Holy fuck, help me!

[HarshingMyMellow]

I split up with my partner a few months ago, he walked out and I haven't heard from him since.

Before we split up I had a miscarriage.

I've been feeling rough lately (fatigue) so did a few pregnancy tests which all came back negative, I am still having periods.

I went to the GP this morning after having some blood tests done a week ago and he's informed me that I am in fact pregnant.
I haven't slept with anyone since splitting up with my partner, and going by the last time we slept together (calculations on period tracker app) I could be as much as 20 weeks!
I can't understand it. The negative pregnancy tests, still having regular periods, no morning sickness. Nothing!

I am in a state of shock. I don't know what to do.
I already have toddler DD (ex hasn't seen her since he left either) and now I have to make all these decisions I don't want to make.
I was taking the pill too.

I've got to visit the clinic next week for a dating scan, if I am as far along as I have worked out I'll have a week to decide what to do.
I can't have another baby on my own with no support, I doubt ex will do much. I have no family to talk to.

What do I do? What would you do?
I feel physically sick with worry.

You can’t wait a week.

I agree with calling the EPU.

If you are around 20 weeks then your uterus will be palpable. Did the GP palpate to check? If not, can you get a midwife appointment quickly for examination and advice? They may be able to get you a scan quicker than your GP.

What a shock

I hope you get a scan soon op

Can you call the epu or ask your GP for contact details of midwife?

Is there any way you could ask your friend for a loan for an unexpected Bill?

Sorry, I've been trying to sort a scan out.

My EPU can fit me in on Friday so I took that one. Tried to speak to my GP receptionists about an appointment with the midwife but she wouldn't book me one for some strange reason.

@AgathaF no he didn't check. He was pretty useless if I'm honest. Told me so matter of factly that I was pregnant and sent me on my way to wait for the scan.
Didn't even have a chance to speak about my concerns before he ushered me out.

It's been a pretty awful day to be honest. All I want to do now is sleep, I'm exhausted.

I'd love to say I know exactly what I'm doing, but I have no idea. I can't bring myself to terminate now and if I carry to term there's no chance I'll have the baby adopted. So it looks like there only one option and I'm sure I'll be happy once it's here but the shock is still overwhelming right now.

Hang in there harshing
I think the only thing you can trust/listen to right now is your gut.
Sounds like what is right for you is getting clearer.
Wishing the next few days fly by for you.

Would you consider telling your friend now? Could they maybe go with you on Friday?

Thank you all for being so kind. Just to answer some other questions...

No exP doesn't pay child support. I haven't had a penny from him since he walked out.

I'm trying to get my head around what a molar pregnancy is (it's been a long day) would I only find out by having a scan?

@Hygge I've been looking for a counsellor today too. Found a couple in my local area so will give them a call.
I feel as though I've been hit by a train today, my brain is fogged up.

@springydaff your lovely post has made me cry. Thank you x

@Foodylicious Thank you.
I really don't feel as though I can stomach telling anyone at the moment.

I'd be roughly 20 weeks pregnant, how do I explain that to people?
I can't work out myself how I've managed to carry a baby for this long and have no clue, I wouldn't even know where to begin in telling other people.

God, I feel like such an idiot.

No need to feel like an idiot.
There are all sorts of reasons people don't find out/realise till late on.

Also just to add, that if you want/need to talk to someone after friday, you should get priority through local IAPT services when pg

That's terribly hard OP. Do you have or can you get your hands on a Doppler?! I have an at home one and you'd get a heart beat easy @20 weeks...and before. At least your know then.

I would love to keep this baby. I've always wanted two,.....I think about terminating the pregnancy and I feel like I want to vomit.

There's your answer then.

for you. You must be in total shock.

Wow,what a complete head melter. Don't worry about how to explain it to other people how you didn't know for so long. It is none of their business. Plus, you did have your suspicions, but the tests were negative, so you thought there must be another explanation. I am glad that the EPU are fitting you in on Friday.

I think by the sounds of things you have made your decision, and I am utterly sure you will cope even if you can't see it now.

I've had a molar pregnancy, which was only picked up at my 12 week scan. I'm assuming that's the only way you can tell as everything else was normal'

Just do what's best for you, try not to worry about your ex, this needs to be what you are comfortable with

What a shock op 💐
Please be kind to yourself xx

OP you are not an idiot at all. It happened to a family member when she was on the Pill (the surprise baby is now 22).

