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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Oh fuck. I think I’ve just found an affair phone

999 replies

FuckyDuzz · 03/08/2018 15:57

Well it’s not really an ‘I think’ really, I just have

There was an unfamiliar beeping coming from the coat/shoe cupboard so I went in to investigate and found a phone in DPs coat, a cheap little Nokia with just one contact - a woman’s name

I am home alone with 4 kids trying not to cry but honestly I could throw up right now
Wtf

OP posts:
Pebblesandfriends · 05/08/2018 16:57

Brew Flowers

TheSassyAssassin · 05/08/2018 16:58

So pleased you are going to get some support IRL @FuckyDuzz! You've had such a lot to process in the last few days. It will feel like the walls have caved in for a while but I promise you it does get easier in time. Take care of you Flowers xx

tinytemper66 · 05/08/2018 16:59

Good luck x

twilightsaga · 05/08/2018 16:59

I don't know why half of Mumsnet have fell for the drugs lie. No point in police because There are NO drugs!!!! He was sleeping with another woman that's all there is to it

Flopisonsomething · 05/08/2018 17:00

All the best for your future, OP!

bethy15 · 05/08/2018 17:02

I don't know why half of Mumsnet have fell for the drugs lie. No point in police because There are NO drugs!!!! He was sleeping with another woman that's all there is to it

There's no way there's no drug involvement.

Nobody throws in the association of drugs and admits an affair. Why would he need to spin that if he said that he gave him oral sex?

There would be no need for him to ever say about drugs, and people who have no association with drugs would never lie about dealing drugs. It wouldn't be something they would even grasp for.

Dannygirl · 05/08/2018 17:07

Huge good luck OP in coming to terms with and moving on from all this, it’s such a head f*ck, but you’ve handled it with dignity and I have great respect for you x

DeegeeDee · 05/08/2018 17:07

Take time out and speak to real life friends. Come back having retired a great username (loved that drinking game) for support. Wishing you well on the next steps x

mathsquestions · 05/08/2018 17:08

Good luck

Passingwords · 05/08/2018 17:10

Fuzzy sending you strength and determination to make the break even though it may feel like it’s breaking you at times- cast him off you are worth so much more

Glaciferous · 05/08/2018 17:22

Good luck, Fuzzy. I think you will be fine.

Putyourhandsintheair · 05/08/2018 17:22

Good luck to you whatever the future holds. ThanksThanksThanks

twilightsaga · 05/08/2018 17:28

@bethy15 he's saying it was for a friend so not directly him. I'm pretty sure a lot of men in this situation who have been caught will think of anything to worm out of it. He needed an explanation of how he met her, blamed his friend and then blames her for coming on to him. So obvious it's all a big lie

SmellMyBeads · 05/08/2018 17:29

Thread carefully... Decide what you're going to do with him. You could lose your 4 babies. He was lax about the phone! Imagine he was lax about leaving a bag of pills around the place. Angry

Igorina · 05/08/2018 17:39

You could lose your 4 babies

Stop talking shite.

OP - Good luck.

Idratherhaveacupoftea · 05/08/2018 17:39

Sorry, some people on here are revelling in this. She has made up her mind to leave here, I don't blame her.

TigerDragonMonkey · 05/08/2018 17:49

Good luck OP! You sound like you’ve got a good head on you!

BewareOfDragons · 05/08/2018 17:51

Good luck, OP. I hope you find some support IRL while you deal with ejecting the arsehole from your life.

GladAllOver · 05/08/2018 17:52

Thread carefully... Decide what you're going to do with him. You could lose your 4 babies. He was lax about the phone! Imagine he was lax about leaving a bag of pills around the place.

GladAllOver · 05/08/2018 17:53

Thread carefully... Decide what you're going to do with him. You could lose your 4 babies. He was lax about the phone! Imagine he was lax about leaving a bag of pills around the place.
Bollocks.
She's already decided what to do. And she is in no danger whatever of losing her children.

bethy15 · 05/08/2018 17:53

@bethy15 he's saying it was for a friend so not directly him. I'm pretty sure a lot of men in this situation who have been caught will think of anything to worm out of it. He needed an explanation of how he met her, blamed his friend and then blames her for coming on to him. So obvious it's all a big lie

Sorry, anyone can think of a load of things to make up. No sane person invents drug dealing to try to dampen the situation.

He could've said he was selling other goods, knocked off tvs or clothes or something. No sane person who has never had a hand in drugs would suddenly say they were involved in selling drugs if they wasn't.

I agree that men think of things to worm out of it, but who would incriminate themselves and risk losing children and their freedom by saying they were dealing drugs whilst also admitting to a OW anyway.

Uzicorn · 05/08/2018 18:12

Thread carefully... Decide what you're going to do with him. You could lose your 4 babies. He was lax about the phone! Imagine he was lax about leaving a bag of pills around the place.

I'm glad thread is almost hit 1k limit so OP doesn't have to see posts like the above anymore.

SmellMyBeads · 05/08/2018 18:13

All the dopes saying I was going over board.

Do they let scum drug dealers be at home with babies in the UK? Because they certainly don't here and understandable so.

If he gets caught up in this shit and it goes before a judge. Should she lie? No. Protect her and her babies now.

Makes me wonder about the background of the people that quoted me Confused

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 05/08/2018 18:21

Do they let scum drug dealers be at home with babies in the UK?

Unfortunately they do seem to. I know of a couple of dads who have returned to live with partners and babies after stints in prison. Social workers etc are involved but “fathers have rights”.

HushabyeMountainGoat · 05/08/2018 18:23

@SmellMyBeads but the DH isn't near the children any more as the OP took swift action to protect them. She has therefore proved herself to be putting their interests first and keeping them safe. No social worker would deem her to be a risk based on this.

And as for parents who are drug dealers, I am aware of more than one family where at least one parent has been involved in dealing drugs. If the children are otherwise well cared for then this is not sufficient grounds to remove children from their parents. Whether we agree with that or not.