Oh fuck. I think I’ve just found an affair phone

[FuckyDuzz]

Well it’s not really an ‘I think’ really, I just have

There was an unfamiliar beeping coming from the coat/shoe cupboard so I went in to investigate and found a phone in DPs coat, a cheap little Nokia with just one contact - a woman’s name

I am home alone with 4 kids trying not to cry but honestly I could throw up right now
Wtf

Really feeling so heart sore for you OP 💔
In hindsight, I wonder if it may have been a good idea to have recorded the conversation with him when you asked him to explain himself.
(Just incase you ever needed it as evidence - God forbid, that it ever comes to that!!)
Cannot even begin to imagine how jaded you must be feeling right now.
Did he ever admit to being with the stripper the other evening when he came home at 2am? He'll no doubt deny & lie and say he was with a mate!? Sadly, you'll never be able to believe another word that comes out of his mouth!
Hoping that time spent with your DM today will be of great comfort to you and give you the strength & guidance to face the challenges ahead.
Thinking of you 💕

I'm so sorry to read this update OP.

What an utter, utter cunt.

Whether his sordid beyond words story is true or not (and if it isn't I dread to think how much worse it could be) he has shown his true colours and you and your dc are so, so much better and safer without him.

Glad you've told your mum the gist of it and that she's looking after you today.

I do think you should tell her and other people in RL as this is a lot to process and deal with alone. Involving police or not, safeguarding your dc, protecting your finances, changing locks etc...

I have to say though that you are doing bloody brilliantly and I admire your strength and sang froid.

Just take one day at a time.

Oh sorry i see the "offering different ways to pay". What a load of shit.

I guess whether or not his story is true is irrelevant.

Hes either sold drugs and had blow jobs or he's made that up to cover up something worse.

Either of those possibilties is more than enough to boot him out. I wouldn't bother wasting my energy trying to work out if it's true or not. Would just finish things. Am sorry.

So very sorry to read this.
Definitely worse nightmare
Thank god you have your mum
And I have no words for him except to say that he’s lost more than he will ever gain

Just read all of this and really feel for you, OP. Not matter what his story is, he's disrespected you, his children, and doesn't deserve any further time from you, it's grim to think of what he's been up! I could never forgive such a betrayal of trust. Time to get out, however painful it is.

So sorry to read the excuses he came up with

Really great you have your mum to support you in RL, hope today will help you feel better talking it over with her.

Also, that as your not "D"P is not on deeds of house, not married etc you can just change the locks and not let him back in the house

If the drugs are "hard" drugs I would report him and his lowlife scummy mate to the police so that if something happens in the future that you and your children are safe from social services or police saying you knew all about it, protected and helped him.

If there is any chance he has hidden them in the house or your car and you have locked him out, he will be desperate to get them.

Our neighbours, in our old house had the police sniffer dogs raid their house early one morning a couple of days before we moved out. Our friends from down the road said he was now in prison and the house is still all shut up a year and a bit later when we went down to visit them. So they will take it seriously, so don't want the same thing to happen for you. If you don't tell them before they come to ask you iyswim

If the drugs involved are "soft" drugs I have no idea if it makes any difference to the authorities (police and social services etc)

Hope today with your mum helps to make you feel better

I can only imagine that you're reeling right now. Please tell your mum everything so it's out there and you can't slip into rationalizing it as time goes on. I'm so sorry for you - he's right, it's not an affair, imo it's worse. Just low class, despicable cheating.

Am I the only one here thinking that the drugs thing is rubbish and it's just him with another other woman? And saying all that so it looks like he didn't do it all off his own bat, and that he was easily led (as he knows OP hates this guy) so the dick's behaviour doesn't appear as bad.

Or am I missing something here?

He would've had to think of something very quickly, how was his reaction and did he panic?

Enjoy lunch with your mum x

And I think the phone is his too, not his friends

Op this still has to be your decision & nobody else’s as to what you do, again you can change your mind over and again but don’t rush into doing anything.

People on MN will tell you to do all sorts of things, ultimately you have to be sure if what you’re doing, so take your time.

