I find a woman attractive .....do I tell her?

[pippyo33]

I'm 33.
I've always had relationships with men.
About a year and a half ago I started liking a woman (she's my friends friend).
We've had a few weekends away (the 3 of us) she is great.
I've found myself thinking of her non stop.
I thought maybe it was a crush but I still feel the same 1 1/2 years later.
She invited me to her sisters birthday party (we didn't know each well then )
She has asked me what type of person I like and what personality I go for.
I think we have flirted.
But as far as she's concerned I'm straight.
Would you even say anything?

I think it would be good if you could spend more time with her as a friend so that you can get a better idea of what her relationship with her ex is like. Gay female relationships may be different from straight relationships in that they can seem highly emotional and intense especially if your crush is on the scene and has a large social group. It may be that the relationship with the ex is off-on but is not strong enough to be permanent.

On the plus side, your crush is likely to be aware of some of the issues you are experiencing because gay relationships are new to you and society's expectations are that you will be straight. A big smile and your undivided attention when you next meet will tell her all she needs to know! (Great that she likes your boobs, btw )

This is common with lesbians. They dont seem to stay alone long. I once got given a phone number and didnt reply for 4 days. She went with someone else because she thought i wasnt interested. It was 4 flipping days...im like you, it takes me ages.
There is also a nasty bitchy side to the scene and some real players. Believe me you dont want someone who is on off with an ex as you wouldnt if it were a man.
Forget this one sorry x

OP please send the text!!! Please!!!

You've nothing to lose and could very well work in your favour!!

I had only been with men before and fell in the EXACT same situation as you! And we did the friendship limbo dance for half a year and it took getting drunk and me making a move for it to actually get anywhere (And my partner was the seasoned lesbian! ) My now partner really liked me but was so sure I was straight that she said things like "Yeah if I ever did fall for you we would have to stop being friends bc it's too difficult to be in love with a good friend" so I was like well fuck me I'm definitely not gonna say anything. But she was falling for me and just trying to cover herself because she thought I was straight AF.

The thing about lesbians is most of them are NEVER EVER sure if the girl likes them! The lesbian subreddits (r/lesbianactually & r/actuallesbians are filled with memes around this. E,g..

Crush: hey I really like you and I think you're cute & pretty

Me, a lesbian, to my friends: god I really like her but I'm just scared she's not in to me

I feel like with lesbians that have grown up and lived as a lesbian, it's a very very straight world. Depending on where you live etc, a lot of the time relationships come from dating websites and the like because it's the only way to be sure from the beginning that yes this girl definitely is gay. You just have to say it! It seems so difficult but just make the first move and if she's interested things will just flow naturally and there won't be any more second guessing etc. Please! I'm rooting for you

Oh my god please send queens message!!!!!!

Object of your affection states:
Last time I seen her (with my friend) she was saying she feels like she will never meet anyone
It's (my crush ) girlfriend ..she is saying just friend
BUT friend assumes and says:
she is saying just friend but it's her girlfriend
I think you send something along the lines of Queen's message and find out for sure but taking info third hand and letting it make you decision

Queen's message is perfect! The time is now!

Send queens message. Today!!! Just go for it op you've got nothing to lose but perhaps a lot to gain!!

God that was cheesy as fuck.

@THEsonofaBITCH has a very good point too re friend assuming and letting third hand info make your decision

Side note - I'm loving all the excessive exclamation marks. I deleted about 9 from mine before I posted

Hmm I wouldn't go with your friends assumption. Go ahead with the "not a date" and feel it out there.

She said to you last time she saw you that she feels she will never meet anyone, yet according to your friend she's been with her ex since feb? Yeah that's not adding up for me!

I'd hazard a guess that she's friends with the ex and therefore 2x lesbians must = relationship in your friends head...

Your right she did say "friend "
Maybe my friend is just assuming as it's her ex and she's gay she must be sleeping with her.
Nothing ventured nothing gained eh

!!!!!!!!!!!!! All hopeless romantics here and wishing you the best and good luck!!!!!!!!!!

Send the message!!! QUICKLY!!!!!!!!!!!!

I agree with others to be honest, you have nothing to loose. Send that text!

I’d definitely send Queens message!

Come on OP, give us other hapless twits me hope and

SEND. THE. MESSAGE.

Definitely still worth a try! I didn't read into your friend's message that they were anyway near properly back together.....You still need to make your feelings clear otherwise you will regret it.

I'm going to see what the Snapchat's /Facebook posts are like tonight and the gossip from friend tomorrow.
If they are all over each other and kissing I won't but if not il send the text

Your life, your choices.
I'm way over invested to see how this all turns out but also feel like I'm watching an episode of "Friends" or other where there is always a reason not to declare yourself and so life intervenes, ie I am going to hate hearing on Monday that the ex was/is just a friend but the friend of interest met someone on their outing and has just started dating her!

Oh no just read the whole thread thinking you would be together.
I think they may just be friends. Let her know you like her. Life is too short

Nnooooo terrible idea. Send it now because you can plead ignorance if they are all over each other tonight but at least she'll still know!

Yes. Do it. Take the bull by the horns and just SEND.

Don't delay, send it today! Come on, you can and must do it!

I would just send her a lighthearted text saying something like 'so I hear you are back with your ex...You kept that quiet.. :-)' and just gauge her reaction from that. It would then be confirmed either way and might give you an opening to say how you feel

Your message could change the outcome of tonight if she thinks the two of you might have a chance...