Oh fuck. I think I’ve just found an affair phone

[FuckyDuzz]

Well it’s not really an ‘I think’ really, I just have

There was an unfamiliar beeping coming from the coat/shoe cupboard so I went in to investigate and found a phone in DPs coat, a cheap little Nokia with just one contact - a woman’s name

I am home alone with 4 kids trying not to cry but honestly I could throw up right now
Wtf

So it’s sex and drugs but to dilute the story he has said he is helping a mate and it’s only blow jobs . As pps said, sadly the truth will turn out to be worse.

Poor little diddums him. Not happy because his wife is busy dealing (pun intended sorry I have a black sense of humour) with their 4 children so resorts to drug dealing and blow jobs from strippers? How did he even take the step in his mind that this was OK?

Bottom line is your H is a dealer who accepts 'free' blow jobs from strippers.

You have no idea what people he is bringing into your and your DCs lives. If his 'mate' is massively in debt to these people it is not good that you are now down the line involved.

Just to add another question into the mix- if he was making the extra income that (I can only assume) someone makes from drug dealing, why wasn't he using it to support the family he 'loves' so much

Can I just say there is no need to keep reiterating what he has said he has done, the OP knows it, no one needs it ramming in their faces over and over again . I’m pretty sure she isn’t going to forgive this level of crap. I don’t think she really needs to know if it’s above and beyond this unless she wants to. Be kind to yourself OP, go to GPS if you think you might need a bit of help, ask friends if you need an hour to yourself at any point, and don’t beat yourself up in any way and don’t feel the need to keep updates if you don’t feel like it, real life isn’t eastenders!!

He's a massive cunt.

Unless you're 100% sure you won't reconcile...don't tell your DM what he's done. He'll be looked at with contempt when you've forgiven him and want everyone else to be okay with it.

Have to agree with others...if this is what he told you. The truth must be a lot worse.

Yes, if OP leaves this man, and does not inform the police she's looking at potentially 50 percent access time with the DC alone with a man who has admitted drug dealing. This would be an absolute over my dead body scenario for me regardless of the stripper. The DC are of an age to mistake pills for sweets also.

The OP has a lot to process here and it isn't going to solve itself quickly or easily.

I hope you know op how strong and dignified you are.

You see this:

Unless you're 100% sure you won't reconcile...don't tell your DM what he's done.

is why I didn't tell anyone about ex's first affair - and it just ate away at me. It felt like it was my dirty secret, not just his.

Also, someone with more legal knowledge than I have will be able to advise, isn't there a 6-month limit to being able to divorce for adultery?

the backstory is irrelavent and probably bullshit. he basically kept a secret phone to meet up with a woman and has probably had sex with her multiple times.

If police come to search your house for suspected drugs, wouldn't it reassure you when your home is declared either cleared of drugs or drugs free? You will have co-operated with them, no blame will be attached to you, no risk of your kids finding any.

If Social Services are informed, all they will want to know is - Are you taking steps to keep your children safe? And you can say, Yes, I've thrown him out. Yes, I've reported everything to the police. Yes, I am happy to co-operate fully with you to protect my children.

You need a trail of evidence though. Start with the Police.

So Lowlife 'friend' got in trouble with''Mr Big' Drug dealer for not selling enough, so Lowlife sold a stash to Dh? Using family money, no doubt. Dh then 'sold' some to Stripper, who paid with a BJ? Wonder how many others paid in kind?

What a Twat.

You are so much better off without, OP.

Ive been reading but not commenting until now.
I'm in disbelief for you, you must be disgusted.
What little regard he has for your feelings and life together.
Remove him from being your partner as quickly as you are and treat him with the contempt he deserves. What a lowlife.
My first LTB
Have a lovely time with your mum and I hope you are able to dismiss this tool and move on as of today.
You deserve so much better and so do your kids

If there are drugs involved I will eat my hat.

It is all an elaborate story so that he can look like the victim for having to suffer the indignity of being caught and can keep his cushty number.

Aw poor me - I HAD to have blow jobs because I am a philandering wanker felt neglected. Nah - she won't buy that. She needs a story... any old pish'll do it.

Boulechit.

Your DP has allowed someone to pay in gobbles? Never heard that one before - cracked me up

OP you're on the start of a journey of much soul-searching and decision-making.
Is one of the reasons why you're loath to tell your mum the full story is because, given her past experience - she'd seen some signs and had been trying to warn you? Maybe she'd said something after the 2nd or 3rd child? After all 'something' has prevented you two from getting married ....

You said money is owed for the drugs. Let's change the movie channel from 'Matilda' to 'Sicario'. Except that people are killed in real life over owed drugs money.
If your dh is not already in this world why would he willingly involve himself??? I highly doubt that a regular family man would not go near any of this with a barge pole. When the ppl higher up the drugs chain come demanding money from the 'bad friend' (who most likely has been used as an alibi on many an occasion by dh - so small wonder u dont like him ..... but my dad always used to say - show me your friends and I'll tell you who you are .... consequently I didn't bring many of them home ) - won't he say that John Harris of 12 Beech Drive is holding it for him? Then after breaking his legs, won't they just drive on the 12 Beech Drive...
Anyway hopefully no drugs are involved and not-so-dear half just made that part up.

His mate didn't make him get a BJ from a stripper. I hope you're ok. You're dealing with this amazingly well and putting the kids first which is more than he did when he got involved with drugs and strippers. Fuck him off. He doesn't deserve you! Sending posi vibes your way xx

Maybe drugs are not involved but can you take that risk?
Maybe there are drugs hidden in your home OP. What if one of your children found them?
What if the police raided your house and found them- and interviewed you? You knew of your OH dealing, yet you conspired to stay silent.

The police and social services would take a dim view of that.

Contact the police and be honest.
That is the best way to protect yourself and your children.

Lying dirty fucker. Keep him gone.

I agree with the pp, if Police are led to your address, there is no honour around dealers, then SS will become involved, you may lose your children if they think you knew and did nothing to protect your dc.

you need to turn him in OP, to protect your family. It will go on record and SS will see you have done all you can.
Do not give the slime ball anything, he doesn't deserve you and a family.

God how awful OP, poor you.

Tbh the main reason I'd be considering telling the police would be to beg them to send a dog round to search the house and car. What if any drugs are hidden and the DC find them? A horrible situation could become utterly tragic.

Does this mean that the stripper owes the drug dealing friend for drugs but is giving your partner BJs in lieu of the cash she owes and it's your partner who is paying the drug dealer instead?

Alternatively, is the drug dealing irrelevant to the BJs but the stripper just fancies the OP's partner so is giving him BJs - in which case what's in it for her? They'd be having sex.

You will get closer to the truth when you tell him you have requested he sees the dc in a contact centre, because you don't want them round drug dealers and have involved ss.
Whether his tall story is true or not, you need to protect your dc.

Hope you are coping okay OP.

If this turns out that you'd like to try again, just be very careful about relationship counselling or getting outside help. If you mention drugs a counsellor might involve Child services as they are obliged to. Well that's the case in Ireland. Not sure about UK.

I have nothing to add except that I hope you are ok and enjoying some of your mum's cooking. What a terrible discovery. You are one amazing woman.

So sorry OP
Just a thought, so many are saying how SS may get involved with your kids if your DH has stayed nvolved drugs and dealers in your life. If you are worried you can ring the NSPCC anonymously and ask their advice. They should be able to tell you how things would go with the kids if you went down the reporting to police route. Woman's Aid will also have experience of this and will advise you on best course of action. Good luck OP