Holy fuck, help me!

[HarshingMyMellow]

I split up with my partner a few months ago, he walked out and I haven't heard from him since.

Before we split up I had a miscarriage.

I've been feeling rough lately (fatigue) so did a few pregnancy tests which all came back negative, I am still having periods.

I went to the GP this morning after having some blood tests done a week ago and he's informed me that I am in fact pregnant.
I haven't slept with anyone since splitting up with my partner, and going by the last time we slept together (calculations on period tracker app) I could be as much as 20 weeks!
I can't understand it. The negative pregnancy tests, still having regular periods, no morning sickness. Nothing!

I am in a state of shock. I don't know what to do.
I already have toddler DD (ex hasn't seen her since he left either) and now I have to make all these decisions I don't want to make.
I was taking the pill too.

I've got to visit the clinic next week for a dating scan, if I am as far along as I have worked out I'll have a week to decide what to do.
I can't have another baby on my own with no support, I doubt ex will do much. I have no family to talk to.

What do I do? What would you do?
I feel physically sick with worry.

[QueenElsie]

Congratulations!

[ajandjjmum]

Take care of yourself.

[HarshingMyMellow]

I plucked up the courage to tell ex.

Tried to call him, no answer so I called ExMiL instead.
She's thrilled to bits, wanted to come rushing round to see me, asking what I needed (if anything), how I was feeling...

I said I'd tried to contact ex first but couldn't get through and she offered to get him to contact me.

He rang about half an hour later and I'm still in shock about the conversation.
He thinks that we should give our relationship another go, he misses me and DD (hasn't given a single fuck about her since he walked out though!) and that we should try and work on our 'differences' for the sake of the new baby.
(Those being the slimy reasons he walked out for - cheating on me)

He went on to say that he was out shopping at the moment for his holiday (!!!!) but would pop round after.

I'm very wary. I don't want to trust him. He really hurt me and the way he has treated DD is beyond vile. I don't want to give him the opportunity to that to her again.

I said I'd meet him at some point and that was that.

[BeyondMyThoughts]

Ex mil sounds lovely OP and even if you don't get back with him it sounds like you have her support

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Use the opportunity to speak to Ex about how he is going to pay maintenance for his DC and be brisk about contact arrangements. Make it clear that there is no 'we' in this situation - you are no longer together but you are happy to discuss how he meets his obligations as a father.

[HarshingMyMellow]

@BeyondMyThoughts She is an absolute angel. I'm NC with my mother and she took me under her wing as one of her own. Adore her.

@BlessYourCottonSocks I'm thinking something along the same lines. I was trying to work out how to word it, your post is perfect.

I'm a bit miffed about his holiday if I'm honest. Not a penny for DD, nor has he seen her but he can book a last minute 'lads' holiday (mid 30s for fucks sake) and spend a fortune on clothes.

I forgot how selfish he was.

[IVEgotthePOWER]

I would be miffed too. If he cba with your dd now then his attitide will likely be the same when this one is born once the novelty wears off.

You can do this though.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Urgh, I'd like to bet his mother has twisted his arm to get him to suggest you get back together. In all honesty I think that's the last thing you should do though!

He's shown no interest in your DD, no interest or care for you, he's sent you no money for his DD and he's spending out on a holiday abroad? Fuck that! Useless cheating manchild. You don't need that in your life.

You should be more than a "bit miffed" - you should be fucking fuming that he's such a selfish deadbeat dad!

ExMIL sounds lovely though. Try to keep her on side at least.

[HarshingMyMellow]

Thank you both.

I'm battling along, really need to get my arse in gear and start working out what I need to get ready for baby.
I'm going to sort a gender scan out too. Will be so much easier if it's a girl!

I haven't got the energy to be fuming with him anymore. He let me down so much that I expect no more, he was supposed to pop in today for a chat, a no show of course.
Turns out the pub is far more important.
Twat.

Going for lunch with exMiL tomorrow though, she wants to go baby shopping haha.

[IVEgotthePOWER]

So good you have ex mil on side op

Enjoy your shopping!

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Hope you've had a nice lunch with exMIL. I managed to stay on good terms with my exMIL who was lovely and kind whilst having nothing to do with her waster of a son. It is possible to separate the two and that sounds your best bet.

[DragonNoodleCake]

Well having your exMIL to help you is great. Her putting her DGC first is fab (and IMO the right thing to do) You can do this 😀 best of luck for your Christmas baby, it will be great for your DD x

[DragonNoodleCake]

I meant to say, 15 years, a marriage and another child later and my exMIL is still brilliant and is very supportive of me and DD1

[MonaLisaSimpson]

Just found this thread, congratulations! My ex disappeared for a few years when I was pregnant but his parents were brilliant.

I would suggest contacting CMS now, before the new baby is here, about maintenance for number 1.

[Brenna24]

I am so glad that your ex MIL is so lovely. Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and fingers crossed for a second wee girl for you. I am really hoping we have another girl so that I can get all my favourite outfits back out again.

[Brenna24]

Oh and definitely contact CMS now. It doesn't sound like your ex will be good at providing for your wee ones if he isn't forced to. What a knob he is being at the moment.

[HarshingMyMellow]

Thank you!

Shopping with MiL was lovely and I'm going to contact CMS tomorrow.

Just plodding along for now!

[Powerless]

CMS won't do anything at all until the child is born and Child Benefit is in payment.

Good luck! X

[Brenna24]

Powerless, they will do something now about their first child.

I am glad that the shopping went well.

[HarshingMyMellow]

Meant to be seeing ex tomorrow for a chat, will see if that materialises.

Won't hold my breath!

Thank you.

[NadiaLeon]

You'll cope OP. It may not be easy, but you'll cope.
When our backs are against the wall and we have no options, humans normally cope. There really isn't another option, so you may as well enjoy your new arrival.

[TheExamStartsNow]

Good luck, no

[HarshingMyMellow]

Thank you both.

Ex case to speak to me.
I mentioned to him that I didn't think us getting back together was a very good idea, given the circumstances.

He went mental.

Ranting and raving. He then said 'well at least that means I can shag away on this holiday!' before storming off.
I couldn't help but laugh at him, the silly bastard.

[EinsteinsArousedSausagesHCB]

Well, I guess his reaction helps to reinforce exactly why he's an ex........is it wrong to hope he catches something horrendous from shagging away on his hols?

Good luck with everything OP.

[Teabay]

You're such a strong lady OP!
I bet he'd forgotten that you can eat him for breakfast!

Secretly I'm hoping for another girl for you - girls rule.