Holy fuck, help me!

[HarshingMyMellow]

I split up with my partner a few months ago, he walked out and I haven't heard from him since.

Before we split up I had a miscarriage.

I've been feeling rough lately (fatigue) so did a few pregnancy tests which all came back negative, I am still having periods.

I went to the GP this morning after having some blood tests done a week ago and he's informed me that I am in fact pregnant.
I haven't slept with anyone since splitting up with my partner, and going by the last time we slept together (calculations on period tracker app) I could be as much as 20 weeks!
I can't understand it. The negative pregnancy tests, still having regular periods, no morning sickness. Nothing!

I am in a state of shock. I don't know what to do.
I already have toddler DD (ex hasn't seen her since he left either) and now I have to make all these decisions I don't want to make.
I was taking the pill too.

I've got to visit the clinic next week for a dating scan, if I am as far along as I have worked out I'll have a week to decide what to do.
I can't have another baby on my own with no support, I doubt ex will do much. I have no family to talk to.

What do I do? What would you do?
I feel physically sick with worry.

[ohreallyohreallyoh]

I found out I was pregnant a week after my ex walked out. It was an awful time. I did consider a termination but it was fleeting. I have coped fine and you can too, if you want to. But if it feels too much, a termination is absolutely an option. What does your gut tell you?

[Hygge]

You would not be an awful person for choosing to terminate even at a late stage.

I wouldn't tell your ex anything yet, you don't need the extra stress his input is likely to bring.

If you want to speak to someone, pick someone you trust who won't tell your ex.

It sounds like he's already being a shit father to your DD, so don't be guilted into having another child he can also be a shit father to if you don't want or don't feel able to have that child alone.

Try and get an emergency scan as quickly as possible, even if you insist to your GP that you cannot wait another day and need to know to make your decision. You need to know for certain if you are pregnant and how far along that pregnancy may be.

Try to be gentle on yourself. This isn't your fault and it isn't an ideal situation to be making a decision at what you think is a late stage so it needs to be decided quickly, but you have to make the decision for you and your DD and whatever you decide is okay. It won't make you a bad person if you feel you can't go through with the pregnancy or if you feel that you want to go ahead with it.

for you. I hope it all works out for the best for you.

[Slidyslide]

Could you try doing another home test?

[Beaverhausen]

OP ultimately the choice is yours but take it from someone and please believe me when I say I am not trying to guilt you but I had a late termination with an unwanted pregnancy and to this day it haunts me and it has been 22 years.

I know this is not going to be easy and I honestly hope you make the right decision for you. You are in my thoughts during the very difficult time. xx

[Notevilstepmother]

Will ex Mil support you? and a handhold

[Slimmingsnake]

Two children are easier than one,they play together and amuse each other ..more expensive,yes,but tax credits will help you out here,you have done nothing wrong.....life is what happens when you are busy making plans x💐💐

[violeticecream]

I would also advise trying to get a scan done ASAP. There is a possibility that it could be a molar pregnancy although they are not common. I had one. It's important to find out as it needs follow up treatment for your future health
I would def go to a and e. Complain that of bad abdominal pains. Explain about the situation. They would definitely give you a scan.

[15star]

Wait until the scan before contacting him because you dont know what's going on yet . You might be better off ringing your hospitals early pregnancy unit (epu) there will be a phone number on their website. Explain the situation to a midwife and they may be able to get you in. Where I live you can get scans at the epu if there's any issues, if you've been having periods and a recent miscarriage they may be able to fit you in

[heartsease68]

I wouldn't take it as certain that you're pregnant. I'd really prioritise further tests and scans ASAP.

[LoveInTokyo]

Have the scan and then decide what you are going to do.

Don't tell your ex unless you decide to keep the baby.

[HarshingMyMellow]

Thank you all for your lovely words. As I say, I don't have anyone in RL to talk to this about.
I feel suffocated.

My friend has just popped in and offered to take DD for the day (she said I looked rough..) so I've got the day to myself now.
I don't know about A and E. Wouldn't I be wasting their time?
I spoke to the GP about what else it could be, but he said with the high levels of hormone in my blood he is almost certain that it's a pregnancy.

I'm never usually so indecisive but this has knocked the wind out of me.

