Boyfriend got married

[Shockedgirl]

Not sure what I’m looking for here but in shock and could do with some virtual support.

I have been seeing a guy since April, it’s been going well. Nice dates, lots of texts, long phone calls etc. He’s stayed over at mine when my kids have been away and we had a chat about being exclusive. He’d been telling me for a
while that he had a two week holiday booked and a few weeks beforehand he said that he wouldn’t be contactable during the holiday. With the benefit of hindsight that now seems a bit odd but at the time I didn’t really give it much thought.
Anyway since he went I have noticed that he has been online on WhatsApp a lot which is odd as he said he wasn’t going to be able to access it at all due to lack of internet etc.

Long story short, I did some digging and low and behold, the holiday was actually him getting married! There is nothing about it on his Facebook or insta but loads of pics on his new wife’s account and other family members. I just feel completely shocked and very hurt. I discovered it last night and in my initial shock and upset I thought I should send a message to his wife letting her know what he is actually like but I didn’t and now in the cold light of day I just think that would be an awful thing to do to her just after her wedding.

I just feel totally physically sick that I have been involved in this. I have looked at the pics and they look so happy and I am just so gutted that he isn’t the man I thought he was and also that I have been caught up in something so bloody awful and that I have fallen for it. I haven’t contacted him and I have blocked his number so he can’t contact me. I’ll be fine and obviously it wasn’t a very long time that we were together but I’m just feeling really crap and in shock.

*It is victim blaming.

And as for ‘the right thing to do’, using abuse and vulnerability to get someone to do anything is not ok.

The OP is not responsible for this man’s shit. At all. In any way.*

It's not. I am the victim of abuse, and because of that I hate to see it anywhere else, I can't stand it because I know what it's like.

She's not responsible for what he does, no. But she's responsible for what she now knows. As I said earlier and other posters too, it's about what we owe to each other, not just ourselves. The wife is a victim, as the OP is, and she should know.

She's not responsible for and doesn't "owe" anyone anything except herself and her two young children. She needs to prioritise keeping herself and them safe and physically and mentally healthy and if letting this woman know that her husband is an unfaithful pig would jeopardise that then she has absolutely no responsibility to do it.

Op has been treated appallingly as has this shits wife.
But despite the fact most of us would appreciate being told what a shit we had married it us not the ops responsibility to be that person. She owes the wife nothing. She has to put herself and her family first and if she believes telling would impact on her familys well being thats her choice to protect herself and them.

In an ideal world yes she would send the evidence to both him and his poor wife but life is rarely ideal. But the wife no doubt has friends who know what a shit he is, there is always someone who knows, if they havent told her why should op be the messenger who gets shot?

If it op thought it would be hassle free then yes tell her but if she fears the repurcussions them she must do whats best for her and her kids. Life isnt black and white.

I would tell his wife so she has the chance to get an annulment. She deserves to know what she has married before he gets her pregnant. I would want to know.

Just tell the wife and walk away block etc.
Don't worry or over think .

He s taken advantage of you big time the wankshit you Should be f*ing angry
I am on your behalf .

The turd doesn't deserve to get away with this .
I'm so angry for you