From what you’ve written, I doubt his story and if I was in your shoes I would be looking through his bank statements- I’d be looking for the money used on escorts. Sadly as another poster states, the story about drugs for blow jobs doesn’t stack up.

One tip if you do talk to him again - liars can’t tell lies backwards, as it’s not a real story they struggle if they can’t tell there made up story from start to finish. So keep stopping him and ask questions jumping about...

I'm so sorry, OP

BUT: I shut that shit down straight away I will not be blamed for this
You are AWESOME.

Hope you can have at least a bit of a nice day with your mum for company.

The story is weird.
Who would start to sell drugs to help his friend?
Why couldn't the friend just sell them? What does your dp bring to the table?
When has he been doing this? Surely he would be out loads and have a phone ringing nights and weekend if he was selling drugs?

Regardless. If this is why he has admitted to the truth is probably worse.

Even if it happened exactly how he said then he is endangering your family by getting messed up with drugs and the violence and risk that accompanies it.

He has also admitted to at least getting blow jobs from a stripper.

It's all too awful to comprehend. I'm so sorry that this is how it turned out. But you can walk away. He caused this not you.

Tell your mum or a friend. You need to talk this through with sometime real life.

I do think you should tell her and other people in RL as this is a lot to process and deal with alone. Involving police or not, safeguarding your dc, protecting your finances, changing locks etc...

OP, you have a lot to lose and you need to protect and safeguard everything as quickly as possible.

If you can get help, now is the time to take it.

Just wanted to add to all the messages of support. I'm sure right now you are in total shock. Just 100% focus on your children. Be calm and dignified. They need you to protect their world as best you can. You want to be able to look back on this time and know that you handled it in the most adult way possible with your children's best interests at the centre. You are a fantastic mum and your children will continue to be testament to that and make you very proud. You can do this.

It's not easy but you don't want that in your life.... please Erase him, he's a total loser

WTF Jesus what a shock!
So sorry OP

Even if we believe his story, it is worse than and affair. It really shows what he actually thinks of women and other vilnerable groups,doesn't it! Even of it is made up, the fact he thinks this is reasonable excuse speeks volumes about him.

He said you werent goving him enough attention. Is he giving his children enough attention? Does he behave like an equal parent?

He had been dealing drugs. Exploitation.

He has been getting sexual payment for drugs from a vulnerable drug user. Exploitation.

He has been deceitful.

The op hasnt said he took blow jobs as payment has she?

She said that the stripper had bought some, but then she was offering different ways to pay and had took a shine to him.

I have to say, I think he's minimising his role in it all, as every cheat always does.

Something came into my head, and it's purely speculative, but he's only half told you the truth.

I doubt his friend got him involved as he had too much to offload. Perhaps he saw his friend doing it and wanted a part of it, so got involved in the dealing himself. Perhaps for money of his own to waste on strippers/prostitutes?

Obviously he's trying to take some of the blame off of him by implicating his friends 'dilemma'. But I doubt that's why he really got involved. Not that it matters, the fact is he got involved and put you all at risk.

Remember, you hate his friend and think he's a dickhead and always there when something shit happens (so obviously other things have happened before but not this bad). Remember they are friends for a reason, they see eye to eye. Nobody who's a decent person would be close friends with the likes of this man. They have a friendship as they are clearly very similar, he's just hidden that side of himself away from you.

If it's true .... I'm thinking this wouldn't be the man I want to spend my life with. Where do I start - it's all so seedy and dangerous. Your children deserve so much better too. If you decide to end this relationship focus on being as dignified as you've been here, protect the kids and move on.

This has brought back painful memories for me and others I'm sure. But we've all moved on and survived intact and stronger emotionally than we thought...

And also, if his friends needed contacts why could her partner just have given him the contact details and not become directly involved? Or better yet, tell his stupid friend to do one. We know its a lie

I read it as the friend needed money urgently - did he pay his friend upfront for the drugs?

I think above anything else, this man has put your family at huge financial and physical risk.

If he truly loved you and your family that much, he wouldn't have got caught up in this and exposed your family to the danger of dealing re drugs including but not limited to police involvement, prison, assets potentially being frozen as potential proceeds of crime. That is before you even get to him cheating!