!

Oh fuck

Have you got anyone who could come over to sit with you?

I would change the number but not answer when the text meant for her comes to you. Make him wonder wtf has happened

No, the messages disappear if you change the number.

on a similar note to Blaherskite change the number to yours and when he calls and thinks its her speaking, say or text that your pregnant and worried as you have just discovered you have also have an STI

I think the very least I'd do is hide the phone tonight, if for no other reason than to see him scrambling around looking for it.

Take photos of all the messages btw - you may not need evidence but it’s better to have them than not

But what if you change the number to yours and then she rings him first? I wouldn't give the phone back. Don't say anything about it and see if he asks you if you've seen it. If you can see him frantically looking for it and he doesn't ask you if you've seen it, that's all the proof you need. If you have the phone, the number, the address, I should think this would be too much for him to cover up. I think you need to confront him, but in good time after you've done a bit of research.

Could you ring her with 141 before the number and see how she answers? I would be tempted to get a babysitter tonight and head over to the address tonight to see if his car is parked there...

Sorry I am reading all of your messages, just trying to figure out how I want to go about it
I’m not really a confrontational person so I won’t be going in all guns blazing, I’m just not sure if I even want to deal with it yet
I don’t want to hear him tell me about his relationship with another woman - just writing that makes me feel a bit funny

Oh op that this properly shit, I'm so sorry 💐

I'd definitely be hiding the phone and probably spending this evening packing him a bag, which I'd leave on the (locked) doorstep for his return.

Hide the phone.

Try to act normal and say you're making a doctor's appointment for Monday because you've got a terrible discharge and you think you've got an infection.

Sit tight OP.
Don't do anything other than hide the phone, you need time to think. He won't ask you were the phone is.
There's lots you can do in time but tonight you need to think.
Lots of ideas here just take some deep breaths when the kids are in bed. Must be hard to think of what to make for dinner let alone anything else right now

Does he have Snapchat? If so turn on his snap maps and you'll be able to see exactly where he is tonight. Make sure you ask where he's going for the meal and if it's not the same place then you'll know he's lying

When this happened to me, I arranged a Friday night out, he was looking after our three children (4 year old, 2 year old, 9m old) I went out to work on Monday morning, took his SIM card with me, left him a letter addressed to ‘ADULTERER’ & spent some fun moments texting her my thoughts on a woman who would shag a bloke with three small children.

Then I went clubbing.

Then I apologised for calling her a slag, just to fuck with them more.

But we weren’t married, he had no cash and I wanted to maintain relationship for benefit of DCs

(As an aside, he ended up a violent alcoholic with several failed relationships, subsequent 2nd AND 3rd families and I’m in a good tax bracket with all 3 DCs at uni)

My advice: keep your powder dry. Gather financial evidence - IME they weep when they’re found out, make promises, then backtrack and hide cash. Get your ducks ducked. Photocopy all passports, move them ‘somewhere safe’ leavecthe phone where it is until you are ready to act. Tell one trusted friend who won’t gossip. When you split, get to his parents first if you want them involved with your DCs. My ex lied and ex ILs thought I had been fucking around on him. It took MONTHS for him to tell them on this basis and YEARS for the truth to surface. Sex wise, develop thrush or a non specified female ailment, but be as nice as pie until you are ready.

I wouldn't have thought it was a prostitute - for one thing he's a flirt, which tends to mean an affair rather than a prostitute, but I also think anyone who goes to prostitutes would go to more than one, rather than the same one. They wouldn't buy a phone for that, either, would they?

Some men never go to the same woman more than once, some have 2 or 3 and rotate, some go to the same one every time. It is common to have a 'punting' phone which is not used for anything else, purely so that no-one is likely to find it. It is used, put away and not taken out until the next time.

Sex workers often just answer the phone with 'hello'. If there is a maid it can vary.

It might be an affair, it might just be a regular shag, or it might be a sex worker. If the address is easy to get to I would take a look.

Ok I’m going to move the phone
He’s just text me reminding me not to make him any dinner tonight because he’s out yes I know you fucker!