And to Zoe Williams! www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/mar/13/anti-natal-zoe-williams

And it sounds like you have had a lot on your mind lately. You must be so in shock right now so sleep on it. Keep us posted.

Your GP sounds hopeless, I really wouldn’t trust his judgement on this. I would go to A&E, because I could not wait until Friday and you shouldn’t have to, it’s not your fault the NHS is in such a state.

You’re not ‘stupid’ & there’s nothing to feel guilty about.

IF it was me and I was pregnant, I’d embrace having the second child I had wanted and a sibling for DD. Finances will work themselves out. I wouldntbtell dickhead, he’s not interested in a child he already knew, let alone an unborn on one. pluS, then duck ducjhead he us, hell pribably say it’s not his.

As an aside, don’t chase him for contact with DD, you can’t make him WANT contact with her and it will be far worse for her to have him coming and going. Get the CSA to chase him for payments.

It will be ok if you are pregnant 🌷, but you need to find out ASAP.

Thank you again for all your posts. It sounds silly but your kind words do mean a lot to me.

@mikado1 I don't have one.
I threw it in the bin whilst pregnant with DD, I couldn't find her heartbeat a handful of times and drove myself, ExP and the Maternity Unit crazy because of it!

@holasoydora I didn't realise just how common it was. Quite scary when you think about it!
I've read the odd trashy magazine story about how people didn't know they were pregnant until they were in labour, I can't imagine the shock of that. I'm engulfed now and I still have 19 (ish?) weeks to go.

@WitchDancer That's awful. I'm sorry to hear about that. I've been googling but really to no avail.

@AnnieAnoniMoose I really wasn't happy with the care I received from him today. I don't know what I expected though, he's a GP that refuses to prescribe the pill and will not talk about pregnancy choices (know this from a friends experience.)

Thank you for your kind words.
I will 100% not be chasing him anymore, I've got too much on my plate now without trying to make him be a father.
After the scan on Friday I will arrange to meet up with his mum though.
I think -if nothing else- she deserves to know. She hasn't given up on DD or me since ExP walked out.

I am starting to come to terms with things a little bit more.

Practically, I know I can make this work. I think the fear came from having the decision taken out of my hands by finding out so late.
Just a few months ago I'd have been overjoyed to be in this position, that's why I feel so guilty and selfish. I lost that baby. I was heartbroken.
Now I'm lucky enough to have another chance and I feel angry.
It makes me sound awful.

As an aside, because I didn't know I've taken no folic acid, I've been drinking (occasional glasses of wine and G&T in this weather), I've been vaping, I've had boiling hot baths, I've eaten stuff I probably shouldn't have, I've been taking my extremely strong pain medication.
I'm petrified now that I've done some damage, very angry at myself for that also.

My head is buggered.

Harshing, please don't worry about all that. Yes, ideally, you'd have had folic acid, but the optimum time to take that is at conception and even women who find out several weeks after conception have missed that optimum window, and the overwhelming majority of babies are just fine. As for booze, when you consider how much our parent's generation boozed during pregnancy (before the guidelines changed- my mum was prescribed guiness for low iron and a tonic wine to ease her nerves) you should see that it is v low risk. And if the hot baths and food were going to cause a problem, it would almost certainly have presented as a spontaneous problem before now. There is v little in the way of studies re vaping but most people seem to agree it is far less harmful than cigarette smoking. If you do turn out to be pregnant and are still worried, then ask to speak to a consultant re this and the pain meds you've been taken- I suspect they will be able to put your mind at rest (I know people with chronic pain conditions who have still medicated throughout pregnancies under guidance without any issues.)

I hope you get on ok on Friday, or earlier if you can get yourself an earlier appointment (in the circumstances I'd be calling daily and begging for a cancellation!! Can you bring yourself to do that?)

Good luck❤️

When I had a miscarriage I still had all the symptoms of pregnancy. Drs gave me a blood test and said my hormone levels (HCG??) were 42,000 which they were shocked by and I asked what they should be and they said 50. This was some time after but I can’t quite remember dates. Obviously not 5 months after though.

@CardinalCat thank you. I needed that! My rational side has gone to pot recently.
I did ring up to beg ask for a cancellation today but nothing unfortunately. Will try again tomorrow.

@Chocolatefudgecake100 Thank you!

@Nagaram It was roughly 5 months ago now that I had the miscarriage. I was 7 weeks at the time.
I just don't think the levels would still be so high. I'm very confused at the minute.