I don't want to speak to MiL if I can help it. She's a lovely lady but she will want me to keep the baby. In her religion abortion/adoption are a big no no and although she's not practicing, those are some of the values she holds very dear.
It would just make me feel more awful than I already do.

I would love to keep this baby. I've always wanted two, but again I worry about coping. Moving soon, money is tight.
It's not fair on DD or a new baby.
But then I think about terminating the pregnancy and I feel like I want to vomit.

I just wouldn't know where to start. I don't know where to start.
My head is all over the place and now I've got the headache from hell.

Thank you for the EPU suggestion. I didn't think of them. I'll aim to get a scan ASAP.
I know it may not be a pregnancy, but the GP was pretty certain and if he's correct. I have at most 2 weeks to make a huge decision which is really no time at all.

[Guest2025]

Really worries me how much people advocate lying at a&e departments for scans :/

OP I would explain your situation to an EPU perhaps, or push the situation with a GP. But please don't pretend you're in pain, it's really not on.

[yetmorecrap]

Another one here Who says go to A And E, at this far along you need to know pronto

[billybagpuss]

Oh my thats such a shock.

Whatever you decide I'm wishing you strength and good health. You can cope with whatever you do. Don't tell exMIL until you know where you are in your own head, no point adding to the stress.

[IDontEatFriedTurtle]

Really worries me how much people advocate lying at a&e departments for scans :/


What isn't on is making a woman who is getting close to being forced to have a baby wait until it is too late. I wouldnt advocate it in pretty much any other scenerio, but think it would be appropriate here. Especially as the OP is still having periods and negative tests previous miscarriages. I'd be worried something was going on besides pregnancy.

[Hygge]

Don't tell your ex or your ex-MIL.

Their religion is nothing to do with your decision.

I know a PP suggested adoption as an alternative to termination if you felt that was the best way.

It's entirely your choice and it's not a bad suggestion but again, you need to know the facts to make the choice, and you need to know them quickly. If you put the baby up for adoption is there a chance that your ex or his mother may try to get the baby themselves?

Because how would you feel if they did? You wouldn't have the baby but you'd likely be in contact with it, or you DD would. Could you cope with that? Could you cope as time went on and years went by and questions were asked?

With the best will in the world OP, you need your scan quickly so you can know the situation as it stands and you can consider your options from a position of knowledge not fear.

Is there any chance of you having an appointment with a counsellor too? You could pay for a one-off appointment with a Person-Centred counsellor who will let you talk through your feelings and it might help you make a decision.

[Hygge]

I mean a proper counsellor as well, one who won't try to influence you.

Don't go to one of those organisations that are a front for forced-birth organisations.

A genuine counsellor will not offer you advice or solutions or tell you what to do. They won't judge or try to influence you one way or the other.

[Guest2025]

What isn't on is making a woman who is getting close to being forced to have a baby wait until it is too late

I absolutely agree with this statement , I don't think she's being taken care of correctly. OP can demand better care without the need to lie. her reasoning is legit enough.

[MadisonAvenue]

Hope you manage to get an earlier scan OP, making you wait under these circumstances is outrageous.

Wishing you all the best.

[Vandree]

You would absolutely 100% not be wasting A&E time. With the miscarriage, periods still happening etc I would be worrying about retained products or a molar pregnancy. You need to rule them out before you can make a decision about anything else. I had a recent miscarriage and I was told to ring EPU immediately if I still had a positive test after the mc. If EPU was closed I was to go to A&E.

I am really sorry for everything that'fs gone on, its a huge decision if you are pregnant but you don't need to tell anyone until you are ready.

[mumsastudent]

Vandree that's what I wondered too but I didn't like to say (molar pregnancy) I really think she should go to a & e its one time when a slight lie is right it certainly affecting her physical & mental health & the stress of waiting …

[scolotti]

I too would go to a and e. I'd absolutely have to know.

[Powerless]

CALL YOUR HOSPITAL AND ASK FOR THE EARLY PREGNANCY ASSESSMENT UNIT!!!! They will scan you today

[Ellie56]

If you are pregnant, from what you say in your last post, I think in your heart you have already made your decision.

Does Ex pay maintenance for the child you already have?

[DartmoorDoughnut]

What a total head fuck, you poor thing hope you manage to get some answers soon - and with your friend looking after your DD I would be heading to A&E if